\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cubiclejockey
Review Requests: OFF
4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by cubicle_jockey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I thought you had a very good description of the battle as well as most of the aftermath.

There was one point though where you had described Theminor's pain as being down to a dull ache thanks to the Tarmoc leaf.
Then in the very next paragraph, you described the pain being back to full force. I'm not sure if there was a passage of time implied or something, if so then I did not catch it in that break.
Good overall, interested to see how Theminor responds to being utterly alone.
2
2
Review by cubicle_jockey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I'd say its off to a pretty good start, very descriptive. Maybe a little slow in the beginning, but the information at the start was delivered well. Its was both clear and concise.
After trudging through the snow all day, I'm not sure Theminor would have drifted into a 'soft, feathery sleep' versus blacking out in exhaustion as soon as he allowed himself to do so. Nice set-up for more action at the end of the chapter, overall a good start to this journey.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cubiclejockey