This is some good reading, emerin-liseli... good writing, too, by the way. i guess i had no real idea of what was waiting for me when i glanced at the title, but i'm quite happy now that i tabbed this open.
The characterization is good, if a little much for such a short piece... i mean, there's a lot of names and personalities to digest right off, but i'm sure this will get easier as the story progresses.
Your technical skills are breathtaking. There's nary a malformed word nor a grammatical error here to speak of, but i did find these few items you'll want to clean up:
We would generally cause mayhem once arrived at the store...There ought to be a 'we' in here after the 'once'...
Our the time I decided that we were fugitive prisoners...'Or', not 'our'...
Hey, other than these little things, this piece is real solid. I admire your ability to string words together with this kind of lyrical flair. Keep up the good work!
dave.
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