The subject matter and yur desriptice language are beautiful,but some of the lines felt a little difficult. I could tell you tried very hard to make them fit: I'd consider simplifying this a little. Simplicity is always better in poetry!
Keep it up!
-Darling
Not much to say but that I thoroughly enjyed it, and just waanted to let you know ;) I believe good writers should be encooouraged! Great job, keep writing!
First of all, you have a great vocabulary and obviously a lot of ideas! Those are the building blocks for a good story, and so good job there. However, I have a couple ideas to make it even better. :)
Number one: give your characters goals. If they have something to work towards, the story will practically write itself! Plus, if some of these goals conflict, it gives you some great plot elements.
Number two: don'tbe afraid to slow down. I know you're probably an avid reader and are used to stories just whipping by, but it can't happen that way when you write, or the story won't be as deep an meaningful to others as it is to you.
Overall, though, great start! Keep writing!
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