darkskye's (darkskye) Reviews

darkskye

Review Requests: OFF

401 Public Reviews Given

484 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3155400

Review of Bitter Frost

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Jazz Smith

This is a review of your piece, "Bitter Frost"

for the

`Endless Night Dark Poetry Contest

(13+)
Haitus. Darkness is always Endless.
#1171533 by Spooky, Cute & staiNed

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Good imagery! I especially like the second line in the first stanza.

Flow: Flows nicely. One suggestion:

Her evil plumage was sharp
not soft
I would make this one line. I think it would flow better that way.

Rhyme: Does not apply.

Mood: The mood is dark, but there is a wanting and pleasure within the words that combines nicely with the darkness evident in this poem.

Structure: Strucutre is nice.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

A few more stanzas would have been nice in this. It doesn't quite feel complete.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a good poem. I like the descriptions you use and those last two lines are a great end. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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2

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#3155373

Review of The Encounter

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, Koyel~writing again

This is a review of your piece, "The Encounter"

for the

`Endless Night Dark Poetry Contest

(13+)
Haitus. Darkness is always Endless.
#1171533 by Spooky, Cute & staiNed

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Good imagery. Especially that last stanza. I can picture her wonderfully!

Flow: Flows nicely.

Rhyme: Does not apply.

Mood: The mood is of longing and pain. Portrayed nicely!

Structure: The structure is nice. Good job putting the image in there!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

It feels like it is missing something. It is a good poem, but it lacks a bit of...emotion possibly? I think maybe making it longer and maybe going into when they were in love or maybe how she died might help.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a good poem. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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3

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#3155349

Review of A Darkest Sleep

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Manixander

This is a review of your piece, "A Darkest Sleep"

for the

`Endless Night Dark Poetry Contest

(13+)
Haitus. Darkness is always Endless.
#1171533 by Spooky, Cute & staiNed

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Wonderful poem! I love the lines: stanza 1 - line 3, stanza 6 - line 1.

Flow: Flows wonderfully!

Rhyme: Perfect!

Mood: The mood is dark and though simple it send chills. It reminds me of being a child scared at night of what was in the closet.

Structure: Structure is great. Love the centering!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a great piece! It deserves the wondeful red ribbon.

Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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4

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#3143586

Review of Dear God

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Wyn - missing III

This is a review of your piece, "Dear God"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

A catching and emotional title draws the reader in. I like that second line as well. It holds a lot of emotion. I can picture these words rolling off my own tongue as I have voiced them many many times. You write here what I believe many people feel sometime during there life and no doubt more than ones. Though short, it holds an expanse of emotion.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, wonderful work! An emotional and heartfelt poem. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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5

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#3143580

Review of A letter from my Mind to my Soul

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, JudyB

This is a review of your piece, "A letter from my Mind to my Soul"

Basics:

Well, the title was definitely intriguing and I must admit I was not disappointed. What a unique piece to write! You portray your honesty and your "mind" wonderfully before the reading and allow a person to get quite a good handle on your personality! Even among the negative you find the positive and most of all you are happy to be who are you.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

My only suggestion would be to add the link to the contest that this was entered into.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great work! Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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6

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#3143578

Review of Pigeon Parade

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, Harry

This is a review of your piece, "Pigeon Parade"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Great imagery! I like how you explain all the different colors that can be on a pigeon and all the different kinds of birds infesting your back yard.

Flow:Flows nicely.

Mood: The mood is laid back and definitely comical towards the end. I could really picture the male strutting after the female. Haha, definitely a good laugh in that last stanza!

Structure: Great structure!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a very unique and educating poem.

Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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7

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#3138287

Review of Chess Players in Central Park

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Joy

This is a review of your piece, "Chess Players in Central Park"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Great imagery in this unique poem! I have come to the conclusion that people can and do write about everything! That is by far a good thing! For nothing should be left unwritten.

This reminded me of chess players that I always see in scenes of movies. Your descriptions are perfect and the flow is natural, unforced. I love the following lines: stanza 1 - line 2 and 3, 4th stanza - 6th line, 5th stanza - first three lines. Great ending by the way!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None!

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a wonderful poem! Your imagery is what strikes me the most. Great vocabulary usage.

Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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8

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#3132007

Review of My First Three Poems (2006)

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Angelica Weatherby- Grateful28

This is a review of your piece, "My First Three Poems (2006)"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Great imagery throughout these poems. I like your descriptions of the ocean and all the animals that live there.

Flow: Flows alright, but I do find there is a lot of grammar and spelling problems throughout all three poems that detract from the flow and caused me to stumble and have to re-read over several lines to grasp what you were saying. I would re-read this and edit again.

Mood: Mood is great. I can tell that you have a great interest and love for fish and anything in the ocean.

Structure: Structure is nice, but I would consider maybe even making these poems separate from each other.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

There were several grammar/spelling errors. I will try to point out most that I see, but I encourage you to look over these again.

she went to is unknown,
for nobody knows how many stores she went to.
- I would work on re-wording this part. It seems a bit repetitive as you repeat the phrase, "she went to" twice in close conjunction.

In my life everyone has fish
some came from lakes
or stores
or anywhere else alive.
- I would consider adding a semicolon after the word "fish" in the top line. Also I would change the word "alive" to "they live."

but whee are the fish pictures on here?
- whee should be where

only one cave he choose to be in,
-chooses

the light hollow tre log,
-tree

the favorite place o swimming and non-swimming fish.
- o should be possibly for?

In the middle, camouflaging and mirror fish lives,
be careful not to hit with a submarine.
- These two lines are sort of confusing. Maybe "lives" should be "live" and I would re-word the second line to make it more understandable.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a wonderful idea to show where you got your name from, but I would say these three need work. As you say, they are old poems, but I would still fix up the grammar a bit on them. A great read though! Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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9

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#3131999

Review of A Valentine's Lament

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, ShiShad

This is a review of your piece, "A Valentine's Lament"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Imagery is nice in this. My favorite part in this is the last stanza. Great work!

Flow: Flows effortlessly. So simple, yet elegant and natural.

Rhyme: Rhyme is good, but I do notice a few spots where the rhyming is off. It seems like you start off with a rhyme scheme of a/b/a/b but then you lose it throughout the poem, sometimes writing a/b/a/c or a/b/c/b. Just wondering if you meant to have a specific rhyme scheme? I think it would be best if you choose to rhyme to stick to the same rhyme scheme with this poem.

Mood: Mood is strong. Speaks of lost love and a sadness, maybe even regret. Portrayed well!

Structure:Structure is well done. I like the read font

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

My only suggestion is to work on the rhyme scheme of this.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great poem. Simple, but well done! Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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10

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#3130947

Review of Starting Over

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hello, Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ

This is a review of your piece, "Starting Over"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.

Characters: In such a short story, you portray the main character very well. The love he feels for his grandfather and grandmother, the life that he lived and the trade that he is skilled on all help the reader to understand him. Well done!

Plot: The plot is about the death of a young carpenter's grandfather. You edge the reader on by portrayed such strong emotions.

Beginning/Ending: I like how you start off the story so bluntly. Those first two sentences could not have been more perfect. The ending is wonderful as well. I could picture the carpenter walking down the road thinking of his grandfather. Good job with the italics as well!

Structure: Structure is great. Good grammar throughout your piece and well done with extra spacing between paragraphs.

Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a beautiful and heartfelt story. A lot of emotion in so few words. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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11

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#3130944

Review of Passionesque!

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ

This is a review of your piece, "Passionesque!"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Another poem with beautiful imagery. I love how in the first stanza, you say all the things that he is to you. The sunshine, the air, the moon!

Flow: Flows fairly well. The following are my suggestions about the flow:

When I look out this window--you are looking with me
into the vast sea--I won't feel alone--nor will you
- I think you could take away some of the dashes that you use. The first one and maybe the second one. It seems like they are used a lot throughout the poem.

God made it to be so--thus it is-you are not alone
I am not alone--we are bonded by a hand so Divine...
- I think this line might flow better written something like this:

God made it to be so, thus it is...you are not alone
I am not alone--we are bonded by a hand so Divine

Mood: The mood is overflowing with love, with hope and happiness. You portray love beautifully in this.

Structure: Structure is great! I like your addition of images in your poetry. I would suggest that the word "alone" be more lighter in the image.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

Just the ones I mentioned above.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, another great poem with so much feeling. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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12

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#3130940

Review of Totem Wolf

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hello, Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ

This is a review of your piece, "Totem Wolf"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Beautiful imagery throughout this piece! From those first two lines I was drawn in.

Flow: Flows very nicely.

Mood: The mood is hopeful and full of inspiration. It speaks of a new path, a light to follow. Portrayed very nicely!

Structure: Structure is great!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

I was just wondering after I read this if it was written for a contest? If so, I would put the link of the contest at the bottom.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a great poem! Beautiful image at the top as well. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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13

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#3128585

Review of The Cosmic Masquerade Ball

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, NickiD89

This is a review of your piece, "The Cosmic Masquerade Ball"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Again, another poem with beautiful imagery! The first line sucked me in immediately and the interesting words you use were great. My favorite line is the third line of the first stanza.

Flow: Flows wonderfully!

Rhyme: Perfect rhyming.

Mood: The mood feels of awe and inspiration. There is also a curiosity within the words. Neatly done.

Structure: Structure if good, but I would suggest taking away the bold from the poem.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great work! I never heard of this form, but it sounds interesting.

Might have to give it a try some time! Thank you for sharing your work!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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#3128580

Review of The Call of a Whale

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, NickiD89

This is a review of your piece, "The Call of a Whale"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Beautiful imagery in this!

You most definitely deserved the win! Those last three lines could not be more perfect for an ending!

Flow: Flows exceptionally well. At first glance, though the structure was unique and interesting, I thought it might hinder the flow, but it does the exact opposite of what I thought. If anything, it makes the poem flow even better!

Mood: The mood is thoughtful and almost proud. This poem also holds love and a strong need for the sea.

Structure: The structure is so unique, beautiful!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a wonderful poem! Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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#3128573

Review of Homage

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, NickiD89

This is a review of your piece, "Homage"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.

Characters: The personality of Murph shows through exceptionally well! You show his feelings about his home and portray his feelings of foreignness perfectly.

Plot: The plot is well done and pushes a lot of emotion on the reader. You made me think of those like Murph, the people who fight for so much and give their lives.

Beginning/Ending: You start off well, introducing Murph and quickly causing the reader to feel sympathy for this character. Your ending is great as well, leaving it on a good note. I could picture the fireworks perfectly and the men staring up at them. Wonderful work!

Structure: Great structure. Grammar is great and I like the extra spacing between paragraphs and the larger text.

Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

My only suggestion is when you first describe Nadia you describe her with raven hair and later on, her mother says that she has dark brown hair. I know there is not a whole lot of difference, but to me raven hair is stark black..... only a small little detail.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great work! You definitely deserve the ribbon. The story portrays a lot of emotion and you describe Murph so perfectly. Well done!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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16

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#3127978

Review of Wolven: Prologue

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, S.H. Hicks

This is a review of your piece, "Wolven: Prologue"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.

You start off very well with this, drawing the reader in. I really like the descriptions of the fire and the relation to it, but I do feel you use the word, "fire" a bit too often and it gets repetitive. The beginning definitely pulled me in though. I could picture the whole scene perfectly and you give the reader a good look into the mind of Logan. The plot sounds interesting. You do not give a whole lot of details, but it is a prologue and it is meant to edge the reader on. This does its job. Good structure throughout. Good spacing and good grammar, though you have a few issues with commas. I am not that educated in the area of commas

but I did give you a few suggestions below. If I were you, I would get someone who is more skilled in grammar to edit it. Good work though!

Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

The snarls, growling, and cheers from the Wolven that formed a large circle around them, every snapped and fractured bone within his body, and there were quite a few of them, all that pain shifted into something else: fire
- I would try to break this sentence into at least two different sentences. I think dividing it up will really help the reader understand what you are saying.

exactly how long he had before one of the injuries finally took over him, and finished the job before he could stop all this.
- that comma after the word him is not needed.

The only regret that stung him now, on what he was sure was the precipice of death, was not being able to say goodbye.
- The word "on" should be "one" and I would also try re-wording this. You repeat the word "was" twice in close conjunction. I would try to find a way around this.

would be the last time, and started the phase.........
- You do not need that many ellipses at the end of this sentence. (...) would be sufficient.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, an interesting prologue! I like the title as well, Wolven. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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#3125313

Review of Our Beginning

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, ~WhoMe???~

This is a review of your piece, "Our Beginning"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Nice imagery. Especially that last line with the sunset.

Flow: It flows well throughout, but there were a few places that I would look at :

all self made with no suprise.
- feels a bit too long. Also should be spelled surprise.

as into the sunset we ride.
- This line feels a bit too long as well. But it is a nice ending.

Rhyme: You have a consistent a/b/c/b rhyme scheme. Very well done!

Mood: The mood feels of peace and hope. Portrayed very nicely.

Structure:Structure is great!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

Just the ones I mentioned above about the flow and the word, surprise.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a good poem! Very calm and with some great images. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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#3125260

Review of Do you know I'm Alive?

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Just an Ordinary Boo!

This is a review of your piece, "Do you know I'm Alive?"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: This is a really interesting piece. That first line drew me in right away. My favorite is the third stanza and that last line.

Flow: Flows wonderfully. I see you have no commas, periods, etc throughout this, but it suits the poem well.

Rhyme: Your rhyme scheme has a steady a/b/a scheme. Very well done!

Mood: The mood is most thoughtful and has almost has a mysterious feel to it. There is a craving in this poem as well.

Structure: Great structure.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None. Great work!

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a great piece.

Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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#3125257

Review of She Walks

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello, Nikola~Thankful

This is a review of your piece, "She Walks"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Great imagery in this. I could picture your story perfectly. The Victorian house, in her high-neck dress...a wonderful, yet sad story.

Flow:Flows very nicely. I really like that last line: She Walks. I like how it is so blunt and leaves almost an echo of despair.

Mood: The mood is definitely saddening. A tale of lost love, the inability to cope, and her quest that will never end.

Structure: Structure is good.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None. You could bold the title, but that is only my own personal preference.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great work! A beautiful story told in poetic form. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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#3123049

Review of Masterpiece: Seasons of Love

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, M. J. Mitchell

This is a review of your piece, "Masterpiece: Seasons of Love"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Exquisite imagery.

I love how the first line and the last line tie in so perfectly together. 'The Weaver of Time' is a good description too!

Flow: The flow is good, though I do feel you repeat the word, "Our" a lot and though repetition is good in some things, I don't feel it fits this poem.

Rhyme: Does not apply.

Mood: I love how the mood switches back and forth between this. From happy, loving and full of hope, to a sadness and then back again to hope at then end and love. I think it was quite neat how you did that.

Structure: Your structure is good!

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None other than the one I mentioned about the repetition.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great work! Love the imagery in this! Thank you for sharing.

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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#3123043

Review of Are We There Yet?

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, Just call me Omni

This is a review of your piece, "Are We There Yet?"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.

I really like how you develop the personality of the narrator so well in such a short time. You go into her past a bit and by her dialogue, the reader gets a good feel for who she is. All the words that you had to use(the ones bold) fit in perfectly and did not seem forced at all. You give the reader a good surprise at the end, though sad. I really do like that quick turn around. Good job explaining the prompt at the end as well. I always like knowing if a story had to be anything specific. Well done!

Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

I reminded myself why this party was being thrown
- there is an extra space before "why"

“Stop looking at me like that”, I demanded.
- the comma after the word "that" should be inside the quotation marks.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great work! Definitely an enjoyable read and quite the surprise at the end. Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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22

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14 days may be credited.

#3123037

Review of Fire in The Eyes

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello, chickie dee 33

This is a review of your piece, "Fire in The Eyes"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.

You have a good story here, but I do think you need to expand on it more. You bring the reader in immediately in your first sentence which is great! I would like to know more about this young girl and her effort to escape with her father. You leave the reader on a serious cliffhanger

. Does she get out? What happens to their place? .... Good grammar tough throughout. Also, good structure!

Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

fire propelling itself towards us from the paddock behind the house made him stop quick smart.
-"stop quick smart" What does that mean?

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a good story. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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23

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14 days may be credited.

#3121774

Review of Stranger

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, a. waits

This is a review of your piece, "Stranger"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.

Hmm, definitely different. I liked it. But it took quite the turn on me at the end. I really wasn't expecting that. I don't actually know what to think. I like it in a way and in another way I think it was too blunt. Though I do realize it is a short story and you really can't go in detail. So taking that into consideration I think you did well with this. Though at first I was thinking of a girlfriend waiting for her boyfriend who broke up with her. Then she mentioned being married to him. I think why the ending was a surprise is because I always figured guardian angels were invisible... but I guess it's really up to the writer. You did well with this. Some good emotion throughout and quite a surprise at the end.

Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

None.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, well done! Another good read.

Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3121768

Review of ...Do Us Part

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hello, a. waits

This is a review of your piece, "...Do Us Part"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your story.

I can't get over the vast amount of emotion you showed in this flash fiction piece with only dialogue. This is something I never tried and honestly I am scared to. Dialogue is not my strongest point. You however, do a great job with it. You show both the characters personalities in such a short piece and with only dialogue. I love the intense feel I got from it. It actually reminded me of someone close in a way. That first line is definitely an eye catcher. I don't think you could have done better with this!

Suggestions:
Things in your story that can be improved to better it. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

My only suggestion is the way you ended this. I think you could have added an extra line. Maybe with Tara saying her goodbye... it just didn't seem the proper end... could be just me though.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, great work! I really enjoyed this.

Thanks for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3121762

Review of Pieces and Strings

Review by darkskye

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, a. waits

This is a review of your piece, "Pieces and Strings"

Basics:
Some comments on different aspects of your poem.

Imagery: Again, some beautiful imagery in this piece also. I really like the title and the idea of this poem too. My favorite is the fifth stanza, describing the machine. I think this gives it a bit of a darker feel.

Flow: Flows well. A few suggestions for you below.

Rhyme: Does not apply.

Mood: The mood is full of love and need. Yet there is also a sense of confusion at why these emotions are so strong.

Structure: Good structure.

Suggestions:
Things in your piece that can be improved to better your piece. Keep in mind, these things are only my opinion.

Can only survive in
Your hands.
My heart is in your hands.

- Because of the repetition of the word "hands" I would reconsider changing the first two lines to something like this:

Can only survive in
Your embrace.

- Maybe not that word, but something different than hands to avoid that repetition.

Overall:
My overall thoughts.

Overall, a very good poem. Again, lots of emotion and love. Simple, yet well done. Thank you for sharing!

Keep up the good work!

Write On!

Darkskye

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