Great story. Unusual storyline. Be careful of cliche's. They remove originality from the piece. You have many good sentences, but one stands out among the others: All I wanted to do is pass some time out front of the supermarket, like I had done so many times before, but I was stuck in this ridiculous episode of unknown reason.
You seem to have relaxed a bit more with this chapter. Your style is showing. Pay attention to cliche's. Just as in my chapter one review, omit adverbs and adjectives when you rewrite this piece. Some of your dialog in this chapter is confusing:“No, I can’t read your mind, but you’ve been constantly been giving me a dirty look since I first got in this car, and what with your pretty little picture that is yourself, I figured that it probably would be that,” he explained, eyes shut and very laid back." Tighten your sentences until they say exactly what you want them to say without wordiness to confuse, and bore the reader. I really like this story, and look forward to the next chapter.
Great story line. The characters are believable because of the well written dialog. Tighten your sentences by omitting cliche's, adverbs and adjectives. They are not needed to tell a good story, and will only bore the reader. On to read the next chapter.
This is a good story line. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation are the most important parts of a well written tale. It is not possible to give feedback unless all the factors are in place. Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite making sure that your story is written to the best of your ability before submitting it for feedback. Looking forward to reading the next chapter.
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