I give you a 5 because I see absolutely nothing wrong with this poem. I would not be at all surprised to see it in a book of childrens poetry. Great work, thanks for putting a smile on my face!
~Droplets
This poem has a nice idea, but I think you need to check what a Haiku is. This kind of poem is defined as having a syllable pattern of 5-7-5, but instead your poem has 4-3-6. Try rewriting it and paying more attention to the syllable count. Good luck!
~Droplets
I realy like this poem because the idea that you used is one I've used many times before. The vocab you used is more sophisticated than a few other poems that I've read, which I liked. I'm not even sure if I know what oscillate means!
The line "There is splendor in the moment of fruition of the ideas" sounds awkward to me, but I may be imagining it. I understand what it means, but I don't like the repeated of's and too many words. If you could prune that sentence a bit, I know this poem would definately sound better to me. Just a suggestion!
~Droplets
Lol, I love this poem! The rhythm is fast-paced and edgy (I love that) and the wrods you speak are clear and perfectly placed. My favourite lines are:
"Who needs inspiration?
all insight is a ruse
Better to be helpless
than abandoned by my Muse."
Though I'm not sure what line from those is my all-time favourite. I just love the message behind this! Thanks sooo much for the amazing read!
~Droplets
Aw...How hard this must be for you! I send my condolenses to you and your family. Such a wonderful poem, though, means that she did not die in vain. Sometimes, the most horrific tragedies are the ones that help us the most. Be strong, and keep writing lovely things like this! Thank you
~Droplets
I feel so guilty! I've wanted for so long to do something for them, but I don't know how, as I'm soo young. This poem touched mye though, and I wish my computer would let me hear the audio, as I'm sure it would only have made a bigger impact. I wish more people would write about this, to help raise awareness. Thank you bery much for the moving read!
~Droplets
Aww, that melted my heart... The style is nice, and it sets up a wonderful rhythm for the poem as a whole. I like the length as well, though I at first thought it was a little short, I realized after reading it that it was fine. A very nice start! Thanks
~Droplets
Where your poem mey lack, it more than makes up for in the education department. I had no idea how those spices were made, used, etc...I found it especially interesting to find out how cinnamon is made. That you made it rhyme as well is quite an achievement. I find it hard to have certain things I have to say (like facts about spices) and still rhyme. Good job!
~Droplets
Aww...That's sweet. I don't know the back story, who Sue is, etc, but it sound very heartfelt. Something I thought, though, was that you used the words 'heaven' and 'heavenly' a few times. If possible, and if you are willing to edit this poem (I know there are poems of mine like this that I wouldn't be willing to change for sentimental reasons) you may want to switch those words for different ones, though I don't really know what you would change them with. Thank you for the wonderful review and generous donation!
~Droplets
I think the idea that you have is a really good idea, but I think the message got a little lost in translation for me. Maybe try a different spacing or wording in some instances, so that there's more of a rhythm to the words. Like I said, though, the idea is wonderful. Keep on writing and improving! Thanks
~Droplets
Wow...Just, wow. I loved it (hence the 5 rating). This is the first 5 that I've given, and probably the only one I'll give for a while, so be proud. Your story flowed perfectly, with just the right amount of description for everything. I wouldn't've been surprised if I was reading from a published author. Are you a published author? Anyway, thanks for the great read, and keep up the good work! By the way, I was just wondering, did you originally write it in 1000 words, or did you have a hard time of lengthening/shortening it? Thanks again,
~Droplets
Though I can tell that the message and emotion that went into this poem was great, I feel that the actual poem could portray it so much better. Try making it a bit longer, or even just adding more emphasis or spirit into the words you have. Other than that, I completely agree with you, we need to have Faith and Hope. Thanks,
~Droplets
I remember a few months ago I saw a documentary of the events that took place on that fateful day aboard flight 93, and it brought me to tears. Now, as I sit at my computer and read this poem, I am moved almost as deeply. I don't even live in America, and I still feel for their families. The only reason why I didn't rate this a 5.0 is that a few of the lines didn't flow properly (to my anyway) though I'm not sure how you could change that. Thank you for reminding me of such a brave group.
~Droplets
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