Your wording here was pretty good! I only have an issue with the fact that you have no punctuation whatsoever in your poem. Also, it really helps when you break up the poem into different sections. Otherwise, it can be difficult to read. I do think that you are on the right track. You just need to start looking at the little things. They can go a long way. Great job!
This was great! I loved the descriptive tone you used. I'm not much for critiquing grammar, unless it's overly obvious. But I really enjoyed the story, especially considering my spider fear, haha. The *only* thing I would change is actually stating a time of three years. It might be more mysterious, and would leave a "Wow, how long did that go on for...?" taste if you didn't put an actual time on the events. That's just my personal opinion. Great job!
I really enjoyed your poem! It was one of the ones that made me smile at the end. Your choice in rhyming was great basically all the way through the piece. I only thought that rhyming "we" with "majesty" made it a little bit awkward. It just sort of threw off the rhythm of the poetry. But, overall, I really liked it. I would also appreciate it if you reviewed something of mine! Have a great day!
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