Perhaps it is not too late to try all these, and more out. Just live the life, and try to make the most of it.
Burn out bright, and leave something important behind for someone, anyone. Find your someone...all words of hope, and all of them just trigger some sort of aversion to actually listening to them, when in these...basements we all fall into at one point or the other, and sometimes it is best to live out these feelings, and then stand back up, and go fight back because everyone`s worth it. To live, to have a shot at doing what they like... But if one doesn`t want to, well, then the actual darkness comes from ones ignorance...
I feel this familiar feeling from my "childhood" as I read this piece, and well you did great at portraying just how it feels to be left out, and all, even though to some, it may just look like a list, with each line starting with the same statement of not knowing something, thus they might even just say "ehhh..." and go on to some other piece. I hope that writing can help you get out these feelings, and help you move on forward from them.
So allow me a smartbutt note "It`s not how many times you fall or fail, it`s how many times you stand back up and try again." quote from somewhere from someone, don`t remember where I read it...lol
The horror being...that you know it`s real.
Imagine, what`d happen if you were there alone... Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it, have my own share of the creepy crawlies in the dark, but that`s for the story section. Overall I love the way you have presented the story, and given that Mrs. Gillespie just knew how it happened, maybe if I rephrase... She knew what triggered it, is just making it even creepier. It makes one wonder of what is there beyond our material existence, doesn`t it? But that too is for the story section. Interesting piece here, I hope the "spook" never returned into your life after this encounter. So overall, well presented story, nice job.
Beautiful piece here as far as the message is concerned.
I can relate to the feeling all too well, and although I like how you`ve managed to pull off the second line always ending with the word "it" I think you could re write the whole piece without trying to force your message into this uh...Scheme, because it feels a bit jumpy... and that`s just my "taste" when it comes to poetry, especially when it is about certain feelings and how they`re affecting us, I like it if the poet considers the feels of the piece more important than sticking to a scheme. Again, that`s just my opinion, I hope I have not offended you with it. So overall I like what you have here. :)
A very interesting story unfolding here. Heh, I`m kind of excited to read more though, I want to find out what happens to the singer, after all he might just be able to cure the infected, or at least somehow offer a way of mending their broken souls back together, and maybe by that neutralize their controllers influence.
Interesting story here... I love your attention to detail, it`s not overdone, or too little, just right. However, I found a few sentences that...well they felt a little off, not enough to keep me away from reading, just seemed to not fit in with the rest too well, so I`ll point them out for you. :)
"A cool thing to do? I can see one being in a scrap yard but what possible need would a bunch of engineers doing Global Warming experiments have for an electromagnet in a bio dome?" The beginning was kinda...just rough, but all in all didn`t stop me from reading on... So kudos for a job well done. :)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dennis191
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:13pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
