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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/doctorholmes
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of "S"  Open in new Window.
Review by Tom Holmes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! I don't have a lot to say here--I really liked it, as you can see by my rating. I almost think you went a little overboard with the alliteration, though. While a good exercise in the technique, I don't really see what purpose it serves in this poem besides being "S," which is what "Spring" starts with. I personally found it slightly distracting at parts. This could just be me, though, and all that said, I find it seriously impressive that you were able to do that.
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Review by Tom Holmes Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is one of my favorite poems I've read on here. All these comments are merely suggestions that I think would make it even better. The second line of the second stanza is in the past tense, will the first and third are in the present. I really think you should change it to match. I would also suggest tweaking, "Is knowing humanity's highness." The rhythm is just a bit off to my ear. The only other thing I would suggest is adding some punctuation after that line, perhaps "highness--" or "highness," . I just think it would lead into the next line better. This is a wonderful poem, and sorry about your lost opportunity (if it is about you).
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