Doug Rainbow's (dougrainbow) Reviews

Doug Rainbow

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855 Public Reviews Given

959 Total Reviews Given

1

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#4023725

Review of Night Of Romance

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (2.5)

This is a touching little vignette about a romantic wedding anniversary. While the piece "works" to establish the love and devotion of Joe, the husband, it really does nothing more than that. I have a few comments that may make this story more readable and, possibly, more interesting.

The story employs the omniscient third-party narrator point of view. The narrator knows thins, including thoughts and feelings of the characters, that only an all-knowing being could know. For good reason an omniscient narrator normally keeps his own feelings out of the story. Here, as early as the first paragraph, the narrator states that he is not angry about the attention to New Orleans. The idea that the omniscient narrator might be ngry is a novel concept, but it is jolting and, I think, an unfortunate distraction.

The story could use a good, close, copy edit. There are some typos or thinkos -- anyway some glitches -- which ought to be corrected. Here is an example: "He told Franklin he had to pick his wife up from the airport, which not necessarily a in Joe’s eye because he did have to." That should either be fixed or, perhaps better, deleted altogether. Unfortunately, there are several other examples of this kind of error.

More fundamentally, the story lacks conflict or any other dramatic tension. there are some "big build ups for the big let down." It starts with an explanation of the wife's frequent lengthy absences to romantic locations. This might be a recipe for marital indiscretion, suspicion, or conflict. The seed is planted, but it fails to grow. The grumpy boss, Mr. Franklin, could provide a good source of conflict, perhaps with unwillingness to let Joe go home when planned for his celebration. The grumpiness never develop[s into a story element, but is set up and then just disappears from the story. Some tension begins to emerge about whether Joe will have time to meet his wife as scheduled. That doesn't go anywhere, either. He simply gets there on time. Some imaginative ttime-saving device, a police escort,, anything but the fact that he had enough time, after all, would help the story.

The descriptive elements in this story are quite good. This could be a pretty good story with a little more attention to detail, some "craftsmanship" about plotting, and some tension and resolution.

2

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#4004467

Review of Memory Memorial

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"Memory Memorial" by Write to Express touches and chills the reader. The allusions to death and burial evoke primal fears of life's end. As I view this poem the author has lost a loved one to death. The loved one is gone, but the memories live on and will live on until the poet meets his own death. The memorial, then, is not to the end of the poet's life, but to the end of his memories of the deceased loved one. As I say, both touching and chilling.

3

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#3917677

Review of The Hunger and the Cold

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

"The Hunger and the Cold," by Robert G Moons, has a lot going for it. Mostly, it is an entertaining and compelling read. Its setting, winter Ontario, is refreshingly novel. It has brisk-paced action and the story is supplemented by crisp dialog. This story is well-plotted with an unforeseen -- and probably unforeseeable -- ending. I think I can say, without giving anything away, that the only hint of what was to come was the narrator's revelation tht he bought the cabin for when e needed to get away. I wondered then why he needed to get away -- fishing? hunting -- just some nature and solitude? I guess we found out.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

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#3912687

Review of Life

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (5.0)

"Life," by Mumsypie Prepping, is a profound little snatch of prose. It juxtaposes the breaking of a new day with the birth of an infant. "Life" captures the essence of Haiku. I am going to try to do a Haiku in honor of this piece.

The new day's hopes dawn
Optimistic sights and sounds
The birth of a child.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

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#3901276

Review of Aces over eights

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Stricuckoo creatively and entertainingly memorializes Wild bill Hickok's death in "Aces Over Eights," a western historical fiction poem. He captures the ambience and tension of poker in spare, hard-hitting poetry. According to legend, Wild Bill held a hand of aces over eights when someone shot him in the back at a poker game in Deadwood, South Dakota. This event popularized the term "dead man's hand" for that hand. The only thing Stricuckoo's poem lacks is use of this colorful term in the poem or, perhaps, the title

6

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#3884892

Review of Hot Coffee Memories

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Prosperous Snow share "Hot Coffee Memories," a nice example of how an author can use an inanimate object to prompt and amplify a living person. The inanimate object could have been tea, hot chocolate, or Kool Aid. The object is not important, except as a prism to focus attention on the real subject. In this case, the real subject is the author's mother. Prosperous Snow comes to identify hot coffee so much with her deceased mother that she can't bear to drink her coffee hot anymore, but substitutes iced coffee instead.

This is a warm and loving tribute to the author's mother and, as a bonus, offers some nice insight into the author's own life.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

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#3880500

Review of A New World

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Graham's "A New World" artfully looks at the beginning of a journey to a new land. The poem is a Sonnet and diligently follows the rules, with a few minor and, I believe, intentional deviations that add to the poem's fabric. The iambic pentameter is, for the most part, consistent and steady with the aforesaid deviations breaking up the metronome repetition. The rhymes, too, are often a little unconventional.

I detect in this poem several references to migrating ducks -- the bed of down, the wetness, the canvass wings, and the distant shores. The migrating duck is an apt metaphor for a journey to a new land and Graham brings it home gently but persuasively.

This presents as a physical poem, with little emotional content. Okay, the seventh line vaguely regrets things left behind, but that is about it for emotions. Migration to a new world is full of hopes, fears, regrets, and aspirations. The poem might be a little better rounded out with more emotional content.

8

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#3880501

Review of A New World

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Graham's "A New World" artfully looks at the beginning of a journey to a new land. The poem is a Sonnet and diligently follows the rules, with a few minor and, I believe, intentional deviations that add to the poem's fabric. The iambic pentameter is, for the most part, consistent and steady with the aforesaid deviations breaking up the metronome repetition. The rhymes, too, are often a little unconventional.

I detect in this poem several references to migrating ducks -- the bed of down, the wetness, the canvass wings, and the distant shores. The migrating duck is an apt metaphor for a journey to a new land and Graham brings it home gently but persuasively.

This presents as a physical poem, with little emotional content. Okay, the seventh line vaguely regrets things left behind, but that is about it for emotions. Migration to a new world is full of hopes, fears, regrets, and aspirations. The poem might be a little better rounded out with more emotional content.

9

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#3880499

Review of A New World

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Graham's "A New World" artfully looks at the beginning of a journey to a new land. The poem is a Sonnet and diligently follows the rules, with a few minor and, I believe, intentional deviations that add to the poem's fabric. The iambic pentameter is, for the most part, consistent and steady with the aforesaid deviations breaking up the metronome repetition. The rhymes, too, are often a little unconventional.

I detect in this poem several references to migrating ducks -- the bed of down, the wetness, the canvass wings, and the distant shores. The migrating duck is an apt metaphor for a journey to a new land and Graham brings it home gently but persuasively.

This presents as a physical poem, with little emotional content. Okay, the seventh line vaguely regrets things left behind, but that is about it for emotions. Migration to a new world is full of hopes, fears, regrets, and aspirations. The poem might be a little better rounded out with more emotional content.

10

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#3871541

Review of The Hair Stylist

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Rendr's "The Hair Stylist" presents a difficult reviewer's challenge. Rendr's syntax and usage make it obvious that English is not his first language. This is not an insult, but native born American's don't talk like that. The first thin I noticed was in the second paragraph when there was an abrupt shift in tense. Rendr had been writing in the past tense and then shifted to describing the barber in the present tense. Similar unfamiliar usages (not just tense) appeared throughout the story.

I found the story rather appealing. For some reason it struck me as funny, though I don't know what, really, is funny about a barber who refuses to follow instructions. The ending needs a little work. I would like to see some kind of twist or reconciliation at the end. Perhaps the customer's wife liked the odd military cut. Another solution might be that the narrator, himself, has some kind of a personal service job. Perhaps he is a house painter. He goes to work the next day and the customer is the barber, who asks that the house e painted white. The narrator just smiles.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

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#3870574

Review of Behind the Lone Tree

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Ekphrasik poetry -- a new concept for me. I see it. I feel it. I lost touch with my Native American side a long time ago. I think it might be coming back. Thank you, Turtlemoon. You are like the tree that leaned over the pond and dropped a pine cone on the moon.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

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#3865533

Review of An Ordinary Day in June

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

"An Ordinary Day in June with Spare Ribs," by Max Griffin, captures and engages the reader from its opening until its conclusion.

The oppressive heat and dust seem almost like two more characters as they seem to influence every act and worldview of the people. Unspoken messages rule: the foreman wanting the narrator to work overtime, the minister stopping by, and the leading efforts of her family to draw out the narrator about her relationship with Liam Sanders. The story, then, emerges not by direct narration, but by hints and innuendo. This is effective and, as I said, engaging.

This piece is dialog driven and the dialog is rich and colorful.

If I taught creative writing this would be assigned reading.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

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#3865142

Review of Smile :)(:

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Here I will depart from my normal review format, which is a general readership-focused style. I choose, instead, to make a suggestion.

This poem consists of five stanzas, each beginning with a line stating a challenge to smile for someone or something. The second and third lines recognize an obstacle to meeting that challenge. The fourth line of each stanza repeats its first line.

My suggestion: Change those third lines. Instead of building on the idea of why it will be hard to smile, state a reason for smiling. For example, the first stanza asks the reader to "smile even though you're shattered." The second line, building the challenge, adds the suggestion to smile "even though it hurts." The third line goes on in the same vein, "Even though it takes so much effort." Try changing that third line to give some positive reason for smiling when you are shattered. Something like, "Often a smile mends those broken pieces."

In the second stanza the third line -- what I will call the hope line -- you might write something like, "Just watch those friends come back when they see you smile."

In the third stanza your subject and verb disagree. You need either to change "They" to "she" or to change "seems" to seem." The subject, "they" does not agree with your verb "seems" as you now have it. You repeat this error in the third line. Why not change the third line, the hope line, so something like, "Encourage her with your smile."

In the fourth stanza the hope line might be, A smile just might make you feel better."

In the fifth stanza you might try, "Frowns are for pessimists, but smiles are for optimists."

Those are my thoughts on how you might cheer up a somewhat gloomy poem and breathe into it a little life.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

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#3864957

Review of The Day Of Paradise

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (3.5)

In reviewing religious or spiritual material the honest reviewer must usually deal with the issue of commenting on an author's spiritual belief the reviewer does not share. It is difficult to be honest and inoffensive at the same time.

"The Day of Paradise," by L. Peterson, seems to be the work of a Jehovah's Witness believer. This conclusion grows out of the author's comment that he does not celebrate holidays and also of his non-traditional conception of life after death.

Peterson paints an optimistic picture of Paradise in about five stanzas. "About" because the first few lines may or may not be counted as a stanza. After each thought (stanza) Peterson writes a reference to the effect that we will "have to wait and see." Yet Peterson appears to write quite assuredly of his vision of the hereafter -- except for his "wait to see" clauses.

My own theory about the reason for the "wait to see" qualifiers is this: The Jehovah Witness faith is a minority religion and its members, who spread their faith going door to door, take a lot of criticism (even abuse) for their unorthodoxy. The "wait and see" causes might in this poem for one of two reasons: 1) The author wants to temper the criticism by, in effect, saying "No one really knows for sure, so take it easy on the Witnesses for holding with their view. Or 2) The author has some serious doubt about the validity of his minority view and allows that he is willing to suspend judgment until the Big Day when we won't have to wait any more.

Peterson's perspective on Life After is not very fully developed and, if he hopes to persuade others, his message would be more powerful without the "wait and see" proviso.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

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#3857371

Review of Less Than Human, Part 1

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

"Less than Human," by Vacant Vagrant, a longish piece with a nice concept, needs to b edited (as the author well knows).

The most glaring area for improvement is to reduce drastically the use of the verb "to be" in all of its forms. Linked closely with that change, the author/editor should get rid of most or all of the gerunds. A gerund is a vverb with an "ing" ending and as such may be either a noun or still a verb. Here is one of many examples: Vacant Vagrant writes, "Reid was crying. Tears plodded down his round cheeks." This would be better as,, "Reid cried. Tears plodded down his round cheeks." Or, better yet, just "Tears poured down Reid's round cheeks." You really don't need to tell the reader he cried when you describe the tear flow.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

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#3857365

Review of Along The Way

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (3.5)

"Along the Way," by ForNever Yours, introspectively reviews the life stations of the poet. ForNever Yours makes a nice case for making good choices without wallowing in complaints about her own decisions. There is some good thought-provoking content here and the poet articulates her positions well.

There is no rhyme and no meter, which is fine. The structure is inconsistent, with seven stanzas that vary from seven to ten lines per stanza. The syllables and lengths of the lines also randomly vary. The result of all of this is a piece that reads like prose. The last stanza purports to summarize the first six stanzas, but stumbles on the fourth stanza.

A poem like this cries out for illustrations, metaphors, imagery, and poetic language usage such as alliteration. This poem has none of that.

My summary of this work is that the content merits attention, but as a piece of art it falls short

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

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#3844281

Review of Hajimete no Koi ga Owaru Toki

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

"Hajimete No Koi Ga Orawu Toki," by Elise-Saiki-Vanessa-Scarlet,, tells a short, plain tale of lost love. Love's demise came quickly, shockingly, and without goodbyes. Yes, the lover is irretrievably gone, but whether the love really died remains open to question.

By the time we readers get the story the action is finished. We are left with the essence of memories of this ill-fated love. The only action memorialized here is brief, dramatic, and final.

The author uses much descriptive and metaphorical language. Her description of autumn relates both to her now-hollow laaughter and to the death of a relationship. This is a short story, but it is more poetic than most of the poetry you find at WDC.

I am sure this sad little story, told beautifully and compellingly, was an unburdening experience for its author and for readers who may have tragically lost a lover.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

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#3842458

Review of Left or Right

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

"Left or Right," by J(6),addresses the frustrations of the life lived without passion. It suggests that which most of us want to believe: behind the lusterless exteriors most of us present lies another self, a self hidden from the world that is filled with action and adventure. This brings to mind the secret life of Walter Mitty, the Man in the Gray Flannel Suit, and Mr. Peepers.

J's skill lies in cummunicating the narrator's sense of "quiet desparation" while relating everything in the clinical manner of an accountant's annual report.

In the end there is a riddle. Will the accountant break out? Will he embark on an adventure? Or will the deep channels -- ruts, really -- of his life prevail to keep him locked in mediocrity? Perhaps the answer is the jog to action provided by the beep of a horn. It wasn't the horn of a gray Chevvy station wagon that honked, was it? No. It was a red Corvette.

This story has art as well as craft. It is worth reading.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

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#3824980

Review of Anna

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hope present "Anna," a carefully crafted story of escape. As in most escape sories, the central conflict revolves around whether the ceentral character will make good his/her escape. Here Hope carelly and artistically builds tension until the final resolution. The subject of the tale, a school massacre, is all too current.

If I had to sugggest an improvement, it would be that Hope give us some explanation, or clue to an explanation, for Anna's connection with the school boy. Anna shows great concern for the emotional and physical well-being of the young boy, but we never find why. Is Anna the mother? A teacher? The riddle of her motivation to protect him is never revealed. Of, if it was revealed, it escaped me.

This is one of those stories I got so involved in that I forgot I was reviewing it and just read it for its captiating interest.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

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#3822552

Review of Where Do We Go?

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

This is an artisticaslly pleasing lyric. It makes nice contrasts between urban living and settings more rustic and natural. Without really being too harsh on city life, the author's preference for nature comes through loudly and clearly.

This poem paints vivid descriptions of city streets, the forest, the mountains, and (probably) New Orleans.

The meter and rhyme drive the poem well and I am sure it would sound very good set to the right melody.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

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#3821538

Review of The Clean Up

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

"The Junk Drawer," by Gayle, carefully shows the impact an extra-marital affair exerts on the family. Told from the point of view of a sixteen-year-old daughter this story traces the anger, disappointment and insecurity generated by the father's misconduct.

If you are confused about the injunction, "show, don't tell," then this story might clear it up for you. Pre-affair, the central character had a special and warm relationship with her father. The sory doesn't just tell the reader that has been damaged. Instead she shows us -- she illustrates the point -- by a scene in the kitchen in the morning. The father and daughter are there. They don't speak. The daughter feels she cannot eat her father's home made bread.

Improvements? The length of the paragraphs, particularly the very first one, contributes to somewhat lugubrious style. The "junk drawer" metaphor seems a little inapt. Is it persuasive to compare something as inconsequential as a junk drawer to something as earth-shaking as an extra-marital affair? But when all is said and done, this is a compelling and powerful tale and Gayle is to be congratulated.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

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#3820164

Review of Just a Little to the Left

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Noyoki treats us to a snippet out of the Twilight Zone with his mind-bending "Just a Little to the Left."

This tale proves that less can be more. Characters, setting, dialog, action -- all are treated with spare economy. The premise is the essence and Noyoki shapes everything to the shrine of that premise.It works, as we suspend belief and, at least for the moment, accept that the phenomenon of this story could really happen. But then, after givin in to the impossible, Noyoki asks us to do it all over again at the end of the story.

One hundred twenty years after electricity we still don't understand it very well. For most of us it is still a magic-like force. Oh, we have gotten used to it, and even to a certain extent take it for granted (until, e.g., the lights go out at the superbowl). But really understand electricity? I don't think many of us do. Perhaps that is why it makes such a delicious subject for an imagination stretcher like this story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

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#3820045

Review of Room 318

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

As the author of "Room 218" this title hooked me. I am glad it did.

This is a well done piece about the beginning, middle, end, and aftermath of a disappointing "love" experience. This is no preachy poem, but it does have sort of a cautionary moral about the adviseability of knowing the person you decide to sleep with.

The poem manages to be clinical and endearing at the same time. Nothing like my "Room 218."

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

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#3818648

Review of He's Back

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Diane -- Go Ravens posts "He's Back," a compact horror story that includes an implied commentary on the horrors of war. It also is exhibit "A" for the old saw about being careful what you pray for, because you might get it.

This piece is flash fiction and there is little opportunity for character development or setting descripttion. The story arc is more of a spike than an arc. Within those limitations, this is about as good as it gets.

25

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#3818140

Review of Madness.

Review by Doug Rainbow

Rated: E

| (4.0)

"Madness," by Noir Morello, calls to mind some of the work of Edgar A, Poe. The spokesperson here is not trapped in a coffin, but suffers a similar claustrophobic self-absormed kind of mental torture. He can still "fake it" by "going through the motions" of sanity. The torture of his solitude and the pain of his own compelling thoughts still persist, just on the other side of day.

This dark tale presents without traditional story elements. There is no setting, except as conjured up in the narrator's mind. There is only one character, the narrator. The only conflict is the narrator's internal conflict, and that never moves toward resolution. You would not be able to graph a plot line with achronology of events and rising and/or falling tension. There is no back story and no suggestion of how the narrator got to where he is now.

The absence of any description -- even self-description -- of the narrator creates an emotional distance. I had trouble identifying with the narrator sufficiently to for any empathy or sympathy for his odd mental state with the result that I really did not much care whether he improved his mental state. The story is very short. Its novelty was enough to sustain aattention for its brief duration. Without any bond between narrator and reader, I don't think many readers would stick with this story much longer.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .