Wow.....if that were the inside cover of a book, I'd want to read it. Fantastic job!
The only things that are keeping you from a 5 are "I think you may have seriously hurt my hands." and "They are very severe, and possibly permanent." These sentences just need to be reworked. At the moment they are too choppy, obvious, and cheapen the reader's experience.
Aside from that.....KUDOS :)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/duffman867
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:20am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.