Geoffrey,
I'm new to WDC, my experience is limited and my skills serve up less. Nevertheless, in spite of beginner limitations, I recognize quality.
I love the fact that your style is not pestered to death by cries for more punctuation from the auctioneers. The story-line weave mingles reality with raw feelings of emotion and life.
I served as a Commander in the USN. I have witnessed life's cruel edge.
In this review, I simply get in a long line who go before me and say; Sir, you can write!
Cheers,
mr. Wordsmith
Catty,
I can hardly believe 1st place could be better than this, I can't wait too read part two...!
Extremely creative, the humour drips from the walls...ha ha , and your sense of wicked wit is illustrious.
I look forward to learning and laughing with you.
Cheers,
mr. Wordsmith
Wow! This is creative and really good.
Flipping the storyline beyond what is anticipated, and adding a thriller spin takes talent, something you obviously have. All I can say is I really enjoyed it and will be back.
Observation: The more I think about the story, the more I think you 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' have been on the Alfred Hitchcock script writing team. :)
Suggestion: Your story allows me to have a peek at what you commented on in, "Just for Men." It seems to me it is either feast or famine. All bunched together too tight or spread out a little too much.
I can see you have by design spread the story out in mini paragraphs. No doubt you have given this some serious thought and found this to work best. I'm just wondering though, what would happen if you compromised and made some bigger paragraphs? Would this diminish the effect and readability you are looking to achieve?
I'm still trying to figure out this point thing, so please accept my small donation as my ignorance and nothing more. Like I said before, the story was great!
Cheers,
mr. Wordsmith
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