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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/elfmage7
Review Requests: ON
1,205 Public Reviews Given
1,446 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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for entry "Scoville Scale" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello KingsSideCastle Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing and taking part in the year long challenge.

Initial Thoughts: This is fun. I will admit that my first thought with the word scale from the title was music related since that is where my mind goes but then again, I did click ones I remembered what Scoville meant. I've seen a few food shows, including Man vs Food, where he did a few different spice based challenges. I was able to catch on quick enough and overall enjoyed the little eight line poem.

Contest/Prompt: It looks like something that would have done well during the given day or challenge. Having the prompt did help so that I knew the spice aspect was doing in part due to the contest and not just something you added in for the fun. I would imagine that other people have or will enjoy the short poem.

Final Thoughts and Comments: You did a great job in such a short frame, since having to keep limited to the 8 line limit for the challenge entered. One thing I liked is how you used the actual scale, starting off with the ones people tend to handle much easier and moving in heat rating to the end. And there are others beyond that level that seem quite painful to experience. Forget taste, after a certain point the flavor gets drowned by the painful sensation with the bodies reactions to the heat. While I like some spice, like a good Indian curry or something, even I won't dare do the super challenges out of mouth preservation, lol.

Thanks for sharing the poem and the challenge (if you did the food challenge or someone close). Never can tell if it's something fiction or nonfiction. Either way, it is enjoyable.

Have fun and keep writing!



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2
2
Review of The Cow who Voted  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: A funny, short poem that has a political note but in a way that is entertaining during the right time for many of us reading to relate. The words of the item reflect the title well and give the reader what they might expect in a quite fitting way for just five lines.


Contest/Prompt: I noticed the prompt when I checked Writer's Cramp for today's prompt. One of the judges is found of the cow prompts, so I can imagine that this little poem went over well. You had some competition since the round had 6 entries, which is a fair amount for a daily prompt. You used the correct title and genre, so all is good there in regards to the prompt and contest.


Form: The contest didn't require a form but you did pick one since you decided to do a limerick. There are a couple of elements that are required with that type of poem, which helps the reader be aware of the fact even without the information being provided. I did appreciate that you put the small note at the bottom so that it had the line count and poem type but I would have recognized the limerick even without that because of how the poem develops. It has the right scheme for a limerick in a way that was easy to follow.


Final Comments: Overall, this is well done. The only suggestion I would really make is to maybe let the reader know the prompt that helped to inspire the item and the contest entered. It's nice to know those details as a reader. I did know them since the contest/activity has to be posted in the I Write forum. However, random readers might like to know about them as well.

I enjoyed this silly little poem and hope that you had fun writing it. Nice job.

Keep writing. *PenG*



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3
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there, ruwth Author Icon.

I am reviewing your entry today in connection with "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted in the forum after you. These are just my general thoughts and hope that you are enjoying the challenge.


Initial Reaction: This is fun. It's for an activity that I didn't know anything about. While I'm not a fan of writing about myself, I can see why others would enjoy posting in the forum. You made a really good choice in picking details on the first item you posted. It was a fun little story and I can totally understand where you are coming from with the approach. While I never joined Christian Mingle, many of the sites are similar and I'm with you on needing the right name for an account.


Contest/Prompt: Thank you for sharing the forum by picking this for the entry in week 42. It's fun but also easy because you just have to share something about yourself. Both easy and super hard because there are so many options and ways to approach the prompt. You did well with your decision.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, this is an interesting and personal entry that explains a tiny part of your life and place here on WDC, I definitely don't have much to say to change the item since it's explaining something personal about yourself. I do have a couple of things to mention though...

On the technical side there are a few things you could consider if you decide to rework the entry in the future. One thing to maybe consider is whether you are going to share this particular story about yourself in past or present tense. There are some times when it feels like things are being said in past tense but others in the area or same paragraph that are in present tense. It would help for the past "tale" to put things on the same page. After "here is the rest of the story" is where I would make sure to keep things the same and probably past tense since this is a story about something from the past.

This one is very minor but it feels like the wrong form of the word chosen based on the way the sentence is written, however it's hard to tell due to the rest of the entry. This is affected by the previous mention of tense, which will help decide the right option. In the current approach of the sentence, I feel like it should say "I chose my psalm" instead of the current. The sentence in question:
- When I opened my Writing.Com account later, I choose my psalm to be the first item I put in my portfolio.


Nothing too big for this little bit of information but some thing to consider. I know we think about tense and such more with fiction but there are factors to consider even in blog posts and other personal entries produced on here. Nice job keeping up with the challenge of I Write and hopefully you are having fun.


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Review of Getting Old  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Purple Holiday Givings Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted in the forum after you. Thanks for sharing the writing and I hope you had fun with the flash fiction contest that you entered.

Initial Reaction: This is fun. I like the contest that you entered but rarely try because it's far too few words when it comes to my own writing. I have a hard time with a short story, so it's even more of a challenge when you enter things like micro fiction and Drabble type contests. You took the prompt and managed to give us a little something that is entertaining even in such a minimal word count framework.

Contest/Prompt: The prompt was somewhat easy in that you were given a few words to incorporate into the story. You found a good way to use the random words. It didn't feel like they were forced. You managed to get a character focused on a topic that is relatable for many people. Blah to getting older. lol

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: I like how the micro story ends in a lesson learned approach where the information was passed on to the children. It is fun but also a good point. It does help to be prepared for something that might happen. In particular if daredevil excursions are involved.

Well done with this cute micro story that focuses on memories of years gone by in a reflection about getting older.


Keep Writing! *PenV*


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5
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with NaNoWriMo Plus  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello DRSmith Author Icon.

Thank you for entering What If during the rounds back in August. I appreciated the entry and hope that you enjoyed the challenge of coming up with a story based off the prompts.


First Impression: You have a well written story that shows intelligence and strength in vocabulary. This is something that will really work well for some but there are other readers that will struggle to read the story or build an interest in the characters. It has aspects that grab interest or have potential in the range of the conflict with the variety of character details that are provided but I will admit that I had a difficult time, as a character based reader, to get through things.

Prompt: Thank you for posting the prompt at the bottom to explain how this relates to the contest and the inspiration that helped to influence the story. A day to remember can certainly include a bagel... I might need one tomorrow but that's an odd reaction, lol. Anyways, it worked in regards to the prompt for the contest, which made for a qualifying entry in a round that had 3 entries.

Characters/Story: There is potential in the realm for both, story and characters. You do a good job in adding interesting details about a character without it becoming too much or seeming like a the typical list of features. There are elements that do speak to issues and conflict, which not all writers posting new stories on the site have in their items. So, I did appreciate the issues presented between the mob news story and the walking conversation.

The difficulty I had in the beginning of the story is that it doesn't grab my attention in a way that make me care about a main character. I'm very much a character focused reader/writer, even though I don't do as well in providing details over said characters so I can learn from writers like you on that front. It does seem like Mr. Crippen is the main character but I don't get pulled into his world in enough way to care that much about what is happening. It can be an interesting read just might not be the story for me.


Other Notes: I don't have anything technical to discuss with the story. Nothing glares out or causes a stumble in the reader for spelling, grammar or anything of that nature. As I said before, it's well written. You have a great technical front and possibly could do well in the realm of literary fiction, or that is my guess from this one story.


Thanks for your entry. Keep Writing!


Image for contest made by Neko


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6
for entry "Weekly" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Pumpkin Spice Sox Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+]. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing and I hope that you enjoy the challenge.


Initial Thoughts: This is a nice little poem that focuses on the different week days. The title makes sense in connection with the topic and once I got to see the prompt, I could see the inspiration with how that part was used to create the short poem. It might not be the most philosophical poem but some aspects given to the different days of the week will be relatable to different people that find this one in your book item.

Contest/Prompt: The prompt from the poetry contest was fairly simple to follow. You had specific words that needed to be used within the item. Usually one would make them bold or give a different color, italics or some element to make the word stand out so it's easy for a judge to find. However, I can also see how that might not be necessary in short poetry since it's easy enough to scan the one stanza to find them or even remember reading them once get to the end. This does work well given the prompt.

Any Other Thoughts and Final Comments: Overall, I do think this is a nice little poem that stands out fairly well. I could appreciate how you used the words once I saw them at the end because they didn't come off as forced or thrown in just because they were necessary.

I rarely drink tea, so I don't know about having tea on Tuesday. But now it does make me wish I could find the Mint Magic tea in grocery stores like what my great grandma would sometimes drink at night.

The only thing that maybe felt a little off for me, just in my head, was some of the rhymes. Not that anything was wrong or incorrect in that scheme. Some of them just sounded stronger, like a more solid rhyme compared to others. Even poetry can benefits from a little tweaking or editing like stories even though not everyone goes back to change poems once they get submitted (I'm guilty too).

Anyways, it's a nice poem overall and I did appreciate getting to read how you managed to talk about weekdays in this poetic way. Good job. Keep writing! *PenG*



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon

I'm reviewing your item in connection with "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+] having posted in the forum following your entry. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: Ah the writer's cramp prompt merging into a poem with bovine inspiration. So fun. Then again, I'm originally from Wyoming (so I read it with a slightly different country attitude than mentioned in the item) so could appreciate the funny approach taken with this particular poem.

Contest/Prompt: The contest is a good choice for the challenge since there is a new prompt every day. That also makes it a challenge to write since you only have 24 hours from the time the prompt is posted to create something in time. I would almost guess the judge with this one since sometimes Hooves (a judge) will post a cow based prompt and also writes about them too. I didn't check to see if that was the case as it's more fun to guess. It does look like you did well with using the prompt.

Favorite Part:

We can sashay over, chew our cud
And teach them farm boys
That we cows are much more divine


Final Thoughts: Nice work with this fun, satirical poem that uses cows and a title as inspiration. I will admit that I couldn't figure out the children's books or commercials uses within the poem. Probably didn't help that I was watching the first season of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, so all I thought about was Drag Race. I mean, you do mention sashay and there is a performer often referenced called Divine. Though I know that wasn't what you were going for with this one.

I had fun with the poem. I'm not usually keen towards the satire types and I saw enough cows growing up but I was able to really appreciate what you created. Good job!


Keep writing. *PenV*



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8
8
for entry "Extraordinary Find" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Blessed Christmouse Author Icon

Thank you for entering the What If contest, I was very happy to have entries since the contest had been closed for so long and I wasn't sure anyone would enter if I reopened it. I appreciated you taking the time to create this entry.

First Impression: Interesting approach and choice in the prompt to develop into a story. The life prompt is a good one because there are options for creativity. I liked the approach here with the younger main character that gave a fun, youthful personality. We get the character from the start then you add in the strange situation and her finding out that her parents had kept such a secret from here. It's a good start that could be even better with a little more development.

Prompt: This does work for the signs of life prompt. I am only going to consider that prompt even though in the forum post you did mention the day to remember. The sing of life was the one you listed in the item and the contest rules do specify that only one prompt should be used. So, taking the one prompt into consideration, you created something fun that works well enough to qualify for the round.

Characters/Story: While something alien related is a little expected considering the question of life out in the universe other than just our world. What helps is that you found a different way to describe the sort of cute "alien" in this story and put them with a connection to the main character that won't be expected from the reader.

The main character is also fun and was a great choice for how you started the story, setting things up with just a little bit of words used to help showcase personality. I liked her and the fun that we get to see as she discovers the little secret.

Other Notes: Overall, this is a nice approach. My only issue would be that it does feel a little cut down. I'm not sure if you were worried about timeline or word count but I think that it could be developed even more to make a stronger story. You have some room to write more into this story. You did well in the details that you did add but if there was a little more to show the world and characters, I think that would help. The story at the end gives me a feeling of it not quite being complete. Though I do like the last line as it gives a creepy element. I just get the feeling that there could be more.

Still, it was a good job and approach considering the prompts and contest.


Thank you for the entry in What If. Keep writing!


Image for contest made by Neko


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9
Review of Move Along  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Purple Holiday Givings Author Icon.

I get to review your flash fiction story today thanks to "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+] as I posted in the forum after you. It's fun and we are nearing the end of the challenge. I hope you are enjoying the tasks of writing every week too.


Initial Reaction: Ah music inspiration and short sentence prompt combined together well in a very minimal word count. I'm familiar with the contest and it represents quite the challenge since it only allows 300 words to create a story. This is a good example because we get resolution for the "impossible" task presented and just enough of the characters to get a visual that is fun for the reader.

Contest/Prompt: This flash fiction story does well in the approach to the prompt. You managed to get a mostly complete story within the very limited word count and created something that will be interesting for the reader. It also used the "It's impossible" prompt in a way that is interesting and not overly obvious or expected. I'm sure it did well in the round depending on how much competition came in for that day.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, this is a fun story. I enjoyed the inspiration and the usage of the prompt from the contest. While I struggle to write anything this small, or even under 2,000 words, I can still appreciate the craft involved in flash fiction. The only thing that maybe could be considered might be the lyric choice at the end. I can't quite pinpoint the exact reason but, for me, it doesn't give the feeling of being the end. I mean, I know we can't show the whole thing and there is the word count limit to consider, but maybe there is another line or maybe it could be as simple as using ... instead of a single punctuation, to indicate the continuation of the song. Just something that I noticed and other readers might not even agree to about the end.

Nice work and good job with making it this far in I Write. Keep on writing and I'll see you around in HSP too. *Smile*




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10
10
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there Jeff Author Icon

I get to review your Masquerade item since I posted after you for the "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+]. it is going to be fun this next week to see how many different WDC Bash items will get used for the challenge.

Initial Reaction: Ah, yes. Lara Croft. I have a few memories when it comes to that particular character. I don't remember which gaming system but I do know there was a video game that I enjoyed based off the franchise. Then there are the movies. I've never been that into Angelina Jolie but did appreciate her in the Lara Croft movie. I've also seen a book posted on a reading group where they made a male version of Lara Croft with bootie shorts and everything. That could be interesting, lol.

Contest/Prompt: I will admit that I don't know much about the masquerade. It did sound fun but I already knew my energy levels where going to be tanked, so I didn't investigate into how things were going to go this year. I'm sure it's going to be fun with the variety of characters.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: This is a nice entry considering the start of the event and the character choices made. I never would have even thought to put together Lara Croft with a guy dressed up like Spider Man. The story/journal is one that is off to a good start. She has a target and we get a peek into what could be coming in the near future. I will have to check out to see what happens next.

Good luck and have fun with the Masquerade and any other Birthday Bash event you decide to enter.



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11
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lizzie Winter's Fairy Author Icon

I noticed you entered the new contest first and wanted to offer a review since it was very kind of you to help one of the newer members from scroll. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: This is fun because it's basically a story but done in the poetic form. You took the words offered in the prompt, developing into this poem that could almost rival a children's book with the approach. There are some fun elements, exciting moments and things to draw a reader along through the stanzas.

Contest/Prompt: The contest is fairly simple in the prompt requirement, which is nice to see at times. You just had to use the specific words listed, which you have done along with putting them in bold (as requested) to make them easy to find. The story/poem about the boy battling the robot aliens does a fine job in relation to the contest and prompt.

It is easy to find them but something to consider might be to maybe disperse a word or two into the rest of the poem. There isn't anything wrong with having it all in the first stanza, but another approach you could consider is having them found in other parts (though I do know robot is mentioned later and often but not done in bold so maybe could bold that one instead of the first one).

Will be interesting to see how things go if others enter so there can be voting.

Final Thoughts and Any Suggestions: In general, this is a good job at creating something fun based on the prompt. Even though I'm not one to tell stories through poetry, it's something I can appreciate from others.

The line that kind of gets messed up in my head has to do with the laser in the third stanza. Nothing wrong with how it's written but there are some times when a reader's brain will fill things in or want to shift things based on past experiences. So, when I read about the laser, my brain immediately wants to call it a laser beam as the item, noun, instead of using the word beam as the action. For me, I would adjust to maybe give a descriptive word to the laser beam, then have an action word as a start of the next line, like blast or something of that nature to keep things moving. That is what my mind wants to replace, at least, but others probably won't even notice.

I also was a little uncertain about the characters we get. Like the mom makes sense at the end because the description talks about Tommy as a little boy. However, since most of the poem is focused on the action against the aliens, when we get the name Ann Marie, I am not sure where she came from though I do guess that maybe she is a friend. And the chaotic emotions from her touch make me wonder exactly how little he is to have the reaction but then be focused on the reward of milk and cookies. Though some adults still like milk and cookies... In fact, I do like the ending stanza with the reward.

Nice work and good luck!


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Review of Help Us Help YOU!  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello there The StoryMaster Author Icon!

Have a fun situation here where clicking on the Read & Review link brought me this article on exposure for WDC. It's origin is from back in 2002 so in a way, this is quite a blast from the past and caught my attention.

Initial Reaction: I haven't seen a column written by you (beyond the tech stuff and all the help site items) in years. Okay, I will be honest. I don't remember that far even though I've been a member on the site since 2005. It is kinda fun and also weird to see an item first created years before even I was a member. It is handy and welcoming to see something like this on the site and also provides a reminder of ways people can help the site.

General Notes and Other Thoughts: This is something I haven't really thought about, at least not in years. Then again, it has been a long time since I've done any off site blogging or anything. I used to be more focused on have a web presence and site to showcasing writing but haven't made publishing progress. It's something I will think about in the future though to have links. I have done some in person promotion when I talk about writing though as I mention this web site when I can do so.

This is a nice article for anyone who really enjoys the site and wants to let others know. It has some good options with the link on a web site but also the sample email, in case they want to send out a promotional email recommending WDC. All of it is good information with a layout that is easy enough to read.

The only thing that I would have like to know or have added would be information on what the article was used for or if it was sent out. I see it's in a folder of editorials but was this something sent out before we did the newsletters or is it set up as part of a section on WDC that others will find. What was the source of inspiration for this piece years ago. And are there some other methods that are more up t date that could be added? I would say maybe TikTok but I feel old and don't understand that one.

Anyways. It was fun to read the article and to do a review for The Storymaster. *Smile*

Have a good day.



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13
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Cian Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item as I found it while perusing around the site. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.

Initial Thoughts: I like the idea here even with the typical usage of the rose as a subject for a poem. It works for many reasons, including. the sheer fact that many people really do like roses. My mom loves them and I even have a rose tattoo for her, so it's a nice choice with the popularity of the particular flower.

Content and Form: While the poem is written in couplets, two lines per stanza, I am not sure if you did that because of form or if it was just something that felt right for you. Either way, there are some who will appreciate the result with the different stanzas.

I'm hit or miss when it comes to repetition in a poem. With the title being the first line for every stanza, and only two lines per stanza, it does come off as having a lot of repetition. However, I can appreciate that it does have a purpose for the repetition. And many others will like the particular style when reading the poem.

Imagery: Another benefit from the typical flower used within the poem is that it's going to be easy to evoke an image for the reader. They can see the single, last rose in their mind, inspired by the lines you've created here.

Final Thoughts: Nice work with this poem and I hope that you are enjoying using the web site. If I was going to have any criticism for the item, it would be to consider some of the word choices, particularly at the end of the poem. When dealing with something so small, like poetry, each decision made will have an influence on how things sounds. Not that there is something wrong with a choice or that it's bad, but that there might be a better option. Like, it's not wrong how this poem ends at all, but there is just something about that last line that doesn't come off as complete for me. The word feels strikes a chord with my brain where it says a different choice could work out better, but at the same time I also understand why you were working to royal at the end. The story line within makes sense, but if you want to play around with it, you could keep the general content the same but make minor adjustments and see how it sounds.

Thank you for sharing your writing.


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14
14
Review of Mace  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Genipher Author Icon

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted after you in the forum. As an added bonus, I also entered the same contest and round, which made it fun to see how someone else approached the black cat prompt.

Initial Reaction: Very nice. I have a black cat and a tabby, plus have grown up with having many other cats over the years so I always find enjoyment in reader about other people's pets. The approach with the real story does make sense given the prompt. I also like the names of the cats. Since I work part time as a pet sitter, mostly taking care of cats, I get to meet many different cats with a variety of name choices.

Contest/Prompt: Since the contest allows poems or stories and the prompt only required talking about a black cat finding a home, this definitely qualified for the round. You probably took the better approach with the relatable story about how you got your cats compared to something fully fictional. Though I haven't read the entry that did win, so I could be off base in my thoughts. Either way, it was a good idea.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, you did well here. I like the story and had fun thinking about the two cats. It also put me down memory lane when I got my own black kitty, which wasn't as eventful. Well, other than the fact I went to the shelter just to look. Held a black kitten named Janis Joplin (another in the cage was called Judas Priest) and she purred so much her whole body shook. I ended up with 2 cats that day instead of the planned wait for later approach.

My only suggestion would be to maybe do a quick edit/read. I didn't notice much but there are probably a couple adjustments you could make to get a stronger result. Maybe trim off an adverb or two. Whenever I edit, I check for weak phrases and make sure I haven't used the word "just" 10 times in less than 1000 words, for example. Also, in the first paragraph there is a minor typo. It would read better if the cat was going to "live" in the basement instead of "life" unless you rewrite it to maybe say enjoy life in the basement.

Other than that, don't really have anything to point out. It's a nice story with a creative nonfiction approach that people will enjoy. Well done.


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Review of An Ending  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello {suser:

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your poem for fun after searching around the site for some recently created poetry items. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: With the combination of the title, item description and cover image, you caught my attention. It made me wonder what I would find with the poem and that is a great start. The poem made me think about my grandmother who has always been good with plants. Each spring she would do a lot of planting. However, this last couple of years she has tried to cut back on the work she did for the yard. Instead, she let her daughter do the work.

Form: I don't know much about the forms used for the stanzas since there isn't information provided within the item. I would have to look them up in order to tell if each one follows whatever rules are required for either the Redondilla or the Serventesio.

it would help if you adjusted the bottom part so people are aware it is a note and not a continuation of the poem. It looks sort of like you are doing free verse with a fun shape or style but instead, the last two lines are details about the poem. Might help if they aren't done in "center" the way the poem is set up. Also, Maybe provide a link or a little information about the forms. If you don't want to that information to distract from the actual poem, you could put it in a dropnote. That way it is available for anyone that wants to know the details but doesn't take over the space.

Topic/Content: I like the idea and approach of the poem. Do have to admit that it feels a little disjointed. Perhaps, trying to fit the lines in the particular forms created the situation because something about this makes me feel like I need a little more. Like I'm missing something but I can't quite figure out what.

Final Comments: Thank you for sharing this poem here on the site. I'm glad that I got the chance to read it over and hope that I see more from you in the future.

Keep writing. *Quill*



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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Chico Mahalo Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item after finding it on the random read function here. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: The title caught my attention at once. I am a big fan of what you've chosen here with the particular words, how it is not capitalized and even get particular enjoyment at of the reference to "the self" within it. That is a very nice title and the little bit of information will work well to create interest in checking out the poem on your portfolio.

Content: I will admit at this point that I did find the poem/biography to be confusing. However, this is one of those rare times where I also don't it's a bad thing. There are many elements I do like about what is discussed within the item. We get these little tidbits of information about someone who may seem quite strange but also is a girl I would have liked to know. While there are some things I wouldn't have liked or even agreed with, that is okay.

Do they actually do a "bat mitzvah" for an adult? That is one thing that stalled me a little but more because it's not in my background or bank of knowledge.

Form/Structure: The main part where I think things could be adjusted a little would have to be on the technical side and this is based off personal preference. Some people might disagree with my thoughts but it might help to have less space between the lines in the individual stanzas. Keep the space between stanzas though so we know each is a "thought" in a way. I just feel like it might look a little better if adjusted without the double-spacing.

Example is how you have it here:

In high school, she was voted

Most Likely to Underachieve.

And instead, doing it like this:

In high school, she was voted
Most Likely to Underachieve.

Double-spaces can help in essays and such, but could skip it for a poem here. However, if you want to help with readability, perhaps instead adjust the whole thing so the font size is 3.5 or 4 instead of the basic one give by the site. That will help as some people have a harder time reader the slightly smaller fonts.

Final Comments: Nice work with this creative approach. You caught my attention and gave me something to think about. Perhaps I should find ways to interact well with archbishops and historians too.

Keep writing! *PenR*


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for entry "And again" Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Pumpkin Spice Sox Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your item just for fun and I saw it posted in I Write so wanted to check it out. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: This is an interesting short poem given a topic for the prompt and freedom in the form. While I've never been too fond of repetition, there are some times when it makes sense and works, making it easy to see the purpose. The use of the title used as the third line in each stanza is a good example of this. If it was a much longer poem, it might get old seeing the two words but the short approach means it works well.

Contest/Prompt: The contest gave some open elements as the round for this particular entry just had the requirement to write any type of poem about "new beginnings" as shown at the bottom of the item. I appreciated having the prompt so I didn't have to try and find any information from the contest since I knew about the entry.

Final Comments: I have a few random thoughts and things you could consider if you wanted to rework this poem some but it's all just my opinion. I know not everyone edits or rewrites poems once done, so that part is up to whatever you want to do.

While I do like the approach taken to the topic, I do also have to admit that it comes off a little unfinished in my mind. There are some lines that give an impression of being incomplete. A good example would be the middle stanza in the first line. Nothing wrong exactly with it but my brain wants to add one more word. Maybe so it would say something like "so begins" but I also understand that would mess with how all three stanzas start with begin. However, on that note it also looks different since the middle stanza has "begins" and the first and last have "beginnings" but you may have a reason for that.

I was a little unsure of the line about words of a child just born because they don't have words yet. I like the new life concept but there also is a difference in how that part is done as the middle of the poem, though since it's mostly about beginnings with a little mention of ends, maybe there is now "middle" in the concept. I might just be making myself more confused though, lol.

Anyways, this is a nice approach on topics about how things are new and begin. Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the different prompts of the Promptly Poetry Challenge. Keep writing!


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18
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, Amethyst ❄️ Angel Author Icon.

I am finally doing the long overdue review of your Ace story that I've planned to do for many weeks. My apologies for the delay and thank you very much for having a character like Mary. I don't have many Ace characters at this point but since it's my own orientation, it's nice to find someone writing one.

Initial Reaction: Wow. This is quite the story. It's not what I would have expected but also makes sense with the way things get laid out. Normally I'm not a fan of first person point of view but it works very well with this story to showcase the inner struggle of the main character. The story showcases characters and emotions well.

Character/Story: Mary is a very believable main character and it really helped in the first person point of view to see her inner struggles. She goes back and forth on a couple of points when she's faced with the doubt and potential of infidelity from her husband.

The friend was also believable and the conversation made sense because for some reason, people just seem to struggle with the idea that someone might not be interested in physical intimacy but that they still might do other things, like get married. Many assume when it comes up with someone younger, that it's a phase. Or it can be seen as a symptom of maybe an emotional struggle like depression that could be fixed. It is unfortunate that even her friend didn't really understand or try but had his own possible reasons for pushing things forward even though the information was on the questionable side that was provided.

While the end gives a little surprise for the reader, it's also something that makes sense in the way the story is developed as we get the potential idea of who the girl might be but in a way that isn't overly obvious.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, you did a great job in creating this story. There isn't much I could recommend or change. The only suggestion I could maybe make is that I wonder if there is a way to line up the words from the back of the picture a little better to match the "torn" area with the missing words. Probably is hard to do with the layout on the site but it does look a little mismatched with the last line being from even though her name is long that would be a super jagged tear. Or that could be described more. Somehow, I missed the first time reading through that it even was torn. Just a thought.

Good job with the story and thank you so much for sharing it!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.
19
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings WriterRick Author Icon

I am reviewing your item for fun today. It's something that caught my eye and a relevant topic at this time. After reading over the content of the sort of essay, I wanted to share some thoughts that came to mind. I hope that you don't mind me sharing my opinion on topic along with some suggestions on how this could be developed further or designed to read better on the site.

Initial Reaction: This is a topic that I'm just starting to learn more about and have a feeling that it's going to be a sensitive topic on the site. I never thought much at first about AI. I had a mechanic ask me, after mentioning working on a writing site, about the use of AI but I didn't have a lot of information to offer at the time. Still not going to be my route but it is good to be open about the discussion for the use of AI within the online community.

Might help to add a little information in the spot to describe the item because even though it is listed as an article it's a little unclear if you're trying to write an essay or the exact type of writing. Is it an opinion piece or an informative essay? Something more might help so people know the approach being taken with the item overall.

General Content: Based on the title, I approach the overall topic as how the existence of AI can be used on the side as an aide. I can see in some places how usage could give help but also feel that one could use it as a crutch. For me, it's not something that should take over the natural writing and creative process for most of the things we do here on the site. At least, I don't see a good reason to use it for story creation and poetry because the writing is a major part of what I enjoy and why I put in the effort. However, if I wanted to summarize a book or something or maybe have a paragraph for a post, it could come in handy to have a form of assistance.

Most of the focus as an assistant from the essay did seem a little more business or email related and not on development of creative writing. Like talking as an actual assistant, that is something I could consider more. If I could get AI to handle all of this doctor's stuff, appointments and paperwork, that would be far more helpful than anything else for me. As for work, since I help in person with individuals with behavior disorders, it's not something I will use often at this point on a professional level but there are other fields that probably could be helped by AI assistance.

Technical Side and Aesthetics: As far as the technical part of this article... this is where I had a more difficult time. This is just my opinion but I would say that this comes off generic and needs development. I feel what is done so far might work as a starting point for an essay or article but it could use some development. The paragraphs have such a similar length and some have similar content that you could consider cutting a few out and inside focus some energy and developing the points more.

Even the first paragraph just needs something to give it oomph and interest. It does well in giving the thesis but the first sentence is a little too general and could use more to draw in the reader. Talking about sci-fi is a good idea but that is a vast field and not all of it favors certain types of technology. Picking something more specific would help set a better tone about how this is meant as a positive view on the development of AI. For example, if I wanted to talk about usefulness of robots, I wouldn't want to just say robots in general. It would be better to reference helpful robots people like such as maybe the one on the Jetsons or in Wall-E who gets the people out of the floaty chair. Don't want to give someone the chance to think of the Terminator one or whatever robot was in that Will Smith movie that I don't remember very well. Cleaning robots helpful, attack robots.. not so much.

Even with appearance, you could do a little work to make the writing stand out better on the site. If you are going to have the different subtitles or headers, it would help to use writingml. Something like making those parts bold and/or underlined could help if you bulk up the paragraphs some more and provide more content to really showcase each point.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: As an article, while it does make some good points over the use of assistance to aid in certain aspects online, it needs more work. Some examples would help flesh it out more along with cutting back or combining areas as discussed a little above in the review. These are just some ideas I have after reader it over and is my own opinion.

When it comes to AI items on the site, I'm still on the fence. It would help if the item at least had it noted somewhere that AI was involved. I'm not saying that it has to be something big, like in the title or description, but there should be way to let readers know the usage of AI for an item, especially if it's for a contest or something of that nature. Maybe just a little note would help. Like when using a form for poetry, it is good to have a note at the bottom (could be a drop note so it's only visible when checked) to mention those elements.


Thank you for sharing and taking the chance to put up something about AI on the site so more people can start at least thinking about the topic, whether they are fans of the idea or not.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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20
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Review of How many sorries?  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Riley Author Icon

My name is Dawn and I'll be reviewing your poem just for fun. I found it through the random read and after an initial stall, decided to check out the short poem to see what these bold word choices included and how this expression about the government would be showcased.


Initial Thoughts: I was a little hesitant at first when this came up for the random review with the title on sorries then the government aspect. I'm glad that I checked out the lines of the poem because it's a well thought out moment about a serious topic that many of us can understand. Some may not but that's part of the ability to speak out or state an opinion.

It can be difficult but this is also an important topic. Whenever someone gets mad that people speak against the government or puts forth protest, it is unfortunate because sometimes the overzealous are missing the point. We can be proud in our country but also express discontent. That is one thing that remains and is important in those freedoms discussed, or at least it should remain. Anyways... I can appreciate your thoughts and concerns with these questions.

This also reminded me a little of a poem about I think it is the nazis and such. The poem talks about how since they weren't part of the attacked minority of the moment, they didn't speak up since it wasn't about them. However, by the time it became about their identity or group, no one was left to stand in their defense.

Governments and churches have a bad history of making apologies many many years after the fact but the question is, what does that really do to solve the problems of the past?

Topic: A politic commentary can be difficult to put up because you don't know how people will react to the item. I'm a fairly open minded reader with a background that includes policy debate and communication theory studies, so my approach may be different than other readers.

Final Thoughts: Overall, this is well done at tackling a not so easy topic. The only part that stalls me a little, as the reader, is a very minor thing that I can't place why exactly. There is something about the word "sorries" that stalls me in the title and the first line of the poem. Nothing wrong per se. The spelling seems fine and all but just something about that word makes me pause or stumble.

Oh and I did have a question I almost forgot. Was this for a contest? I just ask since a few of the words were done in bold, which is a common thing when giving words to use from a prompt. Since they are still bold, I would have liked to sort of know if there was a reason. Doesn't have to be anything big, just maybe a little drop note at the bottom would help that way you can state if there was a contest/prompt or if you decided to do the bold for other reasons. Helps to let us know.

You could adjust the font to a bigger size if you wanted to help aide some of the other readers on the site who find the regular font difficult to read. But that one is up to you.

Either way, you have a nice poem here and I'm glad that I got the chance to check it out. Keep Writing!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.




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21
21
Review of Cupid's Aim  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings, .

I am reviewing your poem today just for fun. I found it on the random read/review option and something about it caught my attention. I'm not sure if it was the description or a few of the lines that I glanced over in the first viewing but I was drawn to check this out more.


Initial Reaction: This is an entertaining poem. Since the top part of the item lists it as a non-contest ode, it made me wonder if this really wasn't for a contest or not. No link or contest information at the bottom, so perhaps that is indeed the case though kinds interesting choice to point that fact out.

Favorite Part:
Cupid's aim always hits its Mark,
...
                   Whew, my name is John.


Final Thoughts: Overall, this is a good "ode" to Valentine's that takes an entertaining approach. I like how you took some typical poetic elements with the left side in doing the rhyming whether it was 2 lines or 4 per stanza but also could appreciate the response provided on the right. It's well thought out and made me smile at the end.

One suggestion I have that may help other readers is to change the font size. The basic WDC size that gets saved with items is okay but there are a number of people who have trouble reading it. If you adjust the size to 3.5 or 4, it will be much easier on the eyes no matter if someone is checking out the poem on a laptop or even on their phones. This isn't a requirement, just something that can be helpful. I'm working on trying to remember to put all of my items on bigger fonts too and still forget.

Nice job with this Ode. I like what you created and the format. Well done.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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22
22
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there Bikerider Author Icon.

Sorry for the delay in reviewing the item you entered in the weekly quickie contest weeks ago. I'm easily distracted these days but wanted to let you know that I did appreciate the entry in the new attempt at allowing "older" stories.

First Impression: It's a good little quickie about a girl getting a surprise on her birthday. She expects the boyfriend but when he doesn't show up, then it's someone else that gives her a fun birthday moment.

Prompt: Didn't have a prompt as I let the first attempt be open to any old story that fit the length and general genre requirements of the contest. I did appreciate the fact that you included the note on the bottom of your item which round you entered this one in from the past, including that it had placed. I really should keep track of my stories more and add those notes so I don't forget those details.

Characters/Story: The story was well overall with the two female characters. They had enough believability and personality to keep things interesting. While 20 does seem young now that I'm older, it does make for the experimental element. However, the hotel bar part would depend on what country since most of the bars in the US require being of drinking age so she shouldn't be meeting him there unless he was at least 21 and even then, does bring up a question. I would probably have put her at maybe 22/23 instead, but that's just my take.

It's nice she has an understanding boyfriend then considering it would have been cheating technically. Though it's a little disappointing when two girls have the potential to get together but then a guy shows up. Well, disappointing for some but other readers won't even consider that factor.


Other Notes: Overall, it's a well laid out story that meets the word count limits without seeming like it's missing sections or reduced to fit the size. Didn't feel like you had to sacrifice or remove anything to make it into a flash fiction story.

One minor detail when it comes to the editing... Might also want to check out the whole static item, which includes the description part. In the little information about the item section, you have the dialogue but "Your" is incorrect since Carrie is trying to say you are too pretty. Needs to be "You're" to be correct.

It is a well done story that fits within the Quickie world ver well. Nice work.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep Writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


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23
23
Review of Eggs of Luck  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi there Angelica Weatherby-Star on top Author Icon!

I am reviewing your story today just for fun and as a fellow competitor in "The Flash Blog Contest - CLOSED" Open in new Window. [E]. it is going to be a long time before the round ends so I'm hoping we get some great competition soon.


Initial Reaction: Always fun to get a dragon story from you. Even if it's what anyone will expect considering your username, it rarely ever disappoints when I get to see your take on any type of story that involves the particular fantasy creature.

Contest/Prompt: We got lucky for the contest in that the prompt is rather open. Well, when it comes to the type of story at least. So, I'm able to do my little coming out attempt, you can put in a fun dragon story, and they both qualify in the same contest. The main requirement that was specific has to do with the blog post in the character's POV that shared something about the character/story that wasn't found in the flash fiction portion.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: It is a fun story, overall. We get to enjoy the excitement from the main character as he goes on a sort of egg hunt. The mixing of candy eggs, like Easter, with actual dragon eggs makes things more interesting because we don't know if he will be able to get that dragon. While candy is nice, it's hard to compete against getting to have an actual dragon.

One thing that was a little confusing for me was when to use plural versus singular any time an egg or eggs gets mentioned. Like it makes sense when talking about 100 eggs to be plural. And if he was picking one dragon with the 5 dollars, it would be an egg. However, at the end he sets the eggs down on the seat. So, does he get more than one egg for the 5 dollars? That is quite the deal but when he speaks about the Hydra, he says that he got a creature, which is singular. Might want to look over the egg/eggs spots in the story to see where you want to talk about a single egg and where there are multiple eggs.

Blog Note: I could review both but I'm going to add my little note to this review instead. The only thing that you might want to consider with the blog entry in connection with this story for the contest might be how you included the same ending in the story about the egg hatching. It's not wrong, so this is just my impression but I would like to see more detail of the dream. Have him talk more about what he saw and the anticipation of what might come. The blog post just has to show something that was not seen in the story, which is why I am making the suggestion because it might come off stronger in that element with some adjustments. Still, it's a good little post that showcases how he had a vision about the dragon. He sort of knew but it wasn't so obvious that when he did get to the egg picking that he could be overly confident. He still had good reason for the nervousness amidst the excitement.


Good job with the fun dragon story. Good luck!



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24
24
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Angelica Weatherby-Star on top Author Icon!

I get to review your item in connection with "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted in the forum after your entry. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble. Thank you for sharing your writing.


Initial Thoughts: Oh Van Gogh. I'm a fan. I've always had a preference for impressionist art but the post-impressionism and expressionism are also quite amazing. This poem, if it includes facts, also taught me something that I didn't know. While many people are aware of Starry Night as a painting, I did not know any of the details behind the creation of the item. I didn't last long enough in art history class to get to that point. Would have been fascinating to learn more about artists like him. It's helpful as the poem first gives information about the artist, then has details about the particular painting.

Contest/Prompt: The contest is a fun little challenge since it has the requirement of keeping the poem very short with only the 8 lines. Thank you for including the particular prompt used for the contest. For some of the ones where prompts change quick or there are multiple options, it helps to have that point listed in the item and not just the contest entered.

Other Notes and Final Thoughts: Overall, you did a nice job with a limited number of lines to create this poem. It could be expanded, if you wanted, but is also enjoyable in the little bit size sections.

The only recommendation I have for the poem is to make consider a minor change for the second line of the first paragraph. It's not wrong but strikes out as off balanced in my head when I'm reading it with the word "yet" at the end. The implication comes off that there would be more, and maybe it is meant that more came off this particular painting. However, I think that it would flow better to remove "yet" so it would go from "most famous panting" right into "at an asylum" since that is the location being presented by the stanza.

Also, I'm not quite sure on the title but that's definitely on my end. You probably have a reason for putting it the way you did. Since I don't know the book, the book cover in the title thing was a tiny bit confusing.

One of the things that I really like is the way you put the imagery of the poem within the second stanza in just a few short lines. It's done with very few words but but I can easily picture not only what you said but also the painting itself.

Well done. *PaintBrush*


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25
25
for entry "Who Did it? " Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings, 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon.

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+] since I posted after you in the forum. Hope that my comments are helpful and that you are enjoying the challenge.


Initial Reaction: This was quite the little mystery story with detectives trying to piece out how might have committed the crime. Focus is on the two people trying to figure out who done it when there is one suspect that seems obvious but might not be the actual culprit. Did well with the use of the words from the contest prompt too as they were required and the reason behind three of them being in a different font color.

Contest/Prompt: The prompt was easy but you found an interesting way to use the required words to put in the very short, flash fiction story. I know the contest well too and it's not easy to write a story within that limited word count and with not much time since the prompts change each day. Having the words red works due to the contest requirement and the note at the bottom ties it together so a random reader will know the reasoning and inspiration with this one.

I definitely didn't expect the plate prompt to bring about the cookie inclusion in the crime scene. Not what one would think at first but does give the chance for the cookie monster reference.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: This is a good flash fiction story and an interesting choice considering the prompt just included some rather common words. The only thing that could use a little tweaking is the second sentence. It is awkward with how it is said the potential culprits provided confusing evidence. I get the idea but it's the wording of things that caused me to stumble in that paragraph.

In general, a little reword late on, maybe out loud, with a quick edit is always helpful if you find ways to adjust commas or a word here or there. I know with the contest, there probably wasn't the time. Either way, you did a great job with this one.

Keep Writing. *PenBl*



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