You did a great job with conversation. Your dialogue was very to-the-point. It was also very educational in that it provided translation to an unfamiliar language, which creates interest in itself. It wasn't overdone. It brought an excellent authenticity to the story.
I also like how you stayed away from the abused pots'o'gold and follow-the-rainbow storylines. Although the shillelagh isn't an uncommon item in Irish lore, it proved a nice focal alternative to the more common associations and storylines about peasants stealing poor Mr. Leprechan's gold.
You've laid out a very clean structure here. At first, I was compelled to suggest more description but, after re-reading several times, I couldn't suggest more description anywhere without taking away from the idea of your sentence or paragraph. You exercised excellent control here.
You're a clean writer and a straight shooter, talents desirable in short story writers. Keep the ink flowing!
Extremely interesting and thoughtful plot with an excellent twist at the end. Your discriptions are good, but they tend to read like vocabulary you just pulled out of a medieval reference book. Might want to add something of your own description, something personalized by his family... a crest, perhaps.
I noted the story started with an immense fortress and then turned into an old stone keep in the second paragraph. I can visualize a 'resplendent knight' exiting an immense fortress, but the shiny armor clashes with the 'old stone keep' description.
I found your focus on the knight purposeful, similar to the strategy used in making the movie 'Deer Hunter,' in that you've created a bond with the main character and took the attention away from the upcoming twist. Good job.
This article contains an excellent description and provides a well-written and instructional tutorial on how to effectively use and understand the rating system. It definitely helps me to better comprehend the value of the rating system and to apply its use in analysing feedback on my submitted articles.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dstrehle
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 8:46am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
