You're very good with words. The descriptions you use are wonderful, not too much and not too little, perfect! Having said this I found the format a bit strange. The way in which you present the first paragraph, explaining who the character is and his past (which you mentioned as being unimportant - it isn't, the reader will want to know this even if it isn't relevant to the story) in a way that reveals the whole plot before you've even written anything. You don't want to tell the reader what is going to happen in the book otherwise there's no point in reading it. Surprise and hints at the plot are the best way to write things like this.
I really like the plot, but as with you descriptions (again, spot on!) you need to find a mid-point where you aren't providing the reader with too much information or too little.
Though I'm sure this will be an intriguing read, you give far too much away and inform the reader rather than tell them a story. It's sort of like you're telling them a single achievement of one man in one conversation, there's no feeling, just information.
I think this could turn into a really good plot but as with everything, it needs some work. This is all just my opinion so take it or leave it, but I hope I have been helpful (and not offensive!) Happy writing!
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