its kind of confusing, because it says she likes him but then she says she dont knoe if she can like him or not. you had some really good describing words and some lines that flowed really well together. i liked the concept that you were going for.
hah this was really unique. i liked the way you spelled out the title but made it into a poem, that was reallly cool. i think you had really good detail and i could picture some of your lines
this was really deep and i felt like you tried really hard to come up with something but i think you kind of rushed into the whole song thing. i didnt get the line "your sing song voice" that would have been a good place to put some details or explain how their voice was like that. Its a really good poem and i like the ryhme scheme but i felt like you rushed into the lullaby part too quickly. its ok to be more detailed and show some imagery its what makes it better, but it was reallly good and i like the title alot!
Nothing was cliche and thats what i thought this story might would have. my faborite line was 'once more you said it this time in front of friends...now i understand this isn't pretend.'
i thought that was so deep and serious like the girl was finally realizing that he did love her. To me it seems like she wasn't saying it back because maybe she was scared he was saying it just to say it, and she didnt want to believe him because he might break her heart but now she realizes that he truely means it. your a very talented in deatails but this poem to me didn't have so much imagery. imagery could have made it better.
I thought this story was great! The way you put so much explanation and emotion into it made it seem like i was watching this person, like a movie or something. the line "I grabbed the flower, and i wished you away." it makes me think of a someone who has been through alot of pain, and there tired of feeling that way, and maybe they're thinking of suicide to get rid of their thoughts or either it makes me think of a dandelion that your blowing off and the little petals are blowing through the wind and your watching them as they blow away and wishing all the pain would stop and you would no longer have to worry about them in your life. This story to me seems something about how you would express the way you feel and thats good because it has aloy of emotion and details. i didn't really need to know you were naked and it says in the beginning,"i stood on my rooftop" but then it goes along and says your walking a mile down the road? i didnt really get that.
haha this was pretty good! some parts i couldnt understand because im a blonde but i got most of it. your imagery was alittle off because i couldnt really picture most of the parts in my mind
this stroy had alot of imagery, it made it seem like it was a movie and i was their watching it. you described the fall air really well. you are a talented writer
ha i really liked this stroy because i love prank calling ppl i know that they will believe it. you actually made it seem real to me. it was alittle lame at some point but details and going into depth can make it better.
it was a realy good story but were there differnent chapters? to tell the honest truth i dont like reading really long stories but thats your own thing. you a very talented writer. keep it up. imagery was the main key in this story and you really caught my attention with the title. i loved the way it sounded!!
wow i can actually picture some of these lines in my mind!! this is a really good poem and i like the ryhme scheme. it has good imagery. i dont know if your the baby's sibling or the dad, that part is what is confusing me about this poem. it was really cute!!
I think you need more imagery. it would make a good starter for your story but don't say his heart pounded because everybody says that its a cliche, but other than that its has a good turning ppoint.
Its a pretty good poem but its kind of hard to understand. personally i think the title doesnt go with the poem because your talking about how this person ripped your heart up, and how you fear them but the title makes me think of how they loved and cared for you; like sweet and romantic.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dwaynewayne
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:54pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
