Your character sheet is extremely vague. I’m sure this was at least mostly intentional, to add some mystery, but keep in mind that this tournament revolves around others being able to write your character, too. With his past, if even he doesn’t know it, that’s one thing (though it can still result in people writing “incorrectly” about him), but you don’t really make it clear how much of his history he knows (though in the story, you mention that he knows it very well). Mystery can be a tricky thing to work with in this sort of tournament. You also mention an extra sense, but in your character sheet, provide no hint at all what that might be.
After reading through the story, I’m assuming his “extra sense” is related to his fortune-telling. It’s a bit hard to understand how fortune-telling could replace vision, but as much as it seems to be a need for him, it probably wouldn’t be too big a stretch to assume that he just has that good of a feel for things, especially if his abilities came before the loss of his sight, so that he learned to link certain things together. Even so, wonderful as your description is, it might do well to try to play down the sights (red eyes, gap teeth, etc) and focus more on other sensory input. For example, maybe rather than going to a table “half hidden in darkness” he might go to a table where people sound a little more distant, and where the air is being pushed around less. Focusing on other sense can be tricky, as people tend to be very visual, but it might richen up your story.
I also noticed you did provide some hints about his past. I’m tempted to complain still about it not being in the character overview, but honestly, your hint is solid enough for me, and wouldn’t have fit too well in the overview.
I am, however, going to point out how weird it is that he uses cards when he’s blind. Again, I won’t push too hard since I can presently assume he simply has a sense for which is which, but you should find a way to clarify that. (Also, the cards need to be replaced every few months? I knew a card reader a few years ago, and I believe she had her deck for years. Granted, they were pretty bent up and kinda dirty by then.)
Overall, you’ve caught my attention, and I am wondering what sort of part your character is going to play in the story to come. |