What a beautiful comparison. We all, like trees, put down roots and try our best to get enough nutrients and sun to grow. This really set my mind to thinking about the world and humanity with all of its coverings and protectants. I've read a lot of your poems that do this. Your words provoke deep thoughts that linger throughout the day. Anyone visiting this port should dig around in the blogs and journals. They hold a vast amount of images set to words that set your mind down many paths.
I think you should leave it as is. Changing it to regular poetry would lose so much, in my opinion.
This poem makes me yearn. I'm not much of a poem reviewer and I only go on how it makes me feel, but this poem meets my number one requirement for enjoying a poem and that is that it makes me feel the emotion. Whatever the emotion is whether it's anger, heartache, longing, etc., I love to be pulled into a poem by a few words that can stir up my memories and make me apply it to something similar I have felt in my own experience.
Who can even begin to express the feelings involved with losing a child? It's something I can not even make my mind wrap around, but it's something you've dealt with in such beautiful and positive ways.
I truly admire you spirit and thoughtfulness and I love your humor and your stubborn determination to live this life as happy and caring as can be done.
Reflections...more than just what we see in the water we're drowning in.
I also do that postpone grief thing. It was a full six years before I completely let go of the anger and allowed grief to push me on through to recovery, when my grandfather died. I have yet to do so with my brother. Somehow I have acceptance and agreement mixed up in my brain.
Very deep and thoughtful piece, this is. And to commemorate that, I apparently decided to type that last sentence as though I was Yoda. What I mean is, I'm glad I read it. It's with mixed emotions that we all take our next step forward.
I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and reviewing something that I normally wpuld not, for one reason. You made it funny and entertaining. I'm honestly not looking forward to some of the things I hear come with menapause, but I must say this is the only thing I have ever read that points out a positive.
Thankfully, I married a younger man!
Thanks for posting this, as I think we women would all be better off to go into the changes in our life armed with humor. There's so little to laugh at in the world at times, we have to seek our own joy.
Good job.
I'm not sure how gramatically correct this is, but it's funny...and that counts for more in my book.
This brought tears and I grieve for any person who has to go through this. It almost did me in. Sorry about your loss.
I think it is perfect the way you wrote it with the mixture and going back and forth between past and present. I think it made it a much more emotional read. Thanks for the read...
Good poem and unfortunately, so true! To me there can be no greater crime than the crimes committed on children. It just seems so alien and inconceivable to me the things that go on everyday!
That said...
The poem had a good flow and I didn't notice any glaring grammar problems or typos.
The only place that the flow bobbled for me was in the lines,
"What evil it is to injure a child;
Our God in Heaven it must sadden and rile;"
For me child and rile didn't rhyme close enough. Maybe child/defiled?
Anyhoo, not trying to rewrite anything and certainly do not want to offend. Just a thought I had.
I think you are right, we all have our own "inner Simon" and mine has a much bigger mouth and is not near as sweet as the one on TV. lol
Great information on how to push past inner demons and accomplish goals. I so need to do this with regard to my smoking habit, but thus far I am failing miserable. Excellent suggestions.
Thanks for the encouraging read. I didn't notice any grammar problems or typos, although I am not real good in that department. Nothing too obvious anyway.
Congratualtions on your success and may it continue.
LOL I love it. I always enjoy animal stories and after reading the one on the stray dog you saved, I had to read the cat one. Cute idea to put it from the cat's point of view. I do know for sure, but I almost believe cats do think like this. Thanks for the humorous read. Good job.
Great descriptive story! You do a bang-up job at giving enough details so the reader can actually feel like they are in the scene. I enjoyed this read.
I think it would be better and easier to read if you added some space between the paragraphs and broke it up a bit. I have learned from this site that breaks make it easier for the reader to keep going. I think a story with no breaks makes the reader want to skim to the bottom or get overwhelmed and stop reading all together. Just a thought.
Thanks for the read and welcome to the site. It is a great place to pick up skills and learn a lot about presentation as well as the grammar and different styles of writing. I like your style. You would do well in writing horror, I think.
I will post this to the public review page so you can get more feedback.
First of all let me say, welcome to the site and I hope you find it as helpful as I have.
This is a little jumbled at places. I think it would help the reader if you put some space after every paragraph. I know when I first came to the site, I didn't put the spaces. If it is broken up a bit more, the reader will find it easier to follow along and not lose interest.
Very difficult subject matter and it's descriptive a a painful series of events, but there are a few typos and grammar problems you may want to work on. I am not a grammar whiz myself, but I think some of the comma and semi-colon overuse also made it a little hard to read.
Overall a good read that will be even better with a little work. Just some suggestions. Hope you are enjoying the site! Thanks for the read.
How beautiful! I love how creative this is. It is so true. Nothing seems like Christmas until you get the tree. One year due to this and that, we didn't get a tree until two days before Christmas and it just magically turned into a holiday the moment we put it up. Thanks for the link, and it's making me want to run and get a tree.
Ha! Another one that I like. Clicked on this in your signature. I keep every one of mine, too. I have two that defy any reasoning for me, maybe you could help. One said...'Happiness, for you, is a bridge' This one I have pondered for some time. And another time I opened my fortune cookie and it was empty. What does that mean? Thanks for the read, I really like your style.
What a beautiful poem! I love this. It is so true, our mother is the first one that we love and is the main source of love throughout our lives. You did a wonderful job expressing the love of a mother and I can see why you won. Congratulations, and thanks for posting the link in scroll!
Welcome to the site. This is a nice little bit on looking at the positive side. Having been a teenage mother myself, I empathize and feel this. There are quite a few grammatcial problems that if cleaned up would make this easier to read and it would come across with more impact, I think.
Some suggestions:
'Realizes that she's the most lucky person she knows...some people try all there life to be happy just for a moment, but she gets to be happy every time she looks at her son's face.'
This is a very long sentence. It might be easier to follow if you split it into two sentences such as ..
'She realizes that she's the luckiest person she knows. Some people try all their lives to be happy for a moment, but she gets to be happy every time she looks at her son's face.'
Also in the sentence you use the word 'there' and it should be their.
Also, the last sentence needs a capital at the beginning and a period at the end.
Thanks for the read and I will be glad to revisit and re-rate if you wish. Enjoy the site and once more, "Welcome aboard."
I think this is one of the most romantic stories I have read on this website! It is absolutely wonderful. There is something about love that makes even the bad things bearable. I have noticed in a lot of couples when they let the love slide, tiny things that had no effect previously now rip them apart. Hope ya'll never lose the feelings of the dark blue paint. Thanks for the read, it made my day.
What a terribly sad poem about a tragic therapy. I do not know much about it but what I have heard has not been very encouraging. I found this one the plug page but I am not sure what you meant by having problems rhyming it, because it doesn't seem to rhyme. But, the flow was pretty good as I read it. Good job overall.
Now, I like this one. It has a good flow from the beginning all the way to the end. Good job and this is perfect for this month of ghosts and goblins. lol The only thing that gave me pause was the second to the last line. 'The lithly sprite' sounded a little odd...maybe just lithe sprite. Just a suggestion. Overall good job.
First of all, welcome to the site and I hope you enjoy it.
I didn't really understand the association of waiting for love with this content, unless death is love? There are a few grammar problems. You need to capitalize the letter I, some are and some aren't. Also, in this section...
'Depressed isn`t just a word to me
It's the very life Ilive
You can ask me why I look up
But I'll say why look up'
There needs to be a space between the word 'I' and 'live' on the second line and ...the last line needs to be, 'But I'll say, "Why look up?" ' so that the words he says are in quotes and distinguised. Or something like that, I am a grammar ninny, myself. I had to re-read to get it. Thanks for the read.
This one confused me a little. I didn't really understand the tie between the title and the content. In the poem it doesn't really talk about any instance where saying to much caused a problem. Maybe I am not getting it tonight. There are a few typos. In the first line you have...
' I wish I ould have spoken less '
Did you mean 'could' or 'would' possibly? And in this line...
'Like the candls we used to light' There is a typo in the word candles. Thanks for the read and welcome to the site.
Good poem! The words paint a picture so vividly. One thing, on the last line of every stanza, go through and put a period instead of a comma. Also, I would suggest changing the descrition under the title to something that reflects the poem and what you have. Put something that will lure people in to read. That's just a suggestion, but I think you are too talented at the young age of thirteen to be so negative. I am proud of you!
First of all, you are talented at descriptive writing. You paint a scene well. Now my main comment on your writing is you need to have more confidence in yourself.
Think of a title, such as 'Terror at Sea' or anything along those lines. Don't leave it untitled. Change the description underneath the title. Never sell yourself short. Yes, you may be thirteen, but self-confidence will shine through just as no self-confidence shimes through. You have talent and you can build on that. This was an interesting piece and I just hate to see you run it down before I even have a chance to read it.
There are a few grammar problems and I will help you on them if you wish, but most of all...hold your head up and be confident. You wrote a scene and it was good! You, at thirteen, are a writer! Welcome to the site and I hope you are around for a long time. It can be such a help to your writing.
What a good idea. This is an informative look at grief and the grieving process that will be helpful for people to read. I know having just passed the one year date of my brother's death that there is a certain ease with time, but the rawness is never far below the surface. Especially during the holidays. Great job explaining the emotions and stages of accepting a death of a loved one. God bless.
Great poem! I thought this poem was very well written and it flowed like water down a dam. Great job getting the words to fit just so where there was not a bobble or slip in the read. That is hard to do, so good job. I don't know about the colors but I guess it brightened up the poem a little. Welcome to the site and I hope it helps you as much as it has me. Again, good job!
Ha! What a clever way you play with words! I love the irony and the sarcasm in this little story. Even the doctor's name cracked me up. I think they need to abandon hope. (the feeling not the baby) Grammar looked good to me. I just found the one typo in the sentence below.
“Do you want to do see them?" Other than 'do' instead of go, you did a good job. I like your writing, biting style!
Deelyte
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Excellent suggestions.
I like your writing, biting style!