I'm reviewing this Because I found your's and Andre's Monkeys special 4th of July trinket. I'm not a professional reviewer and these are only my opinions. Take what you find useful. Ignore the rest. All comments are given with love and respect for you and your writing.
My overall impression and emotional impact: What a beautiful way to celebrate the 4th this year with poetry.
Form, format, rhyme and meter: Somewhat rhymed
Grammar, spelling and mechanics: Saw no problems here.
Suggestions for improvement: None with the poem but with the hunt for the trinket.
Did you have to go somewhere besides the Newsfeed to collect the Trinket? It only took me 1 click on an image in the newsfeed to find the trinket. After you found the portal, were you able to get the Trinket? yes pretty easy. What did you think of the item you found at the end of your journey? loved it. Should these guys be locked up without computer privileges? no
And last, Andre says this was too easy! Is he right, should the boys make these harder? Monkeys need to be more sneaky.
My favorite parts: Love it all but my 3 favorite lines are: 1) Our Nation is still quite young, with so very much to learn. 2) Lift up the Torch of Freedom, so that all may see its glow. and 3) A Home we can be proud of, and Our Freedom's lasting flow.
Thank you so much for sharing your writing! It was a pleasure to review and I hope you find my comments helpful. Remember, they are only my opinion. You're the writer and know what's best for you.
Loved this crossword puzzle. Great song list choice. It was a challenge. Question: What famous group was Mr. Blue Eyes a part of? Here is the list:
Across:
1 kick
*Thumbsup* I Get A ____ Out Of You
6 marriage
*Thumbsup* Love And ________
7 stupid
*Thumbsup* Somethin’ ______ (with Nancy Sinatra)
10 night
*Thumbsup* _____ And Day
12 romance
*Thumbsup* My _______
13 coins
*Thumbsup* Three _____ In The Fountain
14 under
*Thumbsup* I’ve Got You _____ My Skin
15 Jealous
*Thumbsup* Hey! _______ Lover
17 strangers
*Thumbsup* _________ In the Night
19 love
*Thumbsup* Your ____ For Me
20 luck
*Thumbsup* ____ Be a Lady
Down:
1 know
*Thumbsup* You’ll Never ____
2 close
*Thumbsup* _____ to You
3 you
*Thumbsup* It Had To Be ___
4 way
*Thumbsup* All The ___
5 best
*Thumbsup* The ____ Is Yet To Come
6 Mine
*Thumbsup* This Love Of ____
8 people
*Thumbsup* ______ Will Say We’re in Love
9 funny
*Thumbsup* My _____ Valentine
11 thing
*Thumbsup* Some_____ (compound word)
13 crush
*Thumbsup* I’ve Got A _____ On You
16 look
*Thumbsup* The Way You ____ Tonight
18 All
*Thumbsup* ___ or Nothing at All
BEAUTIFUL and it took me there. I felt your pain as well as the closeness you two shared. I am sure Mittens understood as animals have a special sense. I am sure you will understand when I say, " Sometimes they seem able to talk." We get to know them so well that their "animal speak" seems to sound almost "Human". Hopefully Mittens will lead you to another that needs you though Mittens will always hold a place...just like Momma Cat with me (my service dog Buddy still gives his air kisses and seems to report to Momma Cat.) Thanks for sharing a special poem.
This review is being submitted by a student of Dynamic Reviewing. Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and alwaysKEEP WRITING!
Explaination Needed: As this is for a writer of NaNoWriMo, I am trying to help the writer without giving away any details.
My Personal Impressions:
I will say one word for this novel. That is unstoppable. The reason is I could not put it down so to speak. So far, I see nothing wrong with it. It is suspenceful and a big mystery. The characters are interesting as is the ever twisting plots. Excellent job! I am going to greatly enjoy when it is all brought together and finished.
This review is being submitted by a student of Dynamic Reviewing. Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your writing.I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and alwaysKEEP WRITING!
My Personal Impressions: When I first heard your plug, I thought how informational will this be? Will I have enough information to help this author with a review? After reading it,I was greatly impressed. I am thrilled to say that I believe you have the makings of a great book. Now to help you as much as I can.
Tone: The tone was suspenseful as well as comical in some areas. Try to save some of the comical as they lighten the mood. Example would be this:‘Be realistic Celderion, even if we give someone the power to unite them it could take years even decades for him to accomplish his goal, we don’t have that long. We should simply destroy them now before they ruin all of our cities and destroy our precious world!’ ‘Enough!’ Terraeon, keeper of the earth shouted as he elegantly strode into the round room. (note: Underlined is the comical.)
Style: The style used was also well done. This was light.
Voice: Was light which is good with younger readers. Good age group to go for is: teen or young adult.
Point of View: Third-person here was an excellent choice as it allowed the reader to get a lot of information.
Plot Development: The main plot is also a very good one. As it allows for you to take this idea and make a series of books. Though if you do that remember each book has to have their own conflict without finishing dealing with the main conflict of the series.
Characterization/Dialogue: This was excellent as you introduced some major characters for both a single book as well as a series of books. You also introduced the hero or you could have the child grow up and prove Aequan right, then the elders will have to deal with two issues instead of one. If you have the child be the hero then I suggest that Aequan be the villian. You have already pitted him against the humans here so what would he do to prove that he was right about them? How would he go to see them destroyed?
Setting/Imagery: You did beautifully on the imagery you did show. Suggestion: describe the sprites more when you write the book or books.
Technical Considerations (Grammar/Punctuation/Format): I saw no errors in this area.
Readability: This was an excellent and easy read. One that I fully enjoyed.
My Suggestions: Besides my suggestions above, I have only one.That is to finish this world you have so masterfully created. I rate this the same as I would if Tolken asked for a review of his plug for The Lord of the Rings series. Let me know when you have written more concerning this small writing. As I eagerly await to read more about this world. Well Done!!!
Hello, mylydoll . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your story called"Shimmy and Roscoe". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!
First Impression: My first impression upon seeing the title was that it was probably about two boys.
Tone: The tone you used was excellent and really helped me visualize both characters. An example of this is when you had her say "Well, c'mon! The wind seems to be picking up tonight!" she said as her anxiety increased."I don't like this, Roscoe. Besides, the air is becoming much more chilly."
I could just see the fear that something was about to happen.
Style: The style was dark and gloomy which turned a casual walk to something that me wondering exactly why she was worried.
Voice: The voice had an air of mystery to it as well as suspense. I found myself wondering why Shimmy had to be the one to walk her dog every night. Why wasn't she use to it after three years of having him?
Don't get me wrong, it is great for a short story . Though if you plan on making this story into a larger one; maybe include the answers to these questions in an earlier or later chapter.
Point of View: This story seems to be coming from Shimmy.
Plot Development: I like what I saw of how the small plot was developing but the story just stops. I found myself wondering did they make it home. Why was Roscoe acting different then he usually did with that much noise? He usually perked up his ears. Why was this time different?
Characterization/Dialogue: This area was done excellent. Though this is a short piece of what I see as a larger story.
Setting/Imagery: I could see myself there.
Readability: An easy read. Though you have a wrong word in this sentence:Shimmy just shook her head. She did not want to be out walking the him in this weather and was sure to let him know how she felt about it.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: Look at readability above. Otherwise I saw no errors.
Suggestions: Other then the suggestions I have made above, there is only one other suggestion I would like to make. That is to continue the story as this is a great start.
Final Thoughts: I hope that my review is helpful and that you continue writing about these two characters. Though when you work from a prompt, it might be wise to include the prompt in highlights. This is so a reviewer can see if you understood the prompt. Again Thank You for allowing me to review such a good piece. Keep Writing! Well Done!
This is a great activity. You have designed it very well. Having a lot of winners in a real plus due to it encourages members to try their luck. It will also encourage reviews as well. Great Job StoryMistress! My only suggestion is to have it more often.
I just got done reading your entry and was mildly surprised. It was a great read. You did a great job. Be proud of yourself. I believe that either way you should continue this story. After the contest is over, of course.LOL. The first thing I would do is to put the Dialogue where it belongs in the story. Then finish the story as you see fit. Whether Belle finds and tells her mother or deals with the death of her grandparents on her own is up to you. Again Great Job! And Keep Writing!
I. OVERALL: I believe "Beltane" is a very interesting beginning to what I hope to be a great book. Well Done.
STRENGTHS: The characters and scenery are very well developed.
WEAKNESSES: The last paragraph sort of side tracked me. I walk towards the fire and let the healing smoke curl around me. My feet pick up pace and I leap over the flames, heat tickling my toes as I fly through the air. When I reach the other side, I am a free man. It was the only part of the story where I went "Huh?"
MY SUGGESTIONS: Continue this story. You did an excellent job and should continue writing this wonderful piece. Well Done! Keep Up The Good Work! This is another story that I am eagerly awaiting to see finished.
STRENGTHS: The characters are well developed and believable.
WEAKNESSES: I didn't really see any weakness except maybe back story. But the note you placed above the beginning of the story explained that.
II. DETAILED ISSUES:
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Both characters are very well developed. The way you showed the transformation was excellent.
SCENE CREATION: Excellent
DIALOGUE FLOW: Well Done. especially between the two main characters after transformation.
PLOT: This was a little harder to find but that was also very well done.
SPELLING: I found no errors in this area.
PUNCTUATION: i could detect no errors here either.
GRAMMAR: Your grammar was beautifully done.
MY SUGGESTIONS: As your note at the top implies, I would finish this story. You could even make it part of a series. I for one will eagerly await the finished book. Well Done! Keep Writing!
I. OVERALL: I thought a great hook for a very interesting story. This is the kind of writing that is usually on the back of a book to grab the reader's attention.
STRENGTHS: You show both the main character and his foe Howard beautifully, as well as the scene.
WEAKNESSES: You don't go into why they are foes or why the powers. For the back of the book that is okay but for a whole short or long story it is not.
II. DETAILED ISSUES:
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: The characters personalities are well developed. Their back-story needs work.
SCENE CREATION:Excellent
DIALOGUE FLOW: Okay, though I didn't see much of Dialogue except between the main character and the reader.
PLOT: This is where the story will need more work.
SPELLING: None that I could find.
PUNCTUATION:This was the only error I saw. I was at the bookstore to get Landon Flanderson’s new epic, The Route from Point A to Point B Commonly Used by Male Sovereigns. should look like this; I was at the bookstore to get Landon Flanderson’s new epic, "The Route from Point A to Point B Commonly Used by Male Sovereigns". Titles in a sentence should be in quotations and italics. Some people also make them bold.
GRAMMAR: None that I could find.
MY SUGGESTIONS: I suggest you continue with this story. Keep Writing.
I. OVERALL: I thought this was a very interesting peace. It does need a little fine tuning.
STRENGTHS: The story Xenia's plot and main character are both very well developed.
WEAKNESSES: The story close to the end seems to loses me as does the first paragraph. Questions to keep in mind: 1) The first paragraph shows a lot about the main character but how does it help with the plot? 2) in the last paragraph; Why was the first directive to destroy? How did that fit with what the main character did with the fries?
II. DETAILED ISSUES:
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Main character is well developed early in the story. Xyrif could be developed more. I as a reader link him to the bum that the main character gave the food to. Problem is I was not able to believe that one act would change him mind. I hadn't been given enough insight into his character to connect with him.
SCENE CREATION: Was good though somewhat jumpy.
DIALOGUE FLOW: Excellent
PLOT: Excellent
SPELLING: I did find one error. Though I believe it to be more of a wrong word choice. As such, it is in the Grammar section.
PUNCTUATION: I saw no errors in this area.
GRAMMAR: This sentence throw me; "Things had disimproved when he'd gotten pulled over rushing to the office. Mainly due to the underlined word. After reading the whole sentence a couple of times, I finally got the meaning you were going for. See if another word might fix better.
MY SUGGESTIONS: I suggest after the above problems are addressed this story could be a great beginning to a very interesting book. I believe Xenia to show great promise. Good Job and Keep Writing.
Hi again Cassie. This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your poem "Sneaky Shadow". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!
First Impression: My first thoughts were great poem. Taking it from the cat's side was very well done. It also shows that you loved her even then.
Suggestions: If you got any more about her, then I would suggest making a book out of them.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I saw no errors in this area.
Final Thoughts: I think this was a great way to remember a much loved cat. You did an excellent job. Since it was written while you were in high school, I thought I would find at least a few errors. I did not find any. Excellent Job! Keep Writing.
Hello again Web Witch . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your short story"No Appointment Necessary". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!
First Impression: My first thought when I read the third case of Detective Lou Ryan was a great addition to an already wonderful series. To see that Officer Smith back, was a nice addition as well. In this case, we find out that Lou could be working in the ritzy part of town. He chooses not to. This added bit of information, gives you another look into his already complex personality. He really cares about people and not just the money.
Suggestions: I suggest that you continue writing this great series.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors in this area.
Final Thoughts: I am looking forward to reading more cases of Lou Ryan. He is a very capable and interesting detective. A lot like Dick Tracy.
Hi web witch . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your story "I Hate Early Morning Visitors.". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!
First Impression: My first thoughts were a great detective novel. The main character Lou was an interesting guy. The cop was an interesting addition as was Gloria.
Suggestions: My suggestion is to continue writing and publishing this great series. Maybe have Lou only really count on this one cop when a bust needs to be made.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found no errors in this area.
Final Thoughts: Detective Lou is a hard, by his own rules P.I.. He has a lot going for him. I will be looking forward to his next case. Keep Writing! Great Job!
Hi Ali . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your "Augie". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!
First Impression: I first thought was that Augie was a very interesting character. When reading about how the puppies were left to die, I was mad to say the least. If this is based on a true story; I hope the ones that did it got caught.
Suggestions: My only suggestion is to continue with this story. Maybe telling what happened after the female puppy was found. Also did Billy ever see anything else. This has the makings of a book or novel. It would help to get the word out about what sometimes happens to these beautiful dogs and hopfully to help put a stop to it.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I saw no errors in this area.
Final Thoughts:I was glad that they found one more puppy that made it. Billy seemed to be linked to Augie. You did a great job in writing this wonderful story. Well Done! I will be looking forward to see what happens next. I can see why it won.
Hello again Prosperous Snow . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your "In the Fairy Mountains". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!
First Impression: My first thoughts were that it was an interesting look into an even bigger story. The character Amy is interesting. But it left me with questions.
1) Who is Prince Altar?
2)Why is he chasing Amy? This one somewhat got answer when you find out she is a Princess.
3)How does Lord Battlewolf fit into the Plot?
Suggestions: My suggestions are the following:
1) Finish this story.
2) In the story answer the above questions.
3) Make the edits I have suggested below.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
1)There was no question in the minds of either the mount or its rider that danger stalked them. it's
2)Turning her gaze to the road ahead, she saw rabbits, foxes, mice, and pixie cats skitter out of Crystal’s path and flee into the brush along the side of the road. fled
3)They stood in front of the mot surrounding the granite and sandstone walls of a rainbow-towered city. maybe explaining this word would help the reader. Final Thoughts: This could be a great novel. It just needs a little work. Keep working on this and soon you will have an excellent novel. Well Done! I look forward to reading the finished piece.
Hi . This review is from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your "The Ninth Daughter". I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always KEEP WRITING!
First Impression: My first thoughts were great beginning to a story. The ninth daughter is an interesting character that should have a name.
Suggestions: My suggestions besides the ones below are to continue with this girl's story. Some questions that you could answer with the story is:
1) How did they get their power?
2) Do the older sisters have a gift also? If not, What do they do? Also How do they feel about her gift? How does the brother?
3) Give her a reason for her gift. (Plot and a Villain)
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
1)witchland Witchland It is the name of a place. Capitalize the first letter.
2)I accepted to omen as being truethe
3)I use my power to create need item. This part I did not understand. Clarify it.
Final Thoughts: Hope my above suggestions help. Please continue with this story. I for one will be eagerly awaiting the finished piece. Great Job!
C.J. I just got done reading chapter two of "Vampire Vacation". Again beautifully done. Only one error in paragraph 5 from the bottom; if this is Rafe's thoughts then put in italics. Other than that I found this chapter to be very beautifully written. Two Thumbs Up!
Hello C.J.. I am now starting to read the first book to the series. I have just finished chapter one of "Vampire Vacation". This chapter just from the point of view of Vivian and Rafe. It was still wonderfully done. I can finally say that I did see a spelling error. In paragraph seventeen. The word "metalic" should be spelled "metallic". Probably a simple type-o. Even though by the rules of reviewing I have to give you a four-point-five; I still believe that it is a five star piece. Well Done!
Hello J.A.Buxton. I am a Crusader. I just done reading your excerpt of Home of the Red Fox. I extremely enjoyed the piece. Since this story is already published, I don't know how you will receive my suggestions. The only things I found that needed changing at least in the excerpt is the following:
I have no idea of why this mansion has a recruiter. Or what Walker is all about. Also the children; how are they and Walker related?
Other than that Well Written and I will enjoy reading more of this great book. Keep Writing.
Hi again. This is your third review for you Package. You have made my job but easy and very hard. The easy part the reviews. Again Well Done. I could again find no fault with it. The Hard part is deciding which one to give the award to. All three were excellent. I really look forward to seeing more of your work. And it isn't really that hard for I think I know which one already. I hope I made you laugh.
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My overall impression and emotional impact: What a beautiful way to celebrate the 4th this year with poetry.
Form, format, rhyme and meter: Somewhat rhymed
Grammar, spelling and mechanics: Saw no problems here.
Suggestions for improvement: None with the poem but with the hunt for the trinket. 
My favorite parts: Love it all but my 3 favorite lines are: 1) Our Nation is still quite young, with so very much to learn. 2) Lift up the Torch of Freedom, so that all may see its glow. and 3) A Home we can be proud of, and Our Freedom's lasting flow.
You got this! You can do it! I believe in you! 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
