I love it. This small segment was powerful, emotional, and realistic. I really hope that you recieve good reviews. I am already interested in hearing more.
It does not seem too descriptive and there is not much elaboration on any of the character's background, but it seems perfect for a comic strip, which you said was your intention, anyway. It is very succinct and terse. It gets to the point. That is a good quality for that purpose.
It started off kind of slowly, but the voice became increasingly interesting as the voice that once belonged to humanity told the visitor about the impending danger it was about to empbark on. This work is actually philosophical as well as scientific. I am really impressed
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