I must say you've done a great job at personifying an hourglass in this piece. The free-verse style you used for this makes the poem feel unforced, and the vocab you used really helps generate an enjoyable atmosphere for the piece. Overall, fantastic job! I'd say this easily deserves a 4/5 stars.
Personally, I think the informal writing style you used for this piece goes matches this kind of song perfectly, sort of rough and edgy. However, A few parts did seem rather repetitive. Other than that, there's not much about this that needs improving. Overall, solid lyrics, great job!
By the way, there's a typo in the second verse, instead of out your wrote lout. Keep up the good work! :)
Also, could you review my latest song, Empty Mirrors?
This is one of the best inspirational poems I have EVER read. Wow, I'm really glad I came across this one! The flow of the poem is amazing, the rhymes do not feel forced, and most important of all(in my opinion at least), it has a good bit of creativity to it, which really makes it stand out from other inspirational poem I have read. Extraordinary job here! Give yourself a pat on the back! :)
These have to be, without a doubt, the thoughts of any hard working writer. The best pieces are always the one that come from the heart, and this poem is a crystal clear example of that. Fantastic write, really. Extremely impressive. :)
One of the main reasons I love dark poems is because of the raw emotion that can be in them, and this poem was charged with that. you really did a fantastic job with this piece! You not only managed to give the poem so much emotional power, but you managed to spice it up with literary devices as well. Hunger is an unfortunate problem faced by many people in this world, but it's poems such as this one that let the whole world know about the struggle it can bring about. :)
Overall, I would say this is a perfectly balanced story. It successful displays both the ups and downs of immortality, has some action, humor, sadness and happiness, and is original. It reminded me of doctor who a little. Fantastic job :)
This is easily the best Alice in Wonderland themed poem I have ever read BY FAR. Everything you used from the vocab to the literary devices helped to generate a charming, bizarre and somewhat dark atmosphere that the story itself has. Hats off to you sir for writing this magical piece! :)
Id say this is a pretty good poem, but parts of it feel clumsy and forced(forgive if none of this is actually forced!) . All in all, this is quite good. Keep it up! :)
Your creative talent explicitly shines with this song! The title fits the subject perfectly, and i could easily think of a beat to this. This talks about an unfortunate price we all have to pay because of time and humanity, and it talks about it beautifully!
This is quite a well thought out and motivating piece. The sciency feeling the vocab you used gave the poem really makes it stand out. This poem would do great as a spoken word poem.
This feels more like a chapter from a book than a short story. Nonetheless, it's an interesting read. You had me hooked the entire time, and I personally think your introduction is fantastic. I felt that the story could use a little more substance to it though, because I don't really get to know the characters enough to really care about what happens to them before the end of the story came(that's just my opinion, it may or may not be right). Overall, this story has a few rough edges, but it's still easily a solid and enjoyable read. Don't stop writing! :)
There is some truly beautiful imagery in this fantastic poem you have written. Your descriptions sucessfully gave this piece the "Natural" atmosphere you were gunning for, and the font color fits the poem perfectly. The literary devices you used(personification, alliteration, etc) added even more flavor to the poem without making it too rich. This is a perfect blend of everything that should be seen in poetry.
There' quite a bit of emotion behind every word of this song. I think you have written something that's not only powerful, but that many people can probably relate to as well. We all go through hard times eventually, but the best thing we can ever do is stay strong. These are heart touching lyrics. Wonderful job
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