Nice Nice. You wre doing two different things in here which makes it so different from alot of what I've seen on people's ports. Describing the dance with an almost sinnish description of what your partner is doing makes it so alluring would be the best word I know. Congrats. This is a nice one.
This is truly heartfelt. Some of it sounds like melodrama too much.. all children.. including me have gone through stages of when you hate your parents beyond belief.. and realize.. only some of them have the rights to hate their parents.
have faith.. your parents should be doing what is right for you.. and love you dearly.. no matter what you may think. This can be done for alot of the first to stanzas... I I I is kinda repatitive.
Emotion.. at the beginning.. it is weak.. almost non existant.. then it starts to build at the end.. preferrably.. there should be emotion throughout it all.
Grammatically and Spelling.. is great. There is the use of 'I' too much.. I from what I was told in school is a rather powerful word.. There are ways of editting possibly half those out freeing up some power to go to the necessary ones. For example
'I loved to be loved'.. could be 'loving to be loved'.
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