Great story! The images you present are well-defined and, in many instances, keen. One that really resonated with me is the screen door. My grandmother's house had one just like it. A long spring closed it with enough force to make one jump. The sound it made when it slapped shut had sort of a ringing undertone that may have been caused by the spring. It was a complex sound which, when I close my eyes and listen, I can still hear.
Again, this story is a fine piece of work. Write on!
I enjoyed this poem. As a former Marine, it touched me in a way that lifelong civilians cannot know. Don't get me wrong; I have nothing against civilians. I am a veteran of the Vietnam Era, but never served in combat. Most of the men I served with had been to Vietnam, however, and it was the memory of those brave warriors that this poem recalled to me. Thanks for writing it!
On the technical side, I noticed a spelling error, and a couple of places where the meter seemed lost. On the whole I liked it, and that is what counts!
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