Breaker, what a wonderful piece you have put together! It is filled with all kinds of information about your island nation. I like the informaiton you included about your flag. The pictures show a peaceful paradise.
The only thing I would add is a picture of yourself. I would love to see your bright, smiling face!!!
Hi there C.O. Welcome to WDC. Your Grandma has told us you have joined the ranks. I hope you will enjoy this site as much as she and I have.
I love the first two lines of your poem. They sound like one of the classic poets wrote them. Actually the first two lines of the second verse are hearttouching as well.
I tend to write my poetry with a little more form and rhyming. So I look for that in others, but not all people care about that.
Megan is lucky to have someone who cares about her so much.
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon I am reviewing on behalf of the Simply Positive Groups this afternoon.
I love the form and rhyme pattern of this poem. The flow is not interrupted by verses, but ties the verses together.
A pleasant mood is set for the reader to enjoy by the words you use to describe the authors experience. An expectant hope is portrayed without the feeling of desperation. Calm and peaceful is my mood of choice. Thanks for providing that in this poem.
Hi Leger~ I was looking for items to review in the Simply Positive forum. Yours looked interesting.
I like reading stories that happened when there was no electricity, the characters start out as common folk and end up heroes, and the descriptions stretch my imagination. Your short story does all of that.
You didn't have to use a ton of words to bring the story to life. You had 24 hours to create this Writer's Cramp entry. You did well in that amount of time.
Quite often short stories leave you wanting more. This one didn't, at least for me. I was satisfied with the beginning, body and ending. My imagination was able to expand the story the way I wanted it to play out.
tYpO/T.Boilerman This is a wonderful venue for you and your Steampunk Cronies. Science Fiction isn't necessarily my genre, but I can appreciate a forum that is put together well.
The banner fits the theme of your forum to a tee. Your information is concise and easy to understand. That is a big plus!!
Looks like you are off to a good start. Best wishes for it's continuation and growth.
Hey Sharkdaddy You have made many reviews, it's only fair that you are one to be reviewed in the Simply Positive Forum.
What a delightful story of why you chose your handle. I hesitated to use the word delightful, because it has been so overused. But, that is the only word I can think of to describe this.
The only thing I might change would be to put hyphens between the "e's" showing hesitation in the word 'yes'.
Not only is this a good memory, but it is told in a good manner. Everything you say makes sense. The imagery is great, especially the milk dribbling down your chin and the milk tinted from the Cheerios.
The only spot that gave me a moments pause was the sentence at the beginning where your mother says she will be right back. You said 'was quick to come out of her mouth'. Maybe that should be 'is' to keep it in the same tense.
This is a fun short story. I enjoyed it immensely!!
Hello there tYpO/T.Boilerman I am reviewing on behalf of the Simply Positive Group. You are one of this weeks selections.
You have done a good job of 'showing' us what addiction does. You start out as if talking to a friend. The friend becomes demanding, possessive and abusive. Just like you hear abusers in relationships act. But in the end you give addiction its true name.
There is no particular rhyme or rhythm patterns to comment on. The flow however, is wonderful. The reader can feel the pull of the addiction as it takes over and then the final realization of what the addiction really is.
As usual I am using the Random Read tool. I was pleased to be brought to one of your pieces.
This poetry tells us that peace is something we choose. That is so true. Peace can be flowing all around us, but we can choose not to step into it. It also says we choose our own destiny. Life is about choices.
I like the structure of this poem. It catches our attention at the beginning, and then expands on your opening thoughts.
Thanks for starting off my day with a thought provoking message.
Good morning Harry I am reading this as I sit watching the birds at my feeder.
I like the idea of writing two different styles of the same poem. This sounds like an enjoyable exercise in poetry.
I was trying to decide which style I like best. I am one who usually adheres to strict rhyme, so I thought maybe that style would be my choice. But when I read the free style, that was good also.
The free style flows more smoothly. The rhyming poem feels a little stinted and forced. I enjoy reading both types, but in this case the free style seems more polished.
Thanks for setting my mind in motion and providing this lesson in poetry.
What a nice little poem showing the difference between a house and a home. It is free-verse so there is no need to comment on rhyme or rhythm. However the way you have formatted to compare the differences almost comes across as a patterned rhythm.
You are very creative in the comparisons you make.
I love your last two lines. That is what truly makes a home!!
Good morning Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h I am using the Random Read tool this morning. It came up with this little gem.
Your free-verse philosophy lesson is 'spot on'. You give several excellent examples of the balance to life. And did so with flawless mechanics and grammar.
I appreciated this look at life. See you in Scroll later on.
Hey tattsnteeth I was 'Random-Read-Tooling' this morning. Hope your day is a good one!!
Your poetry of coziness inside while wintry weather plays outside was enjoyable to read, even if I am listening to redwing blackbirds discussing the Spring day ahead.
You perfectly captured the 'cocoonly' feeling of life inside while winter storms rage outside. What a wonderful life you must have to be able to convey that sense of contentment.
As always, your grammar, mechanics, style, and flow are flawless, and the subject matter touches the heart.
Hi there Leger~ I am reading and comment on behalf of the Simply Positive Review forum.
What a touching family short story. (I think punctuation may be needed in that sentence, but I'm not sure where)
Your words created clear images of the precious family time spent together that morning. There were no grammar or mechinc errors to impede the flow and enjoyment of your item.
Thanks for providing a means of recovering our own family moments through sharing one of yours. And may I add, Awww, that was sweet!!
Hi there The StoryMaster I am reading and commenting on your column through the avenue of the Simply Positive review forum.
I see this was written in 2001. The information you privide is up-to-date. I am sure you have added new information or deleted old information as it became necessary. Many writers don't think to reread and edit or update items, myself included.
The format was easy to follow. Everything flowed along in a logical order. It was easy to distinguish between one idea and the next.
There is one grammar item I would like to mention. In the first line of the first paragraph you use the word 'of' twice. I think the second use could be eliminated without changing the intent. It is a little bothersome to my ear.
Otherwise, you have done an excellent job of presenting us with helpful information
Thanks for being the wonderful Storymaster you are!!
Hello there Holly Campbell I am reading the poems entered in the Writers Cramp to start my day off. Yours is the last one, and I can honestly say they are all pretty good.
You have expertly described the experience with new high heels. I think your solution to the problems they cause is the perfect solution. Let someone else deal with them.
You used a free-style format, so there is really no need to comment on rhyme. There was nothing that interrupted the flow of the piece which makes it more enjoyable to read.
With shorter poetry, such as yours, the spacing between lines makes it visually more appealing.
As I write this there is 3 minutes left before final judging. Good luck with the contest.
Hi celestin This is the third entry from todays Writers Cramp that I have read. I was just looking for something to read and comment on. This was a good place to start. All the entries are great so far.
I love your 'shoe poem'. The rhythm and rhyme patterns made it feel like a fun little song. There were a couple places that need work on the rhythm, but I know that can't be edited until after the judging. If you do happen to edit, let me know and I can change my rating,
The rhyme pattern was followed quite well.
Good luck on winning the contest with this humorous poem.
Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon The random read tool chose this comic poetry for me to read. Well actually it takes me to the item and I get to choose if I want to read it or not. I also decide whether or not to comment. I decided to stick around and read it, first of all because of the title. Second because I have read your items before and knew it would be worth checking it out.
This is a hilarious memory that I am sure you laugh more about now than you did then. I chuckled at the result of your flying leap. Your interpretaion of the adage 'look before you leap' takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it?
Oh yeah, this is on the Public review page so I had better put in some technical 'stuff''
As I went back to check on the rhyming (I was so taken with the poem I didn't even notice when first reading it) it is okay. There are a couple spots of loose rhyme, but I saw that only after I reread it with mechanics in mind. I like that you seperated the four-line verses with a six-line verse in the middle. Also the 2 line wrap-up at the end was a good idea. Your notes following the poem finished this item off nicely.
There how was that?
Sooo, the real reason I wrote this review was to say, thanks for the chuckle, and to get it where someone else could read and enjoy it.
This is the second item I have read of this genre. It's not one of my favorites, but as with the other one, I do appreciate a well written piece. This is a polished piece of fiction. Maybe it could be made into a movie.
Now that the contest is over I would suggest you change the darkened required words back to the same as the others. They are a little distracting. I think it would improve the flow of reading it.
Your poem starts out with a rather bleak outlook, but ends on a brighter note. The use of the ending phrase for each verse, ties the piece together. It certainly has a different feel to it in the last verse!
The loose rhythm and rhyme are the perfect format for this subject matter. It let's us listen to the words as they flow from the author.
I am glad to get acquainted with a new member of the WDC family.
I love to see when someone is trying to improve themselves. It seems you are in the process of doing just that.
The list of things you would do to prove yourself is very touching. It took quite a bit of courage to share this. You are writing to the one you love in a very public place. That is another proof of your desire to win your love back.
I like the use of double spacing in this item. It emphasizes each thought.
As a woman let me say that all the presents and kind gestures are good, just don't foget the pecks on the cheek or the touch on the hand or arm. The little things are as important as the big ones.
Thanks for letting us be touched by your desire to change.
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