Funny and very, very creative. Humorous, and captivating. I never knew someone could manage to compose such a parody for "The Charge of The Light Brigade"! Absolutely opposite! I have been rolling with laughter ever since I first read the poem! ;) I would love to see proses from you. Let's see how you can do that! I'll encourage you, of course! All the very best! :D
This is just simply AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This poem just rocks. The way you have noticed and described every detail has made this poem really worth reading. It is so cute! By the way, opposites attract, you see. So it has happened here as well. But I am confused whether these are the thoughts of the girl or the boy [assuming this poem is not about homosexuals.. :P]...
Nice try. First of all, you've got a really weird set of names there! Some thinking! :D You have created a new world altogether in these few paragraphs, and that is very impressive. But I think you should separate out the "Introduction" to the story and the actual happenings. I guess this is going to be a long story, right? So I think it's fine if it has a separate introduction. Then Chapter one, two, and so forth. Oher than all this, this is nice. I really like the names, actually. Keep writing! :)
This thing is a really cool idea. I'm adding to it more or less everyday. I really like this concept. No one knows where or to what this will lead! Hehe... Really nice thinking, you know! The best part is the weird range of topics which are covered in just three words per post! Carry on!
This is really cool! The prologue actually made me want to ask you if there really was such a disease. It was such a 'real' discussion. Good starting! Please notice that your first chapter was supposed to be in italics, but it somehow didn't work. It looks a bit awkward. I think you should change it. The workds about the old woman in the first paragraph of the first chapter is a bit too vague, I think. It would be better if you could be a bit clearer. Other than all this, this has a really interesting start. Carry on. It might be very fruitful. Keep writing! ;)
Hi! Sparkler here. Well, first of all, this is a very nice compilation of your inner feelings. But I think there are some things that need to be corrected. First of all, as it is a poem, I think each line should start with a capital letter. Secondly, punctuation should have been used more accurately. Other than this, there are some typing errors:
Line 3: WILLL instead of WILL
Line 8: FAILIER instead of FAILURE and FALLOW instead of FOLLOW
Line 9: DESTANY instead of DESTINY
Line 11: PASSSION instead of PASSION
It would be better if you could edit your item for this mistakes.
Thank you.
This is great! Even through this small verse, you have expressed your love for your land beautifully. I realy like it! But as this is a poem, I guess each line of it should start with a capital letter. Maybe you have forgotten that. Moreover, I feel you could have emphasized the feelings that have brought out these lines with a more diverse use of punctuation. Quite perfect otherwise! Thank you.
You have tried to be very descriptive here, and I'm happy to tell you that you have suceeded. But there are some mistakes I want to point out to you. The spelling of 'dying' is wrong there. I think it would be better if you corrected that. Moreover, I think these lines would have been a bit more expressive if you could punctuate a bit more. Other than all this, I really like it! It's really nice. Keep writing! Thank you.
The story is very absorbing, and the intense tension felt by the characters can be felt by the reader as well. The title also goes exceptionally well. Now let me tell you the negative points about your story. First, in the fifth line of the fourth paragraph of your story, the spelling of 'lose' has been mistyped as 'loose'. Secondly, in the third-last line of the first section, you have missed out the 'his' in the line "...he ran it through ^ own heart". It would be nice if you could edit these areas. Keep writing!! ;)
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