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Review of Fade Away  Open in new Window.
Review by David Scar Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I really enjoyed reading this story, Particularly the way it doesn't quite explain what happened, i found myself thinking "is he already dead" "is this a dream" and other such ideas, but i was compelled enough to put them aside and read on.
I love the emotion at the end, but (now comes constructive criticism) i would have liked to see more emotion early on, this man is suffering from the moment he got up and especially when he got knocked over he might have taken that a bit more personally, perhaps a "who the hell does this man think he is" thrown in there would have shown his frustration starting to leak out.
The only other point i could see was to perhaps use more passive language to help the sentences flow. For instance, instead of each sentence being a statement "i did this" "i went here" but this became more the style as the story progressed and i am inclined to think this was intentional, if so ignore this part :)
I hope this is helpful, and i really enjoyed where this short story took me, i'll be looking for any more written by yourself in the future.
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