That was a lot of fun! I like the worldbuilding with the Shubox and how Bobbi and Bella both have strengths and weaknesses with their respective styles of shapeshifting. Really curious to hear what Bella had done too!
I like the storyline, particularly the cat one so far. Even if it does seem to go a little fast at times.
That's my suggestion for you. Slow down a bit. Take your time with each chapter and write vividly about the events that are unfolding. Don't just steamroll through it, make each moment thoughtful and full of descriptions.
Also, you keep toggling through first and third person sometimes in mid chapter.
As I said, slow down a little when writing and go into more detail. You should have something great then.
Let me start by saying that I love this story, it takes an old concept but makes it completely original in its own way. Intriguing is the correct word to sum up my ultimate feelings for this interactive. Good characters, fun story, excellent plot device. However, there are several things that prevent from giving this a perfect score.
The biggest thing was the fact that you used the first chapter to divide up the setting, characters, and information on the book. Now I understand, it's important that you let the reader know the vivid details of these things, else they'll be totally lost if they decide to add to the interactive themselves. But it just feels...gamey for lack of a better word.
You remember back in the day when video games came in a box with a nice fat manual that had all the background information you needed to know for the story? You approach to describing the details of the story kind of reminds me of that tactic, no offense to you.
It might just be personal tastes but I LOVE a story where I have to slowly figure out the character. You somewhat take out half the fun when you label everything in a huge separate chapter at the beginning of the story like that. See, the beauty of an interactive, at least from my perspective, is that you give people ideas and you see what they do with them. I've had some brilliant ideas for characters and plot that people took and went totally another way with them that I would have never thought of.
What I'm saying is, by setting up these early information chapters you're limiting the directions the story can go. Yes, you're providing us a very handy index on the characters, but at the same time it limit the creativity of the story.
Seriously though, don't let what I said get you down. It's a brilliant, brilliant piece of work mate. You could call my complaints problems with my own tastes. Can't wait to read more.
This is just getting started but its always nice to see something new and original out in the masses of cloned stories. Seriously, uneven growth and shrink is a fascinating change of pace and I'd like to get around to adding more.
You've set up the characters nicely, personally I want to explore Risa a little more and see her turn into a greedy person using the lotion as a boon for money. There's plenty of room for people to expand on their own stories, and you've even given the option to add our own characters. Best of all we're not bogged down by too many stupid choices, which is always a plus.
You do kind of force growth on us, not that there's anything wrong with that.
I'm a fan of your work and would like to see more added to this story eventually, if I ever got around and got a break from working on my own other stories I'd definitely like to come back and work on this.
Somewhat interesting because it's a favorite subject of mine. But still lacking substance. Most of the stories evolve the same way. Krystal finds (insert object or thing here), she becomes (insert method or animal here). It gets sort of dull after awhile.
There is of course loads of room for improvement. Some stories just plan run out of conflict before they even take off and become totally boring. No offense. But like I said, there are no deal breakers. You have the potential to add more to these stories if you put your mind to it.
In Conclusion: Favorite subject of mine. Average plots. No conflict. Work on it more and it will be better.
The best interactive stories are ones that offer plenty of interesting options that can provide adequate drama no matter the choice. There's no shortage of this in yours, the characters are interesting once the story starts moving and most arcs keep me glued until the end.
However, you have have given too much variety. My favorite sort of interactives are the one that establish a character and setting, then drop you into it with their arms folded saying "Let's see what happens." You do this...but it just gets overwhelming to read sometimes. There are so many different characters and so many options I can go from one story to another and completely get lost.
It doesn't help that some misspelled words from the adding authors make it even harder to follow sometimes. Now I'm not against the use of letting people make their own characters, but set some sort of standard plot. Take for example, your costume store story. You made the shop, the guy, and the costumes all readily available to new readers to establish some sort of constant. And the genius of that was they could add their own characters in at any time. Here it's "There's some TF Tech. Go crazy."
Don't let my opinion dictate the story at all though. You should do what you want, and this story is the most popular interactive you have so you must be doing something right with it. And yes I'm a total hypocrite because I did the same thing with my Warcraft story.
My final word: Fun once it gets going, but it's wide variety makes the decent stories hard to follow.
I've been a fan of most costume stores on writing.com, and this is one of the better ones. So let me get the praise over for it. It's incredibly well written, the characters are interesting and believable figures. It uses both the scientific and the magical to create a very life-like scenario, the two characters really bring to light what one would do with such a power. I would very much like to see it progress with the first arc. (The one on chapter 27 at the moment.)
However, the story is not without it's flaws. There are points in the story where I just literally lose track of what's going on. Oddly misspelled words and unclear descriptions is an easy way to lose an audience, especially when dealing with the scientific. While the longest arc right now it keeping me interested throughout the whole story, it's the second longest arc that lacks the intriguing grab of the first.
Personally I think it was to do with the hidden motives of Betty in the first one. She seems so much more of an interesting character in the long arc, that I can't help but fall in love with her. Of course I am a huge villain fan. My suggestion to you is, expand on Betty more. She's the best character out of the two. Also, I would add more drama to spice up their predicament. Maybe have a guy fall for Henry while he's in the Betty suit or something.
Overall: Fun to read. Let's see more of Betty and the longer arc.
Very fun and has tons of options. My biggest complaint is that people tend to make the option choices for the most merger things. Such as if you'd rather have the character wear a blue shirt or a red one (not exactly like that but). In a good interactive story I like being in control of the character's major choices but I don't have to have to choose every little thing they have to do. Part of the fun is seeing how they react and letting their personality take over for the situation you created for them. It's nothing you can help though, it's a major problem in all the stories on this site. It's just a small annoyance, the story touches on one of my favorite subjects matters so I like it.
Fun and imaginative, the story presents itself with plenty of options to expand upon. I would however like to see the story evolve with more exotic animals besides the standard "cat" and "dog". I plan on having a lot of fun with the elephant and slug one, which I'm thinking up stories for. Try and see if you can fit a giraffe or maybe rhino or something in the stories somehow. No one ever seems to think of the more odd ones.
This is probably one of the biggest interactives on the website and there's no shortage of options or action within them. My few complaints are those you can't help but I'll say them anyway. The format is way too clustered so that it's hard to hard what it is you're looking for. Also most just tend to start a story and never go anywhere with it. Like the option where they both Naruto and Tsunade, the tale just ends like that. Maybe you can sort through it if you have the time to and add your own additions so it doesn't feel like it's just over. But I honestly liked the story, it has plenty of potential for conflict.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eblmeg
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 5:11am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
