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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dirtdaubber
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by dirtdaubber Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*snif* What a powerful story. The only place I had to stop and backup to figure something out was where it says: I card a locked smoking room door - is that a typo? It needs smoothing there to make meaning more clear in that one spot. Otherwise - great job - keep writing, as this example shows a gift for graphically describing a scene with few words, and for presenting emotion to the reader as a gift, clearly and sensitively given.
Nice work!
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Review by dirtdaubber Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
I like the premise of the story about the park bench that is soiled by a bird and now suffers through a long, lonely day through the distaste of others, who don't want to be near bird poop!
I had some difficulty figuring out who was saying what, though, as the point of view changes several times throughout the narrative. Stick with first person point of view, and state things all from the viewpoint of the park bench. For example, "on the grass you saw" should read "I saw" to keep the same point of view - the situation from the view of the bench. Correcting those instances throughout will make this short story much more clear and understandable, and will improve the flow for the reader. Keep writing!
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Review by dirtdaubber Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice mix of dark and light examples. Without the lighter, more inspirational ones, it would be too depressing, and without the dark ones, it would be too sappy. You struck a nice blend between the two. The free verse style works well here. Not bad! Keep writing!
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