I really enjoyed this piece. I've been a member here almost 6 years now, and I fully understand how it feels to do that first review, to receive that first review, and the fear that something I wrote wouldn't be good enough. You really did a wonderful job of putting your thoughts and feelings into words. Have a great night, and good luck!
Always,
Aryana
Very nicely done. Short and to the point, but in an abstract sort of way; like fleeting thoughts about the aftermath of a fun dream. No technical errors or suggestions for improvement here. Wonderful job! Have a great night!
Always,
Aryana
Lovely poem! I spent many years around horses growing up, and I can fully relate to that thrill. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I could see no technical errors, and really have no suggestions for improvement. Have a wonderful night!
Always,
Aryana
Nicely done. I really could find nothing that needed to be changed, no improvements as far as I'm concerned. You did a good job on this one. Good luck to you and have a wonderful evening!
Always,
Aryana
This was nicely written, and an unfortunate truth lies within this. You touched on a raw spot with this poem; the emotional trauma that a lot of school children (and even some adults) experience in their life. It is sad, and you've done a good job of capturing the feelings of those dealing with the experience. I could find no technical errors, although I did have a little trouble catching a good rhythm with this one. Overall though, a wonderful piece. Have a great night!
This is very sweet. Nicely written and easily read outloud. Again, I could find nothing really wrong here, and it put a smile on my face. So it was good! Keep writing!
Always,
Aryana
Wow! Very mysterious and almost ethereal. I've had dreams similar to this so I was able to easily visualize what was happening as I read. You gave enough detail to form clear mental pictures; yet you left enough out to leave the reader always wondering. I didn't notice any grammar/spelling errors. You did a fantastic job!
Always,
Aryana
I think this was a good poem. You could expand it a little more, but the basic idea is a good one.
Just a few suggestions though: people just ordinary people people - just ordinary people;
I think if you add the hyphen and the semi-colon it will add sufficient pause to that line.
And on that long stretch of sidewalk
as we walk along
I think, personally, that you can safely remove this and still have a good poem. To me, it just doesn't seem to fit.
Then add we try to fit our footprints into those of others to the end of the first verse or the beginning of the second.
Have a great day!
Always,
Aryana
This was a rather enjoyable little poem. The color changes were a bit distracting though. You might want to change your font to all one color. I didn't find any technical/grammer problems. Your rhymes flowed easily for the first few lines. But the 5th line that starts "My family has..." seems to be just a bit too long. Too many syllables seems to throw off the whole flow. Overall it was a good poem. Keep on writing!
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