Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
Wow, your main character is... well I dont know how to put it. Emotional is the best word i thnk I can come up with. She is so very deep and complex.
What I thought was original about this piece.
This is such a sad story, it almost feels like this is really happening. Not many stories make my eyes water, and this one really did.
Overall development.
This story is very well developed for its length. The characters are also very well developed. Even though the father lay dieing I got an idea of what he used to be like. Great job.
Descriptions.
You did a great job with describing emotions and feelings once again! And again you didnt describe physical appearance too much, but then again its not needed in this type of story.
What I liked about this piece.
Well, it is very well writen. I liked it because it was so sad. It touch me emotionally. I am a big time daddy's girl and this really choked me up. Great job!
What I think needs a little more work.
Again like before your paragraph structure makes this story a little difficult to read, also near the beginning of the story you used the word 'here' instead of 'hear'
Overall thoughts.
Great story! So so sad! You did a fantastic job on this one. Just a bit of editing is needed with the paragraph structure. Again chainging anything is up to you! Let me know if you change anything, i will come back for another look!
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
I very much liked the main character in this story. She reminds me of myself a few years ago when I too thought I was pregnant. I was still very young. This story really hit home.
What I thought was original about this piece.
You went staight into the mind of a young woman who thought she was pregnant and indeed discovered that she was. That in itself is orginal. This story is very emotional and almost heart breaking.
Overall development.
This story is well developed for how short it is. You did a great job of capturing the panic, and the fear.
Descriptions.
You did a great job describing emotions and feelings in the story. Fantastic job! I noticed you did not give any character descriptions, but that really isnt needed for this type of story.
What I liked about this piece.
This story reminded me of when I was younger, I liked this alot. Luckily there was no little blue line on my test. However i can imagine myself acting the same way if there were. Great job.
What I think needs a little more work.
The only thing I noticed here were your paragraphs. Some of your paragraphs need to be cut in half when a subject changes a little. Also, when the male character say "I love you" At the end, that should be a new paragraph because someone else is speaking.
Overall thoughts.
This was a great story, like i said it really hit home. You did a good job with this. I find myself wondering where this woman is now and what her life is like. Please keep in mind the suggestions for improvement above are just that, suggestions. This is your story so changing anything is completly up to you. Let me know if you do change anything I will come back for another look and possibly change my rating. Nice job.
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
The characters in this story were amazing, and very well developed. Great job!
What I thought was original about this piece.
Everything. The whole concept of this story was purly orginal. I was amazed! The ending of this was just shocking I honestly couldnt beleive it this was amazing!
Overall development.
This story is very well developed and easy to read. It was certainly a nice break from some of the harder to understand and choppy stories. You did a fantastic job with this piece.
Descriptions.
The descriptions in this story were near perfect. There is honestly nothing I would suggest you change in that department.
What I liked about this piece.
I loved this story beginning to end. It captured my attention right away and held it to the very end!
What I think needs a little more work.
I have no suggestions to give you for improvment this story is amazing as it is!
Overall thoughts.
This is an awsome story. I felt like i was reading something that I just pulled off of the shelves at the book store. You should look into getting this published if you havnt already. This story was great! It blew my mind. You did an incredable job with this one. I still cant believe that ending... WOW!
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
I liked that characters you used. I liked in the end the way that Mr. Grey talked. Its hard to type up the accent.
What I thought was original about this piece.
I thought the ending was very orginal. I hadnt seen that coming at all. I was pleasantly suprised.
Overall development.
This story moves a little to fast. The overall development of this story could use a little work.
Descriptions.
I noticed there were hardly any well rounded descriptions in this story. In order for the reader to see what the author is trying to protray, there needs to be some degree of description.
What I liked about this piece.
I liked the ending! Great job!
What I think needs a little more work.
Ok, well this story moves a little quickly. The type of story this is makes it better if you lengthen it some and make the characters a bit more well rounded. Also I noticed in the dialoge that it wasn't very balievable. Re-read the dialoge in this story and ask yourself if these are things people in the real world would actually say. Also using Eeeeek when Emma screamed is not needed. This story is meant for an older age group, only childrens book usually need the eek and the shhh of the shower. YOu could describe the sounds, but making the sounds in dialoge form makes it sound like a childrens story. And I would like to see a lot more description in this peice, with the character, the setting, and the werewolf.
Overall thoughts.
This story has a good concept and an awsome ending. You should really see what you can do about tweaking it and editing it, to make this story really shine. This story has a great deal of potential! Being a good writer is all about writing, editing, and re-writing. Remember the suggestions I have made, are just that only suggesntions and apply it to your work is strictly up to you. Good luck, and keep writing!
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
I liked the characters you had in this story. I expecially liked the jester Pollo. Though the Snow Queen reminded me of the villan from the chronicles of Narnia: The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe.
What I thought was original about this piece.
The fact that the jestur is the main character is original to me. I have not read a story here on writting.com with that as a main character.
Overall development.
The overall development is good. The flow of the story is nicely written and does not in the least bit confuse the reader, you did a very nice job.
Descriptions.
I liked the descriptions you used for the palace, and of course the snow queen. You described all of your characters very well though I would have liked to have seen a bit more description of your main character Pollo.
What I liked about this piece.
I liked your characters in this story. They were unique. Also I liked that a lot of the guards/warriors were women.
What I think needs a little more work.
Like I said a better physical description of Pollo should make this story really shine!
Overall thoughts.
This was a fantastic story. I look forward to reading more. I was a little bummed out by the ending because it ended lol. Good luck, and keep writing!
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
I liked the characters you used in this story. Expecially the fae. I am a big fan of them! ^_^
What I thought was original about this piece.
The whole concept of the story was very orginal. Great job!
Overall development.
This story seems to be very well developed. I honestly didn't think it would be, but after reading it I have found that it flows at a very decent pace. You did a good job.
Descriptions.
Your descriptions are great! You were not too descriptive and you didn't have a lack of descriptions either.
What I liked about this piece.
I liked the storyline, and also the use of the fae.
What I think needs a little more work.
The only thing I think needs a little more work is perhaps explaining what happend before the ended up on the ships. That part was a little sketchy.
Overall thoughts.
This is a great story. You did a good job here. This is one of the things I was looking for in my contest. Let me know if you make any changes I will be happy to come back and have another look.
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
I liked the characters you used in this story. The goddess, the god, and the wizard. The snake that encircled the earth. All of them are very creative and interesting characters.
What I thought was original about this piece.
This piece as a whole is very orginal. It was exactly what I was looking for when I started this contest. Great job!
Overall development.
The overall development of this peice is fantastic. It contains a great deal of information without hiting the reader with -too- much.
Descriptions.
You descriptions were pretty good. I liked how you described the snake the way he held everything together when wrapped around the earth.
What I liked about this piece.
I liked just about everything in this peice. I really think this story could go far. If you havn't already tried, you should see about getting it published.
What I think needs a little more work.
The only thing I think needs a bit more work are the descriptions of the goddess and Fel. Mostly because they are gods, and usually the appearences of gods are overwhelming. I think describing them better could add to this item.
Overall thoughts.
This was a great story! Good work. I really think you should see about getting it published.
What an amazing story. It was very touching. I nearly cried. It gave me goosebumps. You should really be proud of this story. I would recommend trying to get it published in a magazine or newpaper. Maybe the readers digest. This was an amazing story. Great job. Keep up the amazing writing!
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
Your characters were great. The old grumpy dragon and the cute little kids. The kids were very funny good job!
What I thought was original about this piece.
I thought the fact that the children bugging him while he was in away trying to die, was original, the fact that he decided it was not his time until he showed them who was boss how cute!
Overall development.
This story was very well developed for as short as it was. It was very cute. I was expecting something different when i read the title and description good job!
Descriptions.
The descriptions in this story were pretty good. I thought the fact that the boy held a trash can lid for a shield and had a broom handle for a sword was adorable!
What I liked about this piece.
I liked the children, they really made this peice. This would be a really funny children's story!
What I think needs a little more work.
The only thing that i noticed is the football helmat and the pads... I was a bit confused is this a modern day type story or something midievil? I wasn't sure.
Overall thoughts.
This was a great story. Good job. I thought it was not only funny, but it was really cute! I love dragons and I just loved the way the old dragon delt with the little kids. Good job, and good luck in my contest. You should get at least one more review from one of the other judges of the contest.
Note: This review is not based on your grammar. It will be based on character development, overall story development, originality, and descriptiveness.
Characters!
The characters in this story were decent. Though I do think they could use a little more developing. I think my fav. would have to be Kiandra the dragon. She seems very powerful and wise.
What I thought was original about this piece.
The ritual of sacrafice and how it was all kind of just a hoax in a way. There was no actual dragon but a man obtaining the power of a dragon.
Overall development.
I think this peice needs a bit of work when it comes to development. The storyline is great, but perhaps you could add onto it. The transition from one scene to another is a little rocky.
Descriptions.
Your descriptions in this story are pretty good though I would have liked to have see a little more physical character description for all of the characters. I had a hard time getting a mental image of them in my mind as I read.
What I liked about this piece.
I liked the storyline. It was very interesting and compells one to read further.
What I think needs a little more work.
I think your character development and description need a bit more work. Also the story seemed a little rushed, maybe slowing it down an lengthening it a bit might help? Also at the beginning you said the sword was in a holster. A holster is usually for a gun, I think the word you were looking for there was sheath or scabard.
Overall thoughts.
This story has a really cool storyline which gives it a lot of potential. Writing is all about editing, reviewing, and re-writing. All of the suggestion I have made above are only suggestion. Changing anything is strictly up to you. Please let me know if you change anything and I will come back and have another look at it and possibly change my rating. Keep writing!
I really like this poem slowpoke. It is so very passionate. I read it and want to weep. There is not a thing that I would change about this. The girl you wrote this for is a lucky girl ^_~. You seem to be a very passionate person, or at least from what I can tell from your poem hehe. Keep up the great poetry writing slowpoke! I look forward to reading more.
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Descriptions. 
Descriptions.