I found myself hanging in suspension the whole story, wanting to know if it was coming from something, or if it was just Fred being crazy (obviously, Fred being crazy). Overall, an interesting read. You're very talented at keeping the reader hanging on, so try that in some future writing.
Very compelling read! Which is awesome coming from me, because I rarely enjoy fantasy or occult stories and novels. I found myself hanging onto every word and I cannot wait to read more! My only suggestion would be to drop the 17 years later reference from the end altogether. Also, divide your paragraphs a little more.
I really enjoy the positive spin at the end! Otherwise a very dark poem is enlightened by your positive closing statement.
Definitely a poem that "means something" and speaks about something that is very important to us all. As far as areas of opportunity, I find that there are a few broken parts that affect the overall "flow" of the poem...but still very good.
Keep up the great work!
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