I think this has a lot of potential. I think you should re-write it, give it more thought, and make it a little longer. Make the memories the boy is having slightly less random and slapped together. That is the only real problem I had with the story, some of it is just slapped together without meaning. Maybe you should change who is telling the story too, the narration is a little unrealistic for such a young child. I really do love the idea, most people, boys anyway, remember first learning how to play chess.
The poem itself wasn't fantastic, but the story behind it and the grief that you can feel through it makes it a whole lot better. I am very sorry for you and your daughters loss. I hope everything turns out okay for you, and I'm sure it will. I'll be sure to keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
How sweet, I love it. By the way, you may want to edit. You spelled "Pleasures" with an E instead of a U. Just thought I would let you know. You can't read this and not smile, I like it a lot. It really brings you into a moment that hopefully most of us have experienced.
It was decent, but I honestly think it could be a little bit more original. Some of the words you used to describe your feelings seemed like they should be used in a mediocre song, but judging from this, I'm fairly sure you could do a lot better. This sounds like something that just hit you and you were instantly inspired, so you just started writing, which is fantastic. Keep it up.
This brings up a thought of mine. Why can african americans throw racism towards white people when it's rediculously awful for the opposite to happen? I like the way you very clearly put your point accross in this, but I honestly think this could be a lot more interesting if you just made it slightly longer.
I think a lot of us have fel the same remorse fro not helping someone, whether it was a homeless person or just someone who needed help carrying groceries. Anywho, the poem, it's good. It seems I can't find a poem that really packs a punch, it always lacks something more hurtful or depressing, and that is what I believe this poem deserves. Very good overall, I'm sure you've had a lot more experience writing than I have.
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