\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eisakamber
Review Requests: OFF
67 Public Reviews Given
77 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't know what else to say, other than: I feel for you. Losing a loved one is hard whether they are still with us or not.
Thanks for sharing. *Smile*
KC
2
2
Review of March 27th  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
How beautiful.

I love the use of one day in time that she could visit. I think this is a simple, but such an effective, way to make this story much more powerful than it could've been if it was done any other way.

You had me holding my breath as I waited to find out what was going to happen next to Becky and I was sitting on the edge of my seat at the start of the story, hoping that she would find some of her loved ones. I felt the fear and hopelessness she must have felt when she couldn't see anyone clearly, and couldn't find anyone she knew. The 'silver-blue eyes' was a nice touch that made me really 'see' what she was feeling, or should I say, what I would've felt.

There was no typo's I picked up on, and no technical errors that I saw.

I loved it and every time I think of heaven I believe this story will spring to mind.

Thanks for sharing, Fyn-14 for 15.
Have a good one. *Bigsmile*
KC
3
3
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really like the visual that this story conveyed and the relationship between these men was an easy friendship to like. I picked up a few things that I would change but apart from the typo's it is my opinion and you can decide whether my ideas have merit or not. I mean no disrespect, and only wish to help to make the story as good as it can be.

The thing that I wish I knew was what time the story is set. At times it seems like present day because of the mannerisms and language, and then there were other things, like the war where sword fighters are sort after, that make me think that it is set in medieval times.

My ideas and the typo's I picked up:

save for a few stray animals and the occasional wind - I think: save for a few stray animals and the occasional gust or breeze, something like that of wind. Would sound better.

small clearing,, a young - This is just a typo: Remove the extra comma.

clutching his arm a bit. - You seem to use "a bit" a fair bit. I was bad at that also, and it was because I use it when I talk. I don't think it is necessary in writing. Either he was clutching his arm or he wasn't. He can't really do it a bit. Maybe he could do it tenderly or gingerly because it was sore.

and his brown hair was smudged in various places. - I think I know what you are trying to say, but I think smudged is the wrong word. Maybe: his hair was slick with sweat as it clung to his face.

and a small bit of armor glittered underneath the clothing concealing it. - This sentence needs some work. Again I don't see how one can have a bit of armor. Maybe: The armor concealed by his dark clothing glittered as the sun hit his chest.

“That makes it sixteen, then. Still, it’s a bit better than before.” - Again a bit can be deleted to make this sentence better. Also, I was confused by this sentence. Had Sonidow struck Kata again? If that's the case then it needs to be made clearer because this sentence: He faced a serious-looking man loosely holding a great sword. His hair, eyes, and clothing were dark, and a small bit of armor glittered underneath the clothing concealing it. The man placed the sword in the sheath on his back before turning to his opponent, panting for breath on the ground. doesn't even give a hint of that.

Kata shook his head before motioning toward his bag, grabbing it, sitting down, and beginning to bandage himself with some cloth from it. - I think bandage is too new age maybe, covering his wounds, or tying, wrapping?

“Don’t worry too much about me. Just because sword fighting isn’t my strong suit doesn’t mean I’m not used to dealing with injuries.” - I like this. It shows a lot about Kata's personality. The only thing is, I would get rid of too and add dear friend, or cousin, or brother.

“Besides, it’s about as good as it’s going to be training-wise for now. After the last time, it’s best to try and keep a low profile. You’re just lucky you weren’t easily recognizable then, Sonidow.” - I believe that this sentence needs rewording and some real work. As the reader we don't know why or when Sonidow wasn't recognized so the hints need to be in here. Maybe: "That will do me (brother?), there is only so much training one can do before going backwards and after last time," he smiled or laughed or threw something at Sonidow, "I think it best to keep a low profile." He raised his eyebrows as he finished tying a tourniquet around the worst of his wounds on his arm, "You, my (brother?) are just lucky the dirt concealed your true identity."

“You still don’t plan on telling, do you?” - Another hint needs to be here. What isn't he telling? A secret? What happened? Who that girl was? What he ate?

Kata shook his head while cutting the bandage from the roll, flinching slightly. - Like I've said, I think bandage is too new age, but that could be the time the story is set, I don't know.

You already agreed that I can't get a job without being seen soon, and it's not like I'm going to wait forever for the war to die down." - This doesn't make sense. He can't get a job without being seen soon? Maybe you mean: These times are too dangerous, therefore a job is out of the question

“Even so, I’d rather avoid the army. I doubt I’d do too well in an actual fight.” - This needs rewording also. I think army is new age also, but that could be what you want, but if not then a nick name for the army would work better in this sentence. Like the red coats or something like that.

Kata simply smiled a bit and shook his head, picking a path through the wildlife to town. - Again, a bit. He smirked or grimaced. And wildlife doesn't work here. Maybe: He wove his way through the thick undergrowth and sort out a path heading to town.

I hope I have helped and remember these are just my opinions, but if you have any questions or quarrel I'd be happy to hear from you.
KC *Bigsmile*







4
4
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was really sweet.
You're right, every person wants someone to think that they are amazing for who they are and what they stand for.

I did pick up one little mistake:
“Oh I was just wondering if that was any good,” he said while pointing to the book, “What are you think?”
I think you mean: "What are you thinking?" or "What do you think?"

Otherwise well done on really nice peice.


5
5
Review of Why Give Up  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I think you have just sumed up who I try to be. I believe that it's hard to get up each day after getting pushed back down, but people like you or the person you wrote about are a gift to all of those who think it's too hard.
You have inspired me and I will recomend this poem to everyone I know.
Thank you for sharing your work.
*Bigsmile* KC
6
6
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my god. I am bawling. That was beautiful and horrible.
7
7
Review of Polly's Secret  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
That was a sit on the edge of your seat kind of story, and a happy one at that. I loved it. I am so excited for Polly.
8
8
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't normally like poetry, but yours is really easy to read and paints a vivid picture in my mind of the story being told.
Well done and never stop writing.
*Smile*
9
9
Review of Dark Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow!
I have never read a poem that told such a great story. That could just mean that I haven't read a lot of poems, but I think that this is wonderful.
I love the rhythm of the poem and I love the suspense of the story. I would really like to see this in story form, but only because I didn't want it to end.
Well done and keep writing.
*Smile*
10
10
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a wonderful, heart warming story.
I thank you for sharing such a story and showing that there are still some generous people in this sometimes cold world.
I love the WIIFM syndrome, so many people do live up to such a title, but it is amazing to find that, we, as a human race can still surpass all expectations.

Thanks again for sharing this.
*Smile*
11
11
Review of Last Stand  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I thought it was really well done and because I have read 'lost to the flames' I understood the little things that I missed in the first one.

I spotted a few things that I would change just to make it flow a little better.

Looking back, I suppose that it had to end like this. - I think that it sounds better if 'that' is removed.

People think that you are evil. - Same with this one.

I try not to stumble but its hard. - It's needs a apostrophe.

Well done.
*Smile*

12
12
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am only giving you a 4.5 because I want more.
I want to know what happened and what happens next.
I really liked it and I feel like it could be a great prologue. I would definately read it.
Thanks for sharing and let me know if you ever decide to extend it.
*Smile*
13
13
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, I feel for Bryan, poor bugga. Nothing like waking up with a rotten hang over and then finding out that you asked your girlfriends sister to marry you. Ugh, that would make any one feel like a hang over wasn't the worst thing that could happen.

I think the story was well written and easy to follow. Most of the time when I read a short story I want more, I want to find out what happened, but I think that this finished nicely. Although I would like to know what happens next, I can imagine what happens and I am pretty sure that nothing good will come to Bryan for a little while longer.

Thanks for the read, and good luck in the competition. *Smile*
14
14
Review of Once Upon...  Open in new Window.
for entry "Coming HomeOpen in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like it. I kind of reminds me of a tv soap at the second. I like the characters so far, but I am only imagining what it is that is making the town folk think that Naomi is loopy. Apart from isolating herself there is nothing that I can see that would warrent that sort of gossip.

So far I am liking Jackson. I think that you are doing well with him. I get the feeling that he is a little upper class, with a down to earth quality. He seems very likable, but I am dying to find out how he left Naomi. My morbid curiosity wants to read/see the fight or lack there of.

Well done. I will read the other chapters soon.
*Smile*
15
15
Review of Once Upon...  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like your intro, or should I call it a blurb? It is intriguing, and made me want to read more. But I have to get some house work done other wise I will procrastinate all day.
It wasn't until the end that I was really hooked. I thought it was another love story gone wrong, but I love the idea of an evil that is coming to get her and got her family instead.
I will endevor to read more tonight and look forward to reading about Naomi and Jackson.
16
16
Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved it.
It sums up the exact emotion I felt nearly every time a boy broke up with me, and the rhythm was beautiful.
Very well done.
17
17
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. I could hear the strength of conviction in your words. You write with such emotion about such a horrific situation. The world changed on that horrible day, and I commend anyone that defends our countries. But I can not imagine the pain it would cause a mother to watch her sons walk into that carnage and know that they will walk out different men.

Thank you for the read, and stay strong.
KC
18
18
Review of The Sell-Out  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow, what a wonderful twist. I started out reading this thinking that it was going to be another ordinary Vampire story, but I couldn't stop reading. And then the twist, like I said, wow.
I really liked the strong wording and comparisons. It made the whole story easy to see and feel.
Congratulations and write on. *Bigsmile*
19
19
Review of A Fable  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I can see a much longer story coming of this. I liked the way the this made me think of every person that has lost their way, lost their spirit and love of life. For me it was very real.
The thing that I didn't like was that there were no names. I felt connected to the people in the story but because of that I want to know their names.

Thanks for the read and write on.
20
20
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh my god....I am speachless. What can I say about such a moving, horrible, heart renching story.
I was litterally sitting on the edge of my seat as I was reading it. From the first sentance I was hooked.
What I thought was good: I was completely draw in and had a little knot in my stomach as I felt greg's fear and hopelessness.

Well done and thanks for sharing.*Smile*
21
21
Review of Drowning  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It flows beautifully, the emotion is clear, and it sums up how all of us feel at times. I love it!
22
22
Review of When Hearts Bond  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Beautifully written and a different kind of love story. Your words painted clear pictures in my mind and I could almost smell the sweet bananas and honey. I could have missed something, but I don't think it was made clear if the trainee was male or female. Even at the end I wasn't sure. I assumed for some reason that it was a female story teller.
Thanks for the read.
23
23
Review of Why  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very dark, but your expression is beautiful. I think that everyone has been there at least once in their lives.
24
24
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! Your description was beautiful, I felt as if I was there with you. I thank you for a story that painted pictures in my mind and made me wish that I was there to witness such a wonderful sight.
25
25
Review of Simon's Home  Open in new Window.
Review by KC Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Amazing and heart renching! I couldn't stop reading and I am close to crying. You described everything with such emotion and feeling that I am truly touched.
27 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eisakamber