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Review by NoviceNovel-ty Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Oddly enough, I don't like sci-fi but thought this was pretty good.

You might want to check for omitted words and using the same words repeatedly for instance, "the same as any other day" and "typical." You don't want your readers distracted or subliminally asking, "Why am I reading this "uneventful" story?" Just my thoughts, as I knew this was not going to be an ordinary day by the way you begin the story. Also, be careful with your verbs and adverbs for example: “So…any excuse for yourself?” asked Hylia joked. -- s/b jokingly.

Overall, I thought the story was good. As I said before, I don't like sci-fi but I will read your next chapter to see how it goes. I feel compelled to follow Camis on his next adventure which is exactly what you want in a reader. My hats off to you as I'm doing the easy part. Keep up the good work!!

Nice Novel-ty
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