This poem is something we can all empathise with and I think that helps it give a certain level of emotional impact. It conveys that wonderful warm feeling of waking next to someone you love with evocative description and a pace that feels langourous and lazy. The ending is very romantic and bespeaks a long term familiarity and deep affection. All in all a very touching and heartfelt poem.
I found this piece to be very interesting for its original content - a man choosing fear and a lifetime of guilt over risking his life to save others. Very interesting to me in that it is an unusual response for a protagonist.
The bleakness of the situation contrasted with tranquil surroundings is very nicely engineered. The tragedy is then hammered home by the reaction of the watcher. I'd be very keen to see where this goes and lear why and how this tragic event came about.
I think the piece might benefit from a little dialogue from the pair in the water, if only for impassioned pleas for someone, anyone to help them or perhaps tearful encouragement to one another to stay afloat followed by some heartfelt last words. Basically anything that will create a more harrowing experience for the unseen watcher.
I also think a little more exposition on why they are drowning might help. As it stands, the couple appear to be drowning after several minutes in a placid moonlit lake with no appreciable reason as to -why- they cannot swim to safety. Are they fleeing a sinking vessel too far from the shore? Is the water too cold and has sapped their strength? Are they poor swimmers? Is the current pulling them away from shore? I appreciate that this might be expanded upon later but it would likely aid the readers mental image if a little context was given as to why it was impossible for them to have swum to safety.
I liked this piece. The idea of a cyclical horror event is a very disturbing one and has been used to great effect in films like the Ring - each horrid event spawns another, which spawns another and so on. I also liked the use of the pounding heartbeat - a pounding pulse is always a good way to demonstrate rising anger or fear. If I have any criticisms, I'd like a little more fleshing out to the initial meeting with Ms Morgan. Its obvious that the protagonist is supected of doing something quite foul and bloody - it would be nice to see some caution or fear on the part of the interviewer. A little more dialogue and tension building before launching into the main part of the story would definitely help the impact of the piece.
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