But a new generation is discovering Kirk now, although for us Shatner will always be the real Kirk. Like Romeo and Juliet, he is sort of forever young, since the older Admiral never caught my imagination in quite the same way. A little sad to be sure, but the fourth line of the second verse just makes me think of all the girls he kissed.
There are a bunch of interesting ideas in here, but in my opinion they could be developed a little more. I know that some people who 'came after' you won something, but not what. For me the poem remains murky, since this contest (and your ultimate decision that it was not important) are sort of central to the poem. In my opinion you need to clarify that, or else make it clear that you are referring to human contests and judgement generally.
Great job on the meter though, I know how tough that can be.
This is a fun idea, and I like the way you didn't give her a stereotypically happy ending by Deus Ex Machina that she didn't really work for. The idea of people being miniaturized has been used before, I think Asimov called his version Fantastic Voyage, and there was Honey I shrunk the Kids. All the same, you do have a new take on how she deals with the problem, although I am not sure a toy car would work well as a skateboard for a one inch girl. I suspect she could have made enough noise to attract her mom's attention if she could move the car.
I'm happy for the happy times you spent with your mother. My mother saw the grandchildren born (from my sister) but didn't have time to see them grow up. I hope you have pictures to show the children and grandchildren, and many happy stories as well. Have you already seen any grandchildren yourself?
I'm still waiting for the vacuum, hoping it will clean the living room, even though I don't have kids. Maybe I need a new vacuum
Other than that I agree, hanging fruit rarely falls into your hand, you have to be ready to pick it, or benefit somehow if it falls on your head, like in the story about Newton discovering gravity.
I love the dramatic imagery here that makes the poem, even though it's 'really' a story of a student seated by the window and daydreaming of a lost friend while ignoring the teacher. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what it's about. I had a little trouble with the idea of raindrops being like meteorites. They're not, really, and it doesn't create a clear image in my brain.
This is an interesting form, starting out as a metaphor, almost an allegory, then gradually becoming more literal as an aid to interpreting itself. The form sort of reflects the content, since part of what the brain does is interpret itself. Usually I try to add some helpful criticism, but I'm not sure if this is meant to be published anywhere, so it may be exactly whatyou want already.
ROFL, some wise guy janitor is about to get a kick in the nuts. I'm studying the winning entries of the 55 word contests, they all seem to have a surprise twist at the end. You do a lot of characterization in only six lines of dialog. For some reason I see them in a storage closet, but looking back I don't see a word about it, so I'm not sure if you described the setting or not. They say people get confused about who is speaking when you don't use tags, but it sure doesn't happen here. Congratulations!
Congradulations on winning Open Line Friday's. I'm reading some winning entries to see what I can learn. I like all the colorful description you pack into the first paragraph without seeming to, and the way you characterize man and cat so deftly with a few paragraphs of interaction, and the sudden twist when we know how the townsfolk and strangers see him. The link between man and cat creates a sense of closure and is somehow more satisfying than having the cat go unwilling to an animal shelter, though I wonder if I missed some subtle foreshadowing of the link.
Great twist at the end! I love the way you give new meaning to unsteady legs, staggering, perilous descent. Sure enough, all those are equally true for a tired mountain climber and a very young child who wants to go down stairs. Congratulations on your first place win for the amazing 55 contest.
I'm reading some previous contest winners to see if I can learn the secrets of 55 word stories. You sure pack a lot of great description into yours, as well as a suprise ending, with a sudden POV change that somehow works for me. I like the way you use 'interest' and 'patience' to almost take us into the minds of creatures without anthropomorphizing them.
There's a lot of vivid imagery and passion here, and I enjoyed reading this. I don't quite understand how or why she became mortal, so for me the story isn't quite complete, though someone more knowledgeable or aware might have picked it up. I love the way you pack so much into fifty five words.
This is horrible, but fascinating too. I'm not sure I ever saw a dark romance combined with a horror story. It must be romance, I'd have to be pretty strange to call it erotica. Great job with the setup, so the final line is unexpected but instantly clear.
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My dad was an amazing guy. He had to join gamblers anonymous so we couldn't have put a deck of cards in the casket - he'd have lost the shirt he was buried in.
You'd laugh at the things that make me think of my dad, his quirky sense of humor. He loved getting free things, although he did well making a living and providing for his family, so I always take an extra free mint or three leaving a restaurant in his name. I repeated a couple of his jokes in the eulogy, which worked because some of them had a sad edge.
My father died peacefully in his sleep after an illness not as protracted as you write about, and I will pray for you.
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I think its really interesting the way you write about writing and a writers workshop. It would probably be too self referential for publication, but for an audience consisting largely of other writers it fits the bill.
I too have met more writers here than anywhere else, of all different types, interests, and ages.
Some of your rhymes are not conventional, but I'm not a poet - and I'm not you - so I don't say they're wrong. Events - vents - sounds almost like duplication instead of a rhyme because the rhyming syllable begins with the same last letter. Sometimes one word of a rhyming couplet ends with an 's' and the other doesn't.
I like happy endings. I assume the kitten didn't grow into a huge duck eating cat one day. I'm glad it confined itself to mice and such - unless it was a catfoodarian.
Thanks for your story, deceptively simple yet better written and proofread than 95 percent of what we see here.
I liked this, there are many interesting images and audio sensations, and it brings unusual thoughts into being.
You could take the title from the first line, A Multitude of Sound. If you wanted a pun, you could call it, The Sound None Care to Hear. If you want a subtle hint at the ending, so people will be surprised yet think they could have known, maybe The Sound of Destruction, or the Sound of Despair.
This is interesting, but I'm not sure you mean the same thing by empirical proof as your friend - and many other people - do. You don't give details of the being whose existance you are trying to prove, so it may well be you are correct - but it's worth thinking about what that would mean.
Suppose a Christian were to say, "I believe in a being who is outside the universe and it's laws, and cannot be detected by scientific tests. I can prove His existance because events occurred which could not have occurred if he did not exist, and were attested to independently by many people with no reason to lie."
Despite the first sentence, the second sentence is not immune to scientific investigation - assuming he's talking about what we would expect a Christian to be talking about. For instance, suppose an anthropologist examined the things that were said about this being and cataloged the similarities to things said about other beings in the past, which other being Christians agreed was mythical. The similarity might not seem absolute proof, but it is still relevant - it is evidence against the claim that such a story would not evolve naturally without a supernatural being intervening in history. I know someone answered this argument, but even if you believe in divine foreshadowing, it still weighs against the claim that the story 'could not' have come into existance without any miracles happening.
Now suppose the document which recorded claims supposedly made by unrelated witnesses to miracles who had no reason to lie. Suppose they refer to names and events which occured after any witnesses would have died. I'm not talking about prophecy, but an alleged eyewitness account which uses words not invented at the time of the event that was allegedly witnessed. Whether you believe these occurred or not, surely they are relevant scientific investigations of a being not detectable directly by scientific instruments. I suppose you could say the second example is not science, but many historians do consider history a science.
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