If you're expecting a professional review, forget that. My teachers padded my report card, so they wouldn't have to look at me the next year.
The story is good. If you take it as a whole, it hits on reality. It hit on an old nerve, been there and done that. It's wonderful how helping someone else can start a whole new chain of events to start.
I'm a romantic so I would have had Sally single and them becoming friends, but life is what it is.
Hello, up in Montana
I liked your story, it's almost believable, well almost. Then, I went on to read the rest of your stories. I liked all of them. They have a different tone to them. I can almost see an old cowboy sitting around a campfire spinning a yarn beneath a star lite sky.
I was stationed at Glasgow Airforce base back in 1963 and 1964 and enjoyed my stay there. Me and another guy from Cookeville, Tn. were probably the only guys not trying to transfer somewhere else. We enjoyed hunting, fishing, and exploring old ghost towns, but the good times didn't last as we were transferred to Vietnam.
If you enjoy stories that have a comical side to them, you can find some in my folder... Stories from the front porch swing.
I like your human interest story. Even though it's marked fiction, how do we know it's not. It brings to surface a memory each of us carries. We each know where we were at and what we were doing when the world stopped turning. I think your story should have placed, but that is just my humble opinion.
I found your story on 'The second chance entry'. I thought about entering, but you are still up against the best and all categories are poured in the same bucket. It's like comparing a ww1 twin wing Forker airplane to a sleek fighter jet. The jet will win the race, but the Forker has character and its own beauty.
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed the ride. And good luck. REJ
Your story was a joy to read; it reminded me of my Dad going over the firing procedures for the 16-inch guns on the USS Missouri during WW11. He retired after 30-years with the Navy. He never talked much about the battles, but would talk about life aboard ship.
I read this because I wanted to see where you were going with this. The title conjures up a lot of possibilities for the outcome. Bravo on your ending. I am all in favor of happy endings. I can't comment on the technical stuff as I was the last in my class on that stuff. So, will go with overall impact. Which I thought was very good.
Doc, I liked that. I can't say if it's good poetry or not since I'm not into writing poetry.So, I'll just stick with overall content. It took me back in years.I liked the line 'Thank me for my service. Do they know what I’ve done?'
I might have added, they don't have a clue about what I've done. Nixion's war still haunts me today.
Keep up the good work. You might like my story 'The countdown, going home'.
Wow, good reading. I jumped from the first story to this one. I had to follow the rabbit all the way to the hole. I didn't stop to check for errors because I was so engrossed in the story. To me that's what matters the most 'content to the extream, that you can't put it down'.
A good thought keeping newsletter. the only thing missing is the escaped criminals, 'The Clinton gang' who jumped off a time-ship on the way to prison. Now, they cain't get their uranium back from Russia to refuel there escape pod.
Just messing with you. Really enjoyed the piece as it covered a lot of territories I never thought about. Keep up the good work.
Now, I’m wondering what she will see before I get to the end of the story. The dark places of my mind throw out endless possibilities and I stay away from the dark side, real life is scary enough. I probably would have gone with her seeing an 18-year-old girl, then the next time a 10-year-old girl then the neighbors finding a baby on the floor.
Good story, I picked out more of what I need to concentrate on than anything else and that is filling in between the dialog.
I doubt I could say anything that you haven't heard before, it would just be an echo of encouraging words.So I'll give it five stars since it was a piece I could not put down until I finished reading it.
Like the early pioneers, our own fathers became the men of the times, just doing what needed to be done. My own father born in 1916 served and retired from the Navy. He trained on one of the last sailing ships the nave had. I always thought that was fascinating and wished I had paid closer attention to his stories. Now they're just bits and pieces.
Keep following your dream. You have it all together.
Don't know if this is where I'm supposed to be or not, but here it is and some may not want to read it, but they should before it's too late.
Once upon a time there was a country divided amongst its self. Every day, the people poked at old wounds and delighted in their newly gained dark desires and branded those who opposed them. One day, the good people tried to restore morality to the land, but they had waited too long. Because of that, sexism, drugs, corruption, greed and self-pleasures fueled the train of self-destruction. Until finally, the armies of the world walked upon the shores without raising a sword.
A very thought provoking piece. It could very well fit the Vietnam war when people threw rocks at our bus' when we came home and spat at us from behind police lines like we were the ones that made the policies. Your last line 'one Nation under God, if he truly was in everyone's heart there would be no need to write this piece. Wouldn't that be grand?
How I wound up here, is now a mystery to me, but I'm glad I ended up here. I remember passing past a least two dozen poems, a couple of pink unicorns and one monkey riding a dragon.Not that I'm picky, but I guess I am as I'm passed the balloons and lolly pop stages a long time ago. I enjoy true family stories and write a few myself, but mine are on the comical side. I think this is the first time I have ever read about a missing body part, I do hope the fellow was able to use it later.
I read parts of your 'End time story' and know you're still working on it. I liked parts of what I read, but I think a bit of research would help you come across in a more reality setting, man kind will be at their best and evil people will be at their worse.
I'm just an old coot filling in the hours of the day and my opinions aren't going to bake anybody's bread; so you have a good day and keep writing.
R.E.Jones
Your writing I can understand, it's real. It pulls you in.
I have never been much for poetry, dragons, pink unicorns or the dark side. I will cut this short. I didn't come over here for the points, but just to check in and it's good.
I hope you have pitched this story to some Youth magazines and church publications
because that is where it needs to be. This is a very good story.
Too many young people feel they have no one to turn to. It is sad we live in a world that this has become almost commonplace in some form. Over the last two weeks, charges were brought against three teachers here in Tenn. and children are reported missing every week.
Been there, done that. But that was back in sixty-two. God, that makes me feel old, which I am, but that's just a state of mind. My vocabulary locks up sometimes; had to look up that last word. I'll use it on my wife this Sunday in church, that will mess with her head.
Good story enjoyed that. REJ
I seldom read poetry and almost passed this by. Then I went to get my wife, we both had a chuckle. I'm not a reviewer per say, as I have enough troubles with my own material so I just go with the overall content. I like this; there are no dragons or purple people eaters and it makes sense. The probability of it being true, I would say, very high.
You might like a story I wrote 'Burying Mr. Bee' a humorous country story.
Take care, I enjoyed this piece very much.
I like the story, but I'm not too keen on anybody putting a chip in my body. But you can bet it's on the drawing boards to someday be mandatory. For our own good, it will be a cashless society. For who's own good, that is the question?
Another last line possibility: Does that mean I have access to my Ex's new husband's bank account? 'I'm working on it.'
Amen, after a dozen times of putting this thing in reverse I finally found something that didn't include dragons, fairies, little green men or memories from my first kiss. I'm not a reviewer as you can tell, just hopscotch around looking for something that's not influenced by the instant replays of our social and world news media. I've got an item like this somewhere, about Lazarus and his conversation with God while he was gone for three days. Guess, I'll bring it up to date and see if anyone appreciates the humor. Like your story.
I don't know what you were up against, but somebody had to do some powerful writing to beat your story. I like the title it automatically conjures up an image of a safe place to stay. I like Suzy, reminds me of my granddaughter, everybody has their hang-ups and most outgrow them in time.
Wishing your brother well and a safe return. I'm glad you called him. It reminds me of the calls I meant to make and didn't. Back in the sixties in Vietnam, it was hard to get a call out, but we wrote our parents or girl when we could. Male-call was the highlight of our day. Now you can talk and see each other via computer now. oh, what we would have given for one of those back then. I like your story, it brought back a lot of old memories.
How I wound up over here, I'm not sure. This contraption and I go around and around every time I get on it.But I must say, I think I have tried all of the above and even sitting on the tailgate of my truck with a box of books at Walmarts did not help. I think you might be on to something with the name change. I'm not sure my wife will go along with that, though. But I'll think about it. I like your style if nothing else your story is a reality of the fact.
From one veteran to another. You're ok.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/e-ronnie
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.13 seconds at 9:37am on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
