What you have here is a really good outline for an in-depth essay on the Internet. It is made up of a series of simple, declarative sentences, each one in need of a follow up paragraph to flesh out your ideas. You have told us what it is, now try to give it some depth by explaining the "Why" of each statement. Like I said...very good start and could be better with a little fleshing out.
Many times when I read a piece that has won a contest here on WDC I shake my head and wonder why they won.....not this time. This was one of the finest pieces of writing that I have read in a long time. I have no suggestions on how to make this story better because it doesn't need any improvement. Well done.
Keep up the good work Vicky. I do so enjoy your blog. You are bright and articulate and you have a lot to say. Thank you for letting me share in your life by reading your words.
"Does this item inspire you? Does it flow and make sense to you .? Leave as is or add to it. How would you classify it. Poem , essay.... Is it publishable and if it is... any suggestions. Will review per review"
Let me try to answer your questions. The peice IS inspirational. The flow is harmed by choppy sentances. You might want to try reading it out loud, that will better show you the stumbling points and allow you to make changes to help the flow.
I would classify it as an essay written in a poetic voice. I am not sure what market this piece would fit into, maybe a literary magazine or college publication.
Your writing shows a lot of promise and I am sure you will realize your dream of publication soon...WRITE ON!
This is a very powerful and gripping story of a man's journey through one of the steps of grief: Anger.
At first I was not sure the tense it was written in would work but as I read on, I found that it worked very well indeed, in fact it added to the power of the piece.
I did find just a couple of what I call "stumbling points": He walks to them filled with an unexplainable rage towards them.The use of "them" twice in this one sentance caused me to stumble just a bit in the reading. Maybe use the word;"pots" for the first "Them".
He stands by the table panting with vulnerability.I wish I could verblize better just what bothers me about this sentance. "panting with vulnerability" just seems too weak when put against the power of the rest of the description in the story. It's not really wrong, it just lacks the power of the rest of the narrative and thus, it causes one to stumble while reading.
These are very minor points and by no means take away from the very well written piece you have created here. The fact that you have very succently captured the grief suffered by the main character, a man, is especially to be applauded.
This was truely a wonderful piece of mythical, metophoric, mystical storytelling. It needs no suggestions from me to make it better. You have taken an old tale and twisted it, made it from another point of view.
Very smartly done and really a most enjoyable read. Thank you.
Mya, I am not a poet, indeed I am quite ignorant as to what actually is good poetry but I judge poetry that I read by the emotions the piece is able to evoke in me, the reader.
Your poem, to me, was very powerful. As a parent I could feel the pain of seperation the character was feeling. So, in as much as your poem reached me on an emotional level, I feel that it deserves five stars...very well done lady, thank you for sharing it with the rest of us.
Hi mya. As I have told you before, poetry is my weak spot and I can only read the stuff that speaks to me, that strikes a personal chord and your poem does that big time!
I loved it. The voyage of self discovery or rediscovery as it were is one many of us must make and though sometimes painfull, it is always worth the effort....well done lady.
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