I must say, I am not normally one for poetry but this is possibly the best poem I have ever read thank you for posting this. I absolutely love how you use feathers as a metafor for your friend.
great revision good content although a little morbid for my taste one thing to remember when posting on here if you revise don't say its a revision and don't keep the old version on.
one thing i did see in the revision is what I changed here, "A figure began to take shape as he steps out of his hiding place."
you dont have to change it word for word but the first change would make more sence.
thankyou for posting this and please take the time to read one of my stories.
I dont quite get the point its not very clear is it a poem or short story? also there are a few gramatical errors. I dont really get the intrusion of music. this looks promissing though I'm interested to see what you do with it in the future.
Thankyou for posting this.
Please return the favor by reading something from my portfolio.
you lost my attention after a few paragraphs but from what I saw here r a few sugestion. For one thing what is the beurow? it means nothing to me. also when the guy was attacked you put reaction in front of feeling pain which is not a good idea because its out of natural order so i would suggest pain first reaction second. and lastly in a particular sentance in the attack scene you left out the word him.
(Disclaimer: I am not a professional this is simply my opinion on your work.)
well for one thing it has a great story is this from past experience? along with pros there are cons one is it doesn't flow well it needs a better flow basically reword a few things. Also don't explane out right why it has the name that it does make it understood. Other than that I like it your use of storms was great let me know when you have finnished your edit.
ok the word is great not get big ruckus. also it dosent exactly draw me in I couldnt get into it but its still kinda funny but I would call the villain mud. :)
I think it was well constructed and once I realized what you said I found it exceedingly cute. Because of this I can't find a thing wrong with it. Awsome story.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 12:07am on Nov 11, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
