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Review of That October  Open in new Window.
Review by Dris Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is an excellent piece. I always love prose which addresses someone as if speaking to them directly. I can also relate to your experience, having lost my father to suicide. Your words really do a good job of bringing out the emotion of the tribulation; excellent word choice, mood, and flow.

To be honest, the only place that this work falls short are a few grammar items. "Grandpa", when used as a name, should be capitalized. I think I might have spotted a few missing commas as well. Just nit-picks, but I felt you would want me to point these out.

This part:
My grief had to go scavenging for comfort – begging in dark automobiles “please, just make me feel something again…anything…” I was afraid I’d gone dead inside.

Might flow a little better written as follows:
My grief had to go scavenging for comfort, begging in dark automobiles. “Please, just make me feel something again…anything…” I was afraid I’d gone dead inside.

The period after "automobiles" could just as easily be a colon, semicolon, or even an em dash.

This is really a good piece which I think needs only a few more passes, as it were, to reach completion. I sympathize for your loss, and encourage you to continue using writing as an outlet, as you are quite good at it.
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