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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Okay, at first I thought that this was going to be silly given the circumstances around the actual loony toon character that got canceled in Hollywood but this piece genuinely made me laugh. Especially when you brought judge Judy into the mix. I could hear her voice in my head. I wish you had expounded on the dialogue between them a lot more as it would've been awesome to see Judy rip both Acme and Wile apart for their outrageous antics. Great read nonetheless.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again. This is Octavious with another review of Invisible threads. This time I'm covering chapters ll, 12 and 13.

Please forgive the delay in reviewing this piece, as life has been busy. Nevertheless, the way these chapters are set up, makes it easy to read so thank you for properly formatting your chapters.

With that being said, chapter 11 is absolute fire. From beginning to end. Here the MC is posed an important question by his boss about the nature of his magic and what it could do. It enhanced the story to a whole new level and made things more interesting. I love the realism in these characters each has their own concerns regarding what the MC is trying to do. One is trying to put on a good show. Another is trying to discover and understand the nature of his true power. While another wants nothing to do with it. So thumbs up for ch 11.

In chapter twelve, the MC discovers a new way to use magic and it becomes the source of the new performance. It's interesting to say the least and it makes you curious to see if there can be new ways to use this ability. I also love how you mix the paranormal with the science. Points there and we get to see the relationship between the MC and his manager move forward in a weird and straightforward pace.

Finally, Chapter 13 is a continuation of the previous chapter where we're introduced to an old fashioned magician and his wife. The relationship is certainly well written as it carries similar tones to the relationship of my marriage.

One thing I can take away from reading Invisible Threads is the description of still places. This is something i struggle with as its way easier for me to describe movement and action rather than paint a picture of a still setting with just words alone. Its something that I'll strive to emulate. Overall great chapters sir. I'll see you next time.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Octavious here with a review of Invisible Threads. I'll be covering the story so far from chapters 8, 9 and 10. So far the story seems to be centered on the protagonist's goal to prove magic exists on a scientific scale. The plot delivers his goal via the entertainment industry where dreams die or come true.

In the three chapters I've read the story develops further with new characters and new situations. We get a potential rival, and a love interest in a way and a hilarious made up interview. The dialogue is crisp and to the point and the characters feel real in this world.

The downside is the pacing. After discovering his ability to do tricks the plot seems to revolve around himself within the entertainment industry and a way to prove it to the whole world. I feel that there are better and exciting ways to do that but being that our protagonist is an anti-social introvert, it seems that he needs the aid of his manager to get him where he's going. Ill be back.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, this is Octavious with a review of invisible threads from chapters 5 to 7. The story is moving forward so far albeit slowly. The characters seem to be working on two things at once the science behind the invisible thread and the upcoming superstar show. We're also introduced to new characters in both the science industry and entertainment industry. I have a small worry with the story but I'll hold off on it until a few chapters in.

Other than that, the characters are real and interesting as well as the plot. Let's continue to the next few chapters.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Octavious being that this is playing off the previous chapter, I'm going to read several chapters before I give my review. So far, I'm digging it.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Alright. Octavious back again with another review of Invisible Threads. I have to say, I'm really enjoying this piece about the entertainment industry. Normally all we hear about the place are conspiracy theories about how Hollywood is from shunned entertainers, but here we get to see the real innerworkings of executives and directors or people trying to become directors while managing the craziness of the entertainment industry.

Here, Gary somewhat nails his performance at the talent show and is about to move to the next level. The story is simply written where anyone can understand when they read it and the characters are relatable as they struggle to get ahead in the game.

The only issue I have is with the title of this novel; Invisible threads.

When I first saw the title I thought it was going to be a murder mystery of some sorts, I don't have a problem with it, but I'm sure fans of the genre will. Thanks for writing this piece. Looking forward to the next chapter.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Octavious here with a review of Chapter 2 of Invisible Threads.

We continue with the story and we get an hilarious encounter with the MC and the interviewer. I like how straight forward and honest he is about himself and i understand the idea behind his character as you've perfectly explained it between the two characters. The self-aware nerd.

This is a continuation of the previous chapter and I'm still wondering where all this is going to lead to. Are things are going to expand into something bigger or are we going to stay in the entertainment industry. I'm going with the latter as there's a lot I'm learning about how people quickly put together an act that an audience likes. Show business!!!

Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Octavious here with a Review of Invisible threads. Ok first let me start by saying that i clicked on read and review to find this piece. I recommend writers, novelists in particular, to post their novels on the please review page of writing.com so they can draw more attention as well as review someone else's work to gain more readers for their pieces. It's always a good idea to get different eyes on your work, including the ones who don't like your work to read it. It can give you a better idea of which audience you appeal to. One review isn't enough to get an idea of where your writing stands.

With that being said, This piece isn't so bad. I enjoyed how the writer created a weird awkward introvert in a world where one must be the exact opposite to thrive. The setting is unique and well thought out which tells me that the author has some experience in the entertainment industry as I didn't know how auditions worked in the real world.

The downside is things are a bit slow to get interesting but as we all know novels need some time to get to full speed. So far, i'm curious as to where this is going and I'm committed to reviewing the second chapter.

Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, Octavious here with a review of The Monster Inside the Bottle. A drama revolving around alcoholism and loss.

Reading this piece was difficult not because of the writing, but because of the subject matter. It's told from the perspective of a helpless young man trapped with someone struggling with addiction. The writer does an excellent job showing you the sheer trauma the MC goes through in a single day. The anger, the hurt, and the isolation are all there. My heart went out to the MC as there was a steep hill to climb with a man who didn't know how to put down the bottle. I'm not much for drama pieces but this read had me filled with anger sympathy and disgust and I'm sure anyone who reads this will feel the same.

Good job on writing this piece
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Review of Sam Platte 2  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Sir, Octavious here with another review of this Western piece. In this piece we introduce our group of antagonists as they prepare to execute their plan on the protagonists. I like how the writer does so many things with so few words. He props up the MC by having him called the Buffalo Man by the natives, we get a back and forward between the chief and his henchmen and we get a great dive into their culture from the dialogue alone. Great stuff.

I enjoyed this piece and I hope to read more in the future sir.

Keep Writing and I'll keep reading.
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Review of Sam Platte  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Sir, Octavious here with a review of Sam Platte. I'm going to be honest with you on this piece sir. Reading the first sentence shocked the hell out of me. Never read a piece like this before and I was worried until I saw the picture of your profile. With that being said I decided to dive in and take a read.

This is my first stab at a western and It certainly reads like one. The dialogue, the setting, and the plot places me in that environment. I love the writing style as well, reminds me a lot like mines; simple, to the point and moves forward nicely. There's not a lot to go off of as this is a simple scene, so I'm going to end the review here and move on to he next chapter.

Keep Writing and I'll keep reading.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again. Octavious here with another review of the blue blaze chapter 2. In this chapter we delve a little deeper into the story with the protagonist deciding for himself what he wishes to do with himself and he is aided by a friend. We also have a good training sequence that's decently written, no problems there and we learn a little more about MC's mom and dad. As in the first chapter the story is progressing nicely along with character development.

However there was one issue I had with the plot and thats with the MC's friend. Reading this chapter I find out that the MC have had multiple encounters with the bullies from the first chapter and we find out here that his best friend knows Mui Thai. I'm not sure how well he is into the Martial art, but I was disturbed as the friend could've fought the bullies off for him. I know as growing men, we must learn to solve our own problems, but my man was getting brutally beaten. He could've done SOMETHING. That was the only flaw I saw with this.

Also. I noticed you properly formated the first chapter of your story. You will need to do the same with this one as it was a bit difficult to read. Look forward to reading chapter three.

Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
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Review of Part 5: Acts  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Sup my man how ya doing. Dug into another one of your chapters and man you certainly know how to creep me out with your descriptions horror is a genre that suits your talents well. The family feast is something that wont leave my head for awhile. We also see our MC take some agency in this story which is awesome to see as usual and we finally see a return of her enigmatic friend.

Can't wait to read the rest my man.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Salutations readers. Octavious here with a review of The Blue Blaze the first chapter of a young man suffering at the hands of oppressors. The first paragraph hit me just as hard as the bully hit the MC. It was brutal, good, detailed really well and had me taken aback. Great start.

The characters are decently fleshed out and reacted appropriately to the situation and the Mother of the MC is a very interesting as its the first time I've seen anyone take that type of stance towards their son. Good stuff. There's a character you can sympathize with a character you hate and a character you want to succeed.

This is definatly how to start a chapter so great Job.

Keep writing and I'll Keep reading.
Happy Holidays.
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Review of Old Magic  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good day Octavious here with another review of the first chapter of Old Magic. First let me commend you on word usage and character presentation. Masterful job on those fronts. Ayu and the relationship with his father his fathers relationship with his troops the magic...stunning. Even the very last sentence left me intrigued and it gives an idea how things may play out in the next chapter. I wish there was more in this chapter plot wise, like the battle and its turn out but I'm sure to find out in the next chapter.

This is the first chapter and its a little short on plot so I can't give you and overall review of the the story but from what I just read, you're off to a great start.

Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Happy Holidays.
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Review of Part 3: Exodus  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Salutations dear friend. How are things Octavious here with another review of Siren's Testament. Its been awhile as life had me away, but i've discovered a way to connect to the internet at my job so here we go.

I remember reading the first two chapters of this book and enjoying the heck out of it. This chapter is no different and its on the gory side. This chapter reminds me of the game Darksiders with the angles and demons battling each other with added detail. I appreciate the detail put into the gruesome battle between the two entities the creepy demons the elementals and the seraphim the gold gore is something I never saw before so good on ya.

This chapter had alot going for it with the gory battle and what everything the young lady had to go through and based on the ending of this chapter, I think I have an idea of where this is going. Expect another review my man and keep writing.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well hello there friend hows it hanging? Octavious here with another review of Siren's Testament. A supernatural goth story reminiscent of Dante's inferno but with a nice twist. Its been awhile since i've read the last chapter in this tale but I haven't forgotten it. We follow bell after her shocking revelation in the previous chapter where she's seeking answers.

Credit to the author as he cleverly uses words to bring this story to life a skill that helps keeps readers interested in the story. The descriptions are solid and the story flows at a great pace. The MC seems like a deviant who's struggling with her past as well as her own personal traumas in life that just want to live a deviant life along side her devil friend. However things haven't been running so smoothly as contact with the underworld comes with its costs. I'm glad I came across this piece before as it explores some deep themes about love and destiny.

Great job man.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
What's happening? Long time no see and it's good to see you're still pushing onward with your writing. Again this is another piece that left me speechless. A girl with a demon falling in love with a boy with an angel. The chemistry between them is perfect as well as the feelings developed between them. The set up is nice. You built the character up from scratch at the beginning detailing her experiences with the demon and developed a strong bond between the two before sending her to high school. Its easy and fun to read with well developed characters and the dialogue is spot on. Congrats man you got yourself another badge.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello this is octavious with a review of Pony life. Now please understand that i'm not a My Little Pony fan nor did I watch any of the shows so please take this review with a grain of salt. Based on reading this piece, this seems to be a more...serious story given that the antagonist comes off like a rude troll and what it takes for him to come to his senses is the threat of physical harm. I'm not sure if this is the type of thing My little Pony is known for, then I probably would've given it a chance.

This is primarily a dialogue piece with minimum action taking place, but the writing is solid and I did enjoy the read. Though the only characters that stood out to me, was the rude troll and the pony that grew in size. I laughed when Draven's attitude changes when he sees someone capable of stomping him into the ground. Besides the minor issues I had, I enjoyed the short read and hope to continue with the series. Thank you for writing.
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Review of Poison Chapter 7  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Raven sorry for the late reply, was busy with work. This chapter runs through events rather swiftly with the elves running into spiders at the start of the paragraph. I like the progression so far and the sacrifice, though it did fall a little flat for me as I'm not well acquainted with your characters. Similar to the dark elf, more words are needed to give your characters a sense of personality. Currently the female Dark elf stands out the most and is arguably the greatest and unique female antagonist I've ever read.

What I reccomend, is more dialogue between each character to better enchance their personality. Have them talk about their beliefs, opinions backround ect. Thank you for writing this piece. Keep writing and keep reading.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Why did you stop writing this? Loved the story thus far. Opals' development is coming on nicely and you've included some decent descriptions. Dialogue is strong as well. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
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Review of Oneka: Chapter 3  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Going straight into this. I do enjoy the progression here. I often frown upon time skips as most don't established their characters well enough to justify one but here it works well as it introduces the main character about to make 20. I love the relationship between father and daughter and you've added a little extra on the side. I love it. The fight scene here is very unique filled with cool ideas which made for an very exiting read. Cool can't wait to read the next chapter.
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Review of Oneka: Chapter 2  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again. Octavious here for a review of chapter 2 of Oneka. Here, we dive a little more into the villain's part of this story and their main purpose. Excellent progression and we find out some of the rules of the youkai in this world. The names throw me off a bit as they are names from some famous people in Japanese history and video games but I was intrigued from beginning to end. Care for another round?
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Review of Oneka: Chapter 1  Open in new Window.
Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello there this is Octavious/Donald for a review of Oneka chapter 1. First let me just say that I have a fondness of eastern stories and are often the inspiration behind my stories so I came into this eager to read something cool. Judging by the way things fared here, I take it that this is a backstory or origin chapter for the main protagonist Oneka. Story flowed pretty well and setting is on point.

The fight scenes was a little rough to read though as it was difficult to picture in my head. Other than that, I liked how things started and will read the next chapter. Until then, keep writing and I'll keep reading.
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Review by Octavius Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
What's going on my man how are things? Here for a review of the young fairy and the sprite. Here we have a scene that starts off with a spell that has all of the villages frozen like statues. She realizes that an very important book has gone missing and risks it all to get it back.

I'm going to stop the summary right there to avoid spoilers towards the end. Couple of things I appreciate. I appreciate the theme of the story. Show courage and stand when no one else can. An awesom theme that I would get behind any day. I like how things start off with the people being frozen it caught me wondering.

Now for the difficult part of this review. This story felt rushed to me. We go from one point in the story straight into another at a very fast pace and there are multiple instances of telling vs showing. Example:

She puts a resist magic spell from both books on herself. Here is where i'm talking about. Instead:

She clapped her heels together, closed her eyes. Both books burst open as pages flap directly to the desired spell. Her eyes spring open just as she shouts, "RESIST MAGIC" Then a light blue disk appears above her head and descends enveloping her body in a light blue sheet of magic that quickly fades away.

Have a little fun with your story remember its not the overall story that makes a difference, the devils in the details as they say. Draw out each sentence and ask yourself: is there a way I can make this sentence more dynamic than it is. Each sentence is supposed to invoke an image inside the reader's mind and only with detailed sentences and wording is where you can achive that. One way I do it is to look at someone or your significant other and write everything she does. The twist in her walk, the flick in his collar or the twitch in a persons hand. It all adds up.

While I do feel that this is a good piece with great themes and characters, it still needs work for this story truly come alive. I will be here to help if needed.

Best Wishes
Octavious
Keep Reading and I'll keep writing.


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