While I found some of the wording a little awkward, I realize that the author is probably not from the United States and is using different phrases to describe things that we might use. What stands out, however, is even though I went back a few times to reread a sentence hear and there so I was sure I understood what the sentence meant, the emotional angst and the level of anxiety the narrator was experiencing was very clear. The author did a good job of building up the narrator's interest in the 'new boy,' showing her anxiety, and describing the process by which she came to the decision to approach him rather than wait for him to speak to her.
One suggestion for the author would be to write in shorter, more concise sentences. Some of the sentences were quite long. While in some cases they were quite descriptive it might have read easier and been more interesting if there was a mix of long and short sentences.
As someone who lived through similar experiences when I was young, I appreciated the narrator's shyness and disappointment. I enjoyed reading the story
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/denco60
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:34am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.