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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cobalt65
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14 Public Reviews Given
15 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Learning Chess  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I think this has a lot of potential. I think you should re-write it, give it more thought, and make it a little longer. Make the memories the boy is having slightly less random and slapped together. That is the only real problem I had with the story, some of it is just slapped together without meaning. Maybe you should change who is telling the story too, the narration is a little unrealistic for such a young child. I really do love the idea, most people, boys anyway, remember first learning how to play chess.
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Review of I Will Miss You  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
The poem itself wasn't fantastic, but the story behind it and the grief that you can feel through it makes it a whole lot better. I am very sorry for you and your daughters loss. I hope everything turns out okay for you, and I'm sure it will. I'll be sure to keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
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Review of TIMELESS BEAUTY  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
For the poet you apparently are, this isn't very good in my opinion. I guess it's just me.
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Review of Simple Reminder  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
How sweet, I love it. By the way, you may want to edit. You spelled "Pleasures" with an E instead of a U. Just thought I would let you know. You can't read this and not smile, I like it a lot. It really brings you into a moment that hopefully most of us have experienced.
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Review of For Mama  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
It was decent, but I honestly think it could be a little bit more original. Some of the words you used to describe your feelings seemed like they should be used in a mediocre song, but judging from this, I'm fairly sure you could do a lot better. This sounds like something that just hit you and you were instantly inspired, so you just started writing, which is fantastic. Keep it up.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
This brings up a thought of mine. Why can african americans throw racism towards white people when it's rediculously awful for the opposite to happen? I like the way you very clearly put your point accross in this, but I honestly think this could be a lot more interesting if you just made it slightly longer.
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Review of The Silver Fox  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I think a lot of us have fel the same remorse fro not helping someone, whether it was a homeless person or just someone who needed help carrying groceries. Anywho, the poem, it's good. It seems I can't find a poem that really packs a punch, it always lacks something more hurtful or depressing, and that is what I believe this poem deserves. Very good overall, I'm sure you've had a lot more experience writing than I have.
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cobalt65