This piece has a wonderful sensitivity to it. I found myself hoping with Olivia and being concerned about Mark. Aside from some nits like a couple of run-on sentences and a few sentences that could, I think, use some rewriting, I have no suggestions about the writing. (An example: A man that appeared to be in his mid thirties with an athletic build introduced himself as Lenny. This would probably be better as "A man with an athletic build who appeared to be in his mid-thirties introduced himself as Lenny." I said they were nits.) I did, however, get the same feeling that I've gotten from a couple of my own stories: there is much more here that could and should be told. You might consider making this a long short story or even a novella. I think your characters could carry it.
This actually brought tears to my eyes. A lot of us who lived through that period can identify with the dissonance and accomodation. You told the story wonderfully.
There were a couple of missing commas, but in the scheme of things they are so inconsequential that I failed to note where they were.
Congratulations on a well-done story.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chuck021
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 2:27am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
