You reviewed something of mine a while back and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work! I thought this poem was absolutely adorable and I enjoyed the tale you told (I love narrative poetry!). The poem was very descriptive and I was easily able to imagine the little dragon doing his thing.
You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. This piece was interesting, but it does need some work. The main thing that bothered me was the rod in his shin. The idea that he was "tending to patients" while there was metal rod seems illogical to me. I would think it would A) impede his ability to walk,and would NOT go unnoticed and B) it would cause a considerable amount of pain, certainly more worthy of that just a "sigh" of inconvenience, because that is how it felt when I read it. Additionally, because there were bumps on the rod, I imagine this would have been excruciating and would have elicited more than just a "sigh".
There were a couple of problems with the tense as well. It shifted a little bit from present to past in some places.
Otherwise, this piece was intriguing. I was wondering what brought about all this upheaval, for sure. However, please know that these are just suggestions. Take them or leave them as you see fit.
You reviewed something of mine a while back and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I loved this little poem--it was adorable! And yet amazingly enough, I also found it to be kind of tender and "soft" if you will, but in the nicest possible way. I loved the rhyme scheme, and I liked the mono-rhyme (is that what it's called?) at the end of each line.
I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation so that's always a plus.
You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. What a lovely and poignant tribute to your mother. It is tender and soft, but captures a lot of the grief we often feel when we lose someone close to us. I liked how the ingredients were things that were dear to her...they only work to sweeten and tenderize the "meal".
I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation, so that's always a plus. Keep up the good work and write on!
You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. When I went looking through your portfolio, I found this same prompt that you reviewed of mine...You did a great job with this! There's a reason you won first place! It's always fun to see how people take the same prompt and interpret it. I love that.
In any case, what I liked about this is the fact that it's so descriptive, especially the second stanza. The action in the poem was very easy to visualize, and left a lasting impression of memories and summers past...
I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation, so that's always a plus!
You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I thought this was an interesting piece of writing, but I don't think this is quite a haiku. A true haiku consists of three lines (which you have) but there is a syllable requirement that you have to meet as well. The first line should have five syllables, the second should have 7 syllables, and the last line will have five syllables. Generally, haikus usually talk about nature, but nowadays, I've noticed people don't follow that rule that closely anymore. In any case, maybe you want to revisit this so you can make it more like a haiku in the truer sense.
You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I thought that this was a lovely piece of writing, very sentimental, and I really liked the way you finished the poem. I loved that last line, that last word. Definitely resonated.
I found two small errors. In the first stanza, second line, the word "grey" does not need to be capitalized. And in the fourth stanza, the third line, the word another should have an 's (another's) voice. Everything else looked good.
You reviewed something of mine a while back and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I loved this little poem. I thought it was wonderfully descriptive, despite its short nature. I could easily picture the doe and the fawn in the woods, wary of would be passersby...
You reviewed something of mine recently and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. Both of these poems were great, although I think I preferred the second one better. It just appealed to me more. Regardless, you did a good job with each one actualizing the nature of a keyboard and the joy it brings to its listeners.
You reviewed something of mine recently and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. You did a great job meeting the challenge of this prompt. I remember seeing it and thinking, "Nope. I'll pass." It was very interesting to see what you did with the prompt, and I loved how the cat kept trying to find a perfect name for himself, since his humans obviously did a lousy job, LOL.
The story moved at a good clip, too, and it was very descriptive. I could very easily see the action (the cat moving from one room to the next) and his "inner dialogue" was really on point.
Good job with this! Keep up the good work and write on!
You reviewed something of mine yesterday and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I thought you did a great job of meeting the challenge of the prompt. The story was very descriptive and detailed, and it was easy to visualize the scene of unhappy and disgruntled travelers trying to get on the next flight with kids in tow. I think the story is completely relatable. I didn't see any errors in grammar, punctuation, or spelling, so that's always a plus.
What a great little narrative poem this is! I saw this prompt and wondered what someone could write about…and here we have this gem!I love the rhyme scheme, and it flows exceptionally well. You really did a great job meeting the challenge of the prompt. Good luck today—-if I were the judge, you’d be the winner!
I was just passing through, but I wanted to share I loved your poem! As a matter of fact, whenever I see you have entered a contest, I think to myself "Whelp, that's it. He's won." I was kind of surprised that I won today, actually, after having read yours.
In any case, I loved the rhyme scheme and the imagery you invoked. The story you crafted was just lovely--really, those are my favorite kinds of poems. You do them very well.
By the way, the poem for Peach, Pink, and Purple was also phenomenal. I really loved it. It was just beautiful and ethereal at the same time....great work.
Hi there! You reviewed some of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor. Thank you for sharing your work. This is a very interesting cute piece of writing. It was very descriptive and I could see the scene very well.
I didn’t see any errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation so that’s always a plus. Keep up the good work and write on.
You reviewed something of mine recently and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. This was a great piece of writing, I thought, and it was very descriptive. It elicited all kinds of images in my head, and that's a good thing. I also thought you did a good job of meeting the challenge of the poem style itself, so kudos on that one.
I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's always a plus.
You reviewed something of mine the other day and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I thought this piece was interesting, but I did feel a bit confused at times; I wasn't sure if I was reading a free-verse poem or a rhyming poem. I kept stumbling over some lines because the rhythm was off...or perhaps, there was no rhythm intended, but the flow was off. It could be that some of the sentences are just a little bit wordy. For example, I would edit this line like this:
Original: No longer alone, with only one thought her face does appear to me.
Edited: No longer alone, her face appears to me.
OR
Original: I once stood alone, but now she is near to me.
Edited: Once alone, now she is near.
In any case, these are just suggestions. Feel free to do with these suggestions what you will.
I was just stopping by to see who won today and can I just say: WOW! This is just lovely!
And I gotta tell you--I am a die hard fan of Scrabble. So for me, this was especially moving and poignant. Additionally, the rhyme scheme and the imagery evoked was just fantastic, so kudos to your for this verse!
I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's always a plus.
You reviewed something of mine recently and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I thought this was a lovely poem, and in my mind, it felt like an ode to someone who had passed on or who was going to pass away (although of course, I could be wrong).
Regardless, there is such a softness to this poem that I especially like, a tenderness, if you will, that gives the poem authenticity. I think many will be able to relate well to this verse.
My only critique would be to suggest that the last stanza felt a bit off since it was only two lines instead of four. I would have liked to see it also be four lines to give the poem a bit more "balance", so to speak. When you read the first three stanzas, they feel full and complete, whereas the last one feel short, uneven (in comparison to the others) and unfinished.
In any case, it is a good write overall. Keep up the good work and write on!
You reviewed something of mine recently and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. This was a fun little piece of writing, and I thought it was instantly relatable. I think we all recognize the devaluation of the pencil for "better" technological advances, but at the end of the day, sometimes it's something as simple as a pencil that gets the job done. I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, nor punctuation, so that's always a plus.
You reviewed something of mine a day or two ago and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. This was a wonderfully descriptive piece---as well as surprising with the introduction of the Horned God--as I was easily able to see this Christmas scene in vivid detail. I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's always a plus.
You reviewed something of mine recently and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. I thought that this was an interesting piece of writing. It certainly carried a lot of emotion, and I thought that was very nice. I would question the use of "aloneness" as a word--or if it is even a word. It felt very awkward. I think "loneliness" would be better.
I was just passing through and I thought I'd peep at today's winner---am I glad I did!
Congratulations on today's win! You did such a great job meeting the challenge of the prompt, and I loved the unexpected nature of the story---it definitely made me smile! I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's always a plus. Keep up the good work and write on!
I was just passing through to see what folks did with the prompt and came upon your writing. This was a great little piece! I thought you did a great job meeting the challenge of the prompt in a unique and unexpected way. I liked that the boy was the background to the story, but had such a positive impact on the main character in the "front' of the story. I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation, so that's also a plus.
Keep up the good work and write on! Good luck with the contest today!
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Five Dreams (E) An award-winning collection of poetry to knock your socks off!! #2304844 by elizjohn
You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!
Thank you for sharing your work. It is clear that this piece of writing was deeply personal for you. In that, I find that it really doesn't need to be critiqued, per se. I think it is lovely as is and the depth of your emotion and your devotion is evident and moving.
Thank you for sharing your work. I thought this was pretty interesting. Overall, I thought the rhyme scheme was pretty good, with the exception of the fourth stanza. I thought the rhythm was off in that stanza; I found myself stumbling through it even after having read it twice. The meaning was kind of fuzzy for me in that particular stanza as well. I wonder if the poem as a whole wouldn't be better without it? It's just a thought, but I think it would tighten it up and make the message clear as a bell (I mean, the message is already pretty clear--I think the fourth stanza is unnecessary and muddles it some). Otherwise, cool little piece of writing.
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