Overall, it has a very mysterious arcane feel to it with how the two characters interact with each other. I also find it interesting how it's set in the year 1980 and is told in the third person perspective to show a broader view of the characters' thoughts and display. However, it might have been even better if the story was introduced with more descriptions of the setting and letting the readers guess through the details (just to give more impact). For example, giving a more vivid image of the nursing home in which Robert Smith was in by describing the smell, scene, or items can be some. The dialogues were very smooth and easy to follow, but perhaps a little too left alone on its own. In between conversations, you can add about the person's eyes, what the person is doing, where the person is looking, or even just their manner of speaking. "I really dont know what you are talking about Mary," Robert said feigning ignorance hoping this girl would just drop the subject altogether, but she wasnt having it. Just to add more suspense regarding Mary's unexpected discovery, you can elaborate more of Robert's fear and anxiety of being exposed. (E.g. describe how his heart was beating faster or cold sweat started forming or his complexion was paling). Im looking forward to the next chapter! (if it is to be continued).
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:13am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "