This is such a great piece. It really makes the reader think and will possibly persuade readers like Jones to change their lifestyle. However, there are a few areas that can be polished a bit. In the line beginning: "I'm just going to out" I'm not sure the 'to' should be there. In the line beginning: "I hanged out where actually" 'hanged' should probably be 'hung'. Overall, it's a wonderful piece. Good luck with your future writing endeavors :)
The imagery in this poem is absolutely spectacular. I loved it! I was taken to the California Gold in the first stanza of the poem. I never would have thought to combine love and treasure seeking in this way. Your concept is so original and well done. Kudos to you!
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