Title: "Invalid Item" 
Chapter: (Chapter 1)
Author: Mike Day 
Plot
The story is moving at a good pace, as we learn about several characters. This is a good first chapter, setting the tone for what’s coming next. I’m looking forward to know each of these characters as the story develops. Where’s chapter 2? LOL!
Style & Voice
I love the style of this story. I find it intriguing and filled with emotions. The voice of your characters is very well developed, and I can almost hear them talk, with a British accent.  I love their voices. I think writing believable dialogue is probably your strongest point. 
Referencing
I knew right away I was in England, because of the fish and chip shops. LOL! I’ve never been to England, but I’ve been reviewing several books for a British friend of mine in my review forum, and I recognized similar settings and expressions, such as “mate”. Interesting! Love it.
Scene/Setting
You have very good sensory details, including smell, which I often forget when I write. I love your descriptions, and there was a good balance between setting and action. I could see it clearly in my mind.
Characters
I love your characters so far.
First, we meet Peter, who seems to be going through a lot of heartache. So much emotion is conveyed. I couldn’t help but being concerned about him and wanting to find out the cause for his gloomy state of mind.
Then, we meet Susan, observing Peter from a distance, and Ted, her customer. I like the way they talk, in such a casual way. I could hear them clearly. It’s almost like I was there. LOL!
I’m wondering how each character will connect later in the story. Sue doesn’t seem to know Peter. I’m sure they will meet later in the story.
I would have liked to see more details about each character. What do they look like? Adding details would help the reader connect with each of them.
One word of caution. The story starts with Peter, then shifts to Sue, then to Ted. It’s fine, but make sure each section of your chapter is told from only one character’s point of view, and separate each section clearly not to confuse the reader. I made some comments in the line-by-line below.
Grammar
I noticed a few problems with commas. I made some notes in the line-by-line below. Dialogue tags are not technically wrong, but many of them can be eliminated for stronger writing. I shared some of my thoughts in the line-by-line below.
Just My Personal Opinion
I love this chapter, and I would continue reading if there were more chapters… and if I could only find the time to read more. LOL! Great job!
Line by Line (my comments are in red)
Selling Sarah (working title)
By Mike Day
Sunlight sparkled on the boating pond as Peter walked slowly (Can you find a stronger verb that would mean “walked slowly” to eliminate the adverb?) through the memorial park. Gulls wheeled overhead, riding a breeze that tasted of the sea. (I like the imagery. )
Pennhaven, a pretty seaside town, was slow to waken this early in the season. In the middle distance (comma) a street cleaner pushed his trolley down a ramp that led up to the sea defences. Peter, still pacing along the level path, watched him head towards the High street that ran parallel to the beach.
To Peter, despite the sunlight, the colours around him seemed muted, dull pastels. Months of inertia pulled on his heels as he took each step. He pursed his lips and pushed on, determined to make it at least as far as the door to his gallery.
He reached the corner of the High St and paused, his hand rested heavily on the wooden window frame of Jenny’s Plaice (Plaice? Place, maybe, or Palace?) , the first of five fish and chip bars that graced the street. (We must be in England. LOL!) Inside, the stainless steel counter reflected the violet light of the bug zapper that hummed on the wall. Peter closed his eyes, unwilling to accept any more colours, any more memories. He felt cold water as it began to run down his spine and knew that he‘d failed.
This time the psychological hill was in his favour, (period) he stumbled across the road, caught the wrought iron post of the park gate with one insensate hand and broke into a staggering, disjointed trot. From the post office roof (comma) a hearing gull mocked his feeble attempt.
At his cottage (comma) he lent against the yellow wooden door and sobbed. He made no attempt (The word “attempt” appears twice in the last two paragraphs. I would suggest rewording one of them, to eliminate repetition.) to find his key (comma) letting the pain flow through him, waiting for the ebb of the tide.
-----
Susan Haines was rubbing at a persistent coffee ring on a table outside her café when she glimpsed (I think a different verb is needed here. Unless you want to use “glimpsed at”?) someone standing by the chip shop. Huffing at the stiffness in her back (comma) she stood up just in time to see him turn and hurry away. She was still leaning to one side (comma) trying to catch sight of him (comma) when a voice made her start.
‘Morn’n Sue, any chance of a coffee?’ Asked (no need to capitalize here.) the man in his fifties, (period) he had the creased and weathered face of a fisherman. (I would suggest rephrasing to eliminate the dialogue tag and the “telling”:
‘Morn’n Sue, any chance of a coffee?’
She spun around and looked at the man in his fifties standing right next to her, with his creased, weathered face of a fisherman.
… That’s just an example. I learned recently how to eliminate most of my dialogue tag and replace them with action, for stronger writing.)
‘You gave me such a fright!’ she said as she brushed down her apron. (Again, the dialogue tag can easily be eliminated through rephrasing:
She brushed down her apron. “You gave me such a fright!”
We know she’s talking, because it follows an action she does. There’s no need to use “she said” in this case.)
‘Asking for a coffee?’
‘What’re you doing creeping up on people?’
‘Me? I’m just after a cup of coffee…’ He said pretending to be hurt. (I would rephrase to eliminate the dialogue tag: “He pretended to be hurt.” But now we have a POV issue. We’re in her head, not his. I would describe his facial expression instead and let the reader figure out he’s pretending to be hurt.)
‘Well beggars can’t be choosers, not with business the way it is. What do you want (comma) Ted?’ she asked over her shoulder as she disappeared into the café.
‘One of them cappuccino things please, best make it to take out, got to get a wiggle on this morning.’ He called as (I would remove “he called as” and start a new sentence with “He gazed (…)) he gazed down the road (comma) trying to figure out what she had been looking at.
As Sue worked her magic at the chromium contraption, he followed her inside, (period) ‘so (capitalize “So”) what was going on down the road?’ he asked (comma) perching on a stool.
‘Oh, nothing. I just saw some bloke lurking by the chip shop. He went staggering off towards the park. (quotation mark missing)
‘Tall, (apostrophe, to replace the missing “a”: ‘bout) bout my age, with grey hair?’ he asked. (Eilminate “he asked”. We know there are only two people talking, and they alternate. )
‘Sounds right, (period) he had on one of those blue smocks that Londoners think we all wear.’ (Aha! I knew we were in England. LOL!)
Ted nodded, ‘Sounds like Peter Metfield, (period) owns the little blue gallery up the top end.’
‘The one that’s closed?’
‘Yeah, bereavement…’
She turned with a stainless steel jug in her hand, (period, the capitalize “Oh?”) ‘oh?’
‘Lost his wife.’ Ted suddenly felt less inclined to share. (POV shift again. You have to remain in one character’s head, either hers or his. She doesn’t know what’s going on in his head. I would show his feelings through his bodily language instead:
‘Lost his wife.’ Ted got quiet, his shoulders drooping.
Something like that… Just an example. I’m sure you can come up with a better description that I did. LOL!)
‘What happened?’ she asked over the roar of the steam jet frothing the milk.
‘Dunno.’
‘Oh go on, I like a bit o’ gossip,’ she urged as (I would remove “she urged as”) she deftly poured the jugs contents into the paper cup.
‘Peter drinks in my local, (period) he was proper upset (comma) I know that much.’
‘That’ll be one twenty(comma) ’ she said as she handed it over. ‘So what’s he doing hanging around the chip shop?’
‘Cheers,’ he paid and answered with a shrug.
(I would put some kind of separator here, to indicate a POV shift. Moving forward, we’ll be in Ted’s head, I suppose.)
Outside (comma) Ted stood to take a first sip and jerked the cup away as the still scalding liquid touched his lips. ‘Shit,’ he muttered, wiping his mouth. He looked at his watch and at the still closed chip shop.
He was due to meet Gary Clayton down by the harbour to look at a new dingy for the Pretty Lady, (period) the old one had given up the ghost last time out. ‘He won’t be bothered if I’m half hour late,’ he reckoned.
With a frown (comma) he crossed the road and headed towards the memorial park.
Two wiry cyclists, Dutch or Germany (German) he guessed, crossed in front of him as he left the park. They both grinned manically at him as they peddled by. ‘Fuck that for a game of soldiers,’ he muttered as he walked the last few yards. (You used “muttered” twice in the last few paragraphs. I would consider rephrasing one of them, or eliminating it as I showed you in previous examples.)
Ted paused with a hand on the wrought iron gate, whose white paint had peeled now beyond the point of picturesque decay, and wondered if he was doing the right thing. He looked at the cottage garden with its profusion of flowers that grew through, over and around each other. ‘Sarah had loved her little garden,’ he knew. ‘She was quite happy to sit there in the garden and paint all day’. A cold breeze touched him and he shivered. ‘Only thing to do in a storm, run away or head into the wind,’ he told himself as he pushed open the gate.
The rusty hinges squealed in protest and set a bunch of starlings up on the wing. Set now on his course (comma) he didn’t hesitate. He grabbed hold of the black iron ring set into the middle of the door and gave two hard knocks.
The birds watched from the roof top of the old vicarage that sat next to the park. He waited, patiently at first but then began to tug absentmindedly at his tee-shirt, trying to straighten out the creases that he hadn’t ironed. Judging that enough time had passed (comma) he grabbed hold of the door knocker again and felt it pull in his hand. He let go giving one last, unnecessary knock, as the yellow door swung open six inches.
From within the darkness (comma) Ted heard a slurred voice. ‘I don’t want to buy anything, bugger off and bother someone else okay?’
‘I don’t want to sell you anything, mate. It’s me, Ted…’
Silence as the hidden figure took this in. ‘Ted?’
‘Yeah,’
Peter’s head craned around the still half closed door. ‘What do you want (comma) Ted?’ he (capitalize “he”) sounded confused.
‘Can I come in, just for a chat?’ Despite his rough exterior (comma) Ted’s voice was gentle.
‘Err… The maid hasn’t been for a while. The place is a bit of a mess…’
‘My maid stopped coming the day Doreen told me she was divorcing me.’ He said (I would rephrase: “He stepped forward.” You can eliminate “he said” that way.) stepping forward.
Pete hung on to the door as Ted pressed forward, pivoting with it.
Inside the darkened hallway the first thing that hit him was the smell, fried food and the funk of a man living on his own with Jack, Jim and the gang.
Keep writing!
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