Amen, emerin. Amen.
I especially like number 9. I've forbidden my four boys from sending me texts in chat speak. If you're speaking to me, you speak correctly. If you're texting me, you write in english. They all thought I was too strict - until my oldest came home with wide eyes, saying, "Mom, my friend turned in his science project with 2's instead of to's, and thought that was okay..."
This article should be required reading for everyone.
Creepy. What a unnerving experience for a young child! With a some work and added detail, this short story could really work.
Some things that need work:
Spelling - you've got some misspelled words (ie - sole should be soul, etc). The punctuation needs a lot of going over. Your sentences are sometimes a little difficult to read because of the missing punctuation. (ie - One day I went to my grandmothers to see my aunt and my grandmother was crying.) This sentence can be read as both 1) You went to your grandmothers, and your aunt and grandmother were both crying, or 2) You went to see your aunt, and your grandmother was crying. I'm assuming you meant the second scenario, but, without the punctuation, it can read both ways.
There are some redundancies, such as the sentences: "My grandmother lasted a couple of days. They found she had stomach cancer and when they opened her up they found that the cancer had spread throughout her body. They closed her up and told the family she would not last more than a couple of days"
Instead of telling us twice that it was a couple of days, what if you tried something to the effect of: "The surgeons found stomach cancer. They told us it was spreading, and that it would only be a matter of days. They were right." You don't really need to tell us that the surgeons opened her up - we already know that's what surgeons do. If they found something, chances are it was on the inside. What I don't like about my rewrite is the number of passive verbs - was, were, would be, etc. Always try to limit your passive verbs - something I'm not always able to do myself.
A couple of inconsistencies dealing with who lives with whom. You say you lived down the road from your grandmother, but then say she lived with your aunt. So really you lived down the street from your aunt, whom your grandmother is staying with. Later, you mention moving into your grandmother's and aunt's house. You can take your grandmother right out of there - if her name isn't on the mortgage, it's not hers.
I would love some more detail. Instead of telling me your grandmother is an evil, mean woman, tell me what she did to make you think so. I love the vision of the mildly handicapped aunt - taking care of this harridan without complaint. Give us some more of the story. The secret self-righteous, judgmental side of me really really really wants the dirt on this woman.
I rated you a little lower for the work I think needs to be done with the things I mentioned above. I think it's a great idea, though, and would love to read a more fleshed-out version. (Really want the dirt on this woman.) Creepy idea!
Interesting idea. While my wildlife biology side is in hot revolt against the idea of a wolf making friendly advances towards a deer, it is an intriguing notion in a fantasy setting. Same with the beaver/bobcat. The idea of the animals being driven from their respective homes by an invasion of man is a nice opener reminiscent of Watership Down.
There are some major punctuation and verb consistency problems. Some of the sentences are choppy and interrupt the flow. You might try reading it aloud to yourself - it helps me find errors I otherwise miss.
With some work it could be a really cute young children's story about cooperating with those whom you wouldn't normally think you could.
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