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84 Public Reviews Given
159 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi DeeJ, *Smile*

Wonderful poetry! Although I'm not a Poet, I do appreciate those who write it in such a strong, clear way. I could feel the emotions coming through your words, and could relate to the meaning you conveyed.

What I liked:

The emotions came through loud and clear! Fear, determination, anger, defiance. Beautifully done. *Heart*

The pacing is also well done. Each line was just long enough to keep my attention and deliver the intended messages. I felt like I was having a conversation with you instead of reading a poem. Excellent.

Favorite Lines

There are so many lines that really spoke to me, but I'll try to keep it to just a few. *BigSmile*

I don’t want to blend in This resonated with me, making me think of my favorite quote, "Why are you trying to blend in when you were born to stand out?"

But fear has me here, blending
Fitting
Surviving.


Truth. How many of us are allowing fear to hold us back from being who we really are? It's time for a change.

But my mouth won’t say these words.
Out loud they don’t make sense.
Out loud they would hurt.


I admire someone who has the strength and wisdom not to sink to their critic's level. I believe it shows true character and bravery.

Why try?
Because yesterday is gone.
Fear will lose it’s grip.


This also shouted defiance and strength of character to me. Well done! Make fear lose it's grip with sheer heart!

Don’t shape me to be
Who you think I am.


Wow. How many times have I rebelled against the image people choose to see me as. I often want to shout back at them, stating "There is so much more to me than you think! Take the time to look further, or miss out!" Whew!

I will surprise you
I won’t give up.


My sentiments exactly. Never give up! You already have the strength inside to express Who You Are. Don't be afraid to surprise people with the many layers of You.

What I didn't Like:

Nothing to point out. *BigSmile*

In My Opinion:

You have a good understanding of pacing, grammar, and how to express emotion through your writing. I absolutely Loved your work! *Heart* Your words really spoke to my heart. Well Done!

Keep up the Great Writing. *ThumbsUpL*

Blue-Inspired
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I would still like to contribute to this fund to keep Dawn's work available for viewing. I hope this becomes a white case soon. It's been too long since her passing not to make her port a white case. Keep up the good work, Harley and Sapph. *Smile*

Blue-Inspired
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Mars,*Smile*

Good polling question! I have often wondered where the greatest concentration of WDC members is located on the globe. Are they all spread out, or more in one area. I was surprised to note the answer at first, and then it made sense. Thank you for creating this interesting poll that answered a long standing question in my mind. Keep up the good work. *Thumbsup*

Blue-Inspired
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Review of Disney Movie Quiz  Open in new Window.
Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi MorningStorm,*Smile*

What a wonderful quiz! I love all of the classic Disney cartoons! I grew up watching all the animated creations of Disney, loving all the characters and story lines. Such an amazing world of imagination. *Thumbsup*

Your quiz was great! Not too many answers to choose from, not too long a quiz. Your questions were varied and just hard enough that only a true Disney Fan would get them all right. Well done! I look forward to more of your fun quizzes. Keep up the good work.*Bigsmile*

Blue-Inspired
My Personal Signature for the site.
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi spidergirl,*Smile*

Rudolph has always been one of my Christmas favorites! It just isn't Christmas without watching this classic every holiday season. I've watched it since I was a little girl, so many years ago. Our whole family used to gather together to comment and watch this movie. Good times.

Thank you for posting this most enjoyable quiz! *Thumbsup* I thought you had just the right amount of questions and an interesting variety as well. Not too many, and not too difficult if you know the movie. I admit I had to think on one or two answers, but overall, the quiz was lots of fun. Well done! *Bigsmile*

Blue-Inspired
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Review of Fall From Grace  Open in new Window.
Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Foster,*Smile*

This is a very good, thought-provoking poem. Your imagery is clear, and I could feel the Angel's pain and sorrow. Well done. *Thumbsup*

A few suggestions for polishing this piece:

1. Capitalize the first word, She.

2. He left her without innecence he left her to die
he broke her heart. Made her cry.
In this paragraph, the word should be spelled "innocence." And it would look better visually to the reader if you'd bring the second sentence down, like this:

He left her without innecence
he left her to die
he broke her heart.
Made her cry.


3. this fallen angle still crys. In this line, the word should be spelled, "cries."

4. and sold them for pleasure that she didn't want This line confused me. I can get he sold them, but you might clarify the second part. Or maybe I'm just not being sharp. It's up to you.*Smile*

Overall, I thought this was a beautifully tragic piece. Being a "Hopeful Romantic," it made me wish for a sequel poem about how she found love with a human. *Bigsmile* Great imagery, good emotions. Keep up the good writing. *Thumbsup*

Blue-Inspired (Chris)
My Personal Signature for the site.

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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
On the One Year Anniversary of her passing, I would like to donate more GPs in her memory. You're doing a wonderful thing here, keeping her port open for other members to enjoy and remember her. Thank You! *Heart* Sending positive vibes of strength and comfort to her family and all those at WDC who knew her. Remember her with fond memories and a smile. *Smile*

Biggest Hugs,

Chris
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Aralls,*Smile*

What a delightful story about an uncurious cat. *Bigsmile*

Personally, I love cats and can easily relate to the different personalities they have. Cats are as varied as humans, much to most people's surprise. *Laugh* I have two very unique cats that I love very much, and your story made me smile thinking of what might be going on in their furry heads.

I enjoyed your story about Sheila very much. To me, she sounded like one of those really mellow cats who are content just to relax and watch the strange antics of humans. She was concentrating so much on relaxing, she couldn't be bothered with yarn and ball play. Why should she when you and your brother provided first class entertainment for her? *Wink* I'm glad your Mom had a great lap-cat to provide hours of comfort. Sounds like Sheila enjoyed the time as well.

I detected no typos or grammatical errors in your story. The sentences flowed smoothly and the story kept on point. You managed to weave gentle humor throughout the piece which kept me smiling the whole time, even when I learned of Sheila's passing. You even managed a note of humor in her sad end. Well done!

You are definately good at humorous writing and I look forward to reading more of your work. *Smile*

Blue-Inspired
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! I'm very surprised to find most of the votes in the "rain" or "stormy" category. Weather definately affects my mood, and since I suffer from depression, the rain or storms make it worse. When it's sunny outside, I feel so much better and more creative.

Oh well. To each his/her own, I guess. *Smile*

Keep on Writing, no matter what your choice.

Blue-Inspired
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Review of Warriors Bout  Open in new Window.
Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good use of the three prompt words, "dog, axe, and dragon."

Your descriptions are very good for a writing exercise lasting only ten minutes. Well done! I could see the action very clearly. There's a lot of emotion packed into two paragraphs.

Great Job! *Thumbsup*

Blue-Inspired (Chris)
My Personal Signature for the site.
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi vash,*Smile*

I gather from what the poem said, this is a man who's aware he's dead, and his son is horrified looking down on him. Very well described and chilling. I could feel the horror of the situation. If that's what you were shooting for, Well Done. *Thumbsup*

Blue-Inspired (Chris)
My Personal Signature for the site.
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Review of Drinking  Open in new Window.
Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very funny poem, Deagle. *Laugh*

Too many of us find ourselves having that kind of night sometimes and can relate.

Delightful rhyming. I enjoyed this very much! Thank you for sharing it.

Blue-Inspired (Chris)
My Personal Signature for the site.
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Title: On a Starry, Starry Night

Setting:

You did a fair job of describing the scene, but remember to use all of your senses. Hearing the swish of the grass, an owl hooting in the woods, crickets in the grass; all of these add to the scene. And you stated the wilderness smelled different from home, but you didn't say "how" it was different. Did it smell damp? Crisp? Did the smell of pollen tinge the air? These things add depth to your setting.

Character Development:

I could tell the man loved his daughter, but his emotions need more depth. He watched his daughter, but what about describing what he felt? Something like: A deep wamth enveloped my heart as I watched my little angel play. And his feelings of loss. They can also be amplified with description. Such as: Grief twisted like a knife slicing my gut to pieces. Icy tendrils of fear gripped my heart when I realized I couldn't hear my little one anymore.

The daughter came across as a typical happy toddler, although I couldn't determine how old she was. A one year old could stumble in the water, and a two year old might also. A three year old would be more cautious. It might help to get a sense of how old she is. Age matters with a toddler's sense of their surroundings.

Plot:

A man takes his daughter out to the country to see fireflys at night, and loses sight of her, only to discover she's drowned in the nearby lake.

As a parent myself, I had a hard time believing this plot. Was the man so taken with the night sky that he didn't watch his daughter? How could he not hear the splash of her entering the lake? Most toddlers would flail about and make noise if they fell in the water, especially cold lake water. As a parent, I'd be more aware of the lake than the forrest, because of the danger of drowning.

You may want to come up with some plausible reasons why he didn't hear his daughter fall into the lake, and why he would search the forrest first instead of the more dangerous lake. You want your readers to be able to believe your story could happen.


General:

Please remember these are only my suggestions, and you may either use them or not as you see fit for your story. *Smile*

It was on a starry, starry night that I took Rachel out to search for fireflies. Repetitious words. The sky can be described differently to avoid repetition:

Millions of stars spread across the black sky like sparkling diamonds as I took Rachel out to search for fireflies.

The title of the story would sound better with only one "Starry" as well.


I watched her arms reach up and stretch above her head.

Generally, people stretch their arms; arms don't stretch on their own. Lol! I've done this before myself. *Smile* Suggestion:

I watched as she stretched her arms above her head.


“Blire blies?” she called them.

Suggestion: "Blire blies?" she asked, using her own unique description for them.

In front of us there was a grassy field with a large black lake that reflected the sky. Suggest rewording:

Before us lay a grassy field with a large lake reflecting the black night sky.


In the middle of it all was a swirl of fireflies.

Passive voice. Suggest rewording:

A swirl of firelies danced and swirled in the middle of it all.


I let go and watched her short little chunky legs run off, stumbling in the soft grassy field, as she chased the fireflies around.

Suggest rewording:

I let go and watched as she chased the fireflies around, her short little chunky legs moving in a blur as she stumbled around in the grassy field.


With each stompcomma she would send them flying around her and her curls would spin as she swooped around trying to catch them.

I watched as her arms flew in the air reaching out to each firefly she could see. Her eyes grew bright as they flew over her head. Each time one flew too nearcomma she would pull in her arms and run to me for protection.

Repetitive word. Try changing your descriptions. Suggestion:

I watched as she waved her arms in the air, reaching out to each firefly she could see. Her eyes widened with amazement as they fluttered overhead. Each time one came too near, she would pull in her arms and run to me for protection.


It was beautiful, all too beautiful, the stars, the sky, the fireflies and my little Rachel and her chuckles.

Suggest rewording for smoother flow:

It was beatiful in a surreal way; the stars, the sky, the fireflies, and my little Rachel with her happy chuckles.


Anything, I wanted somethingsemicolon a little shoe stomping on a stick, a little cry for blire bliesPeriod. Even a little giggle would do.

It was dark there in the woods. The stars didn’t shine through the thicket of the trees.

Suggest rewording for smoother flow, and to eliminate Passive voice:

Darkness ruled the woods. I couldn't see the stars through the thicket of trees.


Silence was only broken by the sound of the critters that scurried from the branches and along the earth.

Suggest rewording for smoother flow:

Only the sound of the critters scurrying in the branches and along the earth broke the silence.


A cold breeze brushed by and in an instant I felt chilled.

Suggest:

I felt instantly chilled as a cold breeze brushed by me.


I remained there waiting for help, licking my dry lips and the salty tears that fell to them.

Suggest rewording:

I remained there waiting for help, tasting my salty tears as I licked my lips.


The search dogs sniffed the woods and helicopters scanned the areaPeriod. Many generously kind and loving dedicated people would walked{/c] on foot looking for my precious little angel.

Her body floated in the dark black lake with her yellow and orange flowered dress bobbing around her.

With tears streaking my face, I looked up from that dark black lake and to the dark sky above, my legs weak and my shoulders shaking, I began to sob.

Repetitive description. Try using different words.

I began to sob.

If a father just lost his beloved daughter, I believe he would do more than sob. Something like: A cry of agony ripped its way from my throat, and I roared out my grief to the heavens.

And thenWhen I looked upcomma and there they weresemicolon little specks of light reflecting off the blackness of the lake and mimicking the stars in the sky.

Personal Opinion:

You have a very powerful story here. You just need a little more depth to the character's emotions, and a more plausible reason why the father lost track of his daughter without hearing any sounds. And why he didn't automatically check the lake first. As a parent myself, I wouldn't take my eyes off my son if we were near a body of water. Drowning would be a fear foremost in my mind. That's just my opinion of course.

How this story made me feel? Horrified. A parent's worst nightmare would be to lose a child.

You have a strong story here. Good work. It just needs a little adjusting to become a great story, and I know you can do it. Keep on writing! *Thumbsup*

Blue-Inspired
My Personal Signature for the site.









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Review of TEARS OF WAR  Open in new Window.
Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I don't normally review poetry, but I'll give my best impressions about it.*Smile*

Good use of the senses, dannoden. I could hear the sounds of battle, and picture the two armies clashing. Your descriptions of the battlefield and the events occurring were vivid and created a sense of violence and despare for me.

Your insights about men needing to be emotionless during battle to survive, and then breaking down afterward when they allow themselves to be human again were very stirring. Good job. *Thumbsup*

My only suggestion would be this:

"battles" should have an apostrophe. battle's

Well done poetic story. Keep on writing. *Bigsmile*

Blue-Inspired
My Personal Signature for the site.
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Title: A Charmed Love

Chapter: Prologue-Revised



Setting: I got a very sparse picture of where the characters were. The opening paragraph could use just a little more description before the characters move into action. Was the office sparsely furnished? Were there pictures on the wall? Was Tara taking a break? From what? A few more details before the action would set the scene better.

Character Development: Characters attitudes were clear from the start. Well done.

Historical Reference: Clothing seem to fit contemporary setting, although Tara's clothing isn't mentioned.

Plot: The plot was very clearly laid out in the dialogue. Well done.

Grammar: No major grammar mistakes detected.

General: The following are just suggestions to make the story flow smoother.

The grease-stained T-shirt was stretched tight across his broad chest. Change The to A.

He stalked toward her, his footsteps muffled by the thick carpet. Was he angry? Can you put in a brief description to let us know how he's feeling?

Suggestion: He stalked toward her over the thick carpet with eyes that had gone glacial and lips pressed into a thin line.


...he dropped into one of the lounge chairs reserved for guests. Would he sit down if he was really angry? Most people remain standing to appear intimidating, especially if the other person is sitting.

Consider revising to: ...he stood rigidly, his fists balled on his hips, glaring at her.


"Charm my ass. Darlin', that," He gestured at the bag with a look of distaste. "is snake oil. Just something thought up by frauds like you out to cheat a person of their hard-earned money."

Dialogue doesn't flow well; consider revising. Suggestion:

"Charm my ass," he sneared. "Darlin', that is nothin' but snake oil," he said, gesturing at the bag. "Just something thought up by frauds like you out to cheat a person of their hard-earned money."


She stood quickly, sending her chair lurching wildly away where it bumped , unnoticed, into the cream-colored wall behind her. In her distracted state, she didn't notice the telephone falling to the floor. "Excuse me? Just what..." Fire flashed in her eyes as she began to defend her store, the thing she held dearest to her heart. For her, it was not only her career, but also her heritage.

This paragraph doesn't flow well--the dialogue is in the middle. Consider revising.

Suggestion:

Fire flashed in her eyes as she began to defend her store, the thing she held dearest to her heart. For her, it was not only a career, but also her heritage. She jumped up, sending her chair lurching wildly away, bumping unnoticed into the wall behind her. The telephone crashed to the floor as well, but her anger had her focussed on the man in front of her. "Excuse me? Just what--"


"I don't think I stuttered. If I ever find out you've sold my sister another one of those again, I'll have you brought up on charges!"

Suggestion:

"I don't think I stuttered," he interrupted. "If I ever find out you've sold my sister another one of those again, I'll have you brought up on charges!"


With that said, he glanced around the office with a sneer of disdain before storming from her office leaving Tara stunned. Retrieving her chair, she sat back down at the desk with a thoughtful look. Her fingers swept through her long fire-infused locks. Retrieving matches from her desk drawer, she lit the vanilla-scented candle on her desk and breathed deeply of the soothing scent. She looked up at the sound of a gentle knock.

Awkward in places. Consider revising. Suggestion:

With that said, he glanced around the office, a sneer of disdain on his features, and stormed from her office; Tara was stunned. Retrieving her chair, she took a seat at her desk with eyebrows raised, running long fingers through her firey red hair. Fetching matches from her desk drawer, she lit a vanilla-scented candle on her desk and filled her lungs with the soothing scent. A gentle knock caught her attention.


"Tara? Are you okay hon?" a voice tinged with concern asked. "I tried to stop him but I couldn't. He just wouldn't stop."

Suggested revision:

"Tara? Are you okay, hon?" asked a voice tinged with concern. "I tried to stop him, but I couldn't. He just kept coming."


"I heard what he said. What are you going to do? I can't lose this job. I have to feed my babies." Tears began to stream down her panic-stricken face.

Sentance very choppy. Suggested revision:

"I heard what he said. What are you going to do?" she said, her voice rising in panic. "I can't lose this job--I have to feed my babies!" Tears began rolling down her rose-colored cheeks and she sniffled.


A look of shock crossed Maria's face as the intent of Tara's words finally got through her distress.

Suggested revision:

A look of shock crossed Maria's face as the meaning of Tara's words cut through her distress.


Personal Opinion: I think you've got a really good start to an intriguing story; it just needs a little polish and attention to wording. This prologue was enough to catch and keep my interest, and I look forward to reading the following chapters. You show a great imagination in your writing. Keep up the good work!



Blue-Inspired (Chris)
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Review of Romance?  Open in new Window.
Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I often ask the same question. Most often I think of Romace being a mix of state of mind and emotion. Sex can be a part of it, as long as it isn't the only focus. I believe there are a lot of detailed elements to Romance.

Thank you for the thought-provoking poll! *Smile*

Chris
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you very much for these Reviewing Guidelines! I had just finished a very good story and was trying to decide where to start first in my review of it, when I remembered this Reviewing Guide was here, and I clicked over right away to get a better idea of what would help the author of the story the most.

I now have a better idea of what to say, and I'm very grateful to you for putting these Guidelines in place! Thank You! *Smile*
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I'm pretty new to this site, but I do like it. I found myself wishing the options for this poll were a little more decriptive, but perhaps that's what this comment section is for.

I find Writing.com to be very enjoyable and helpful to my writing! I was craving feedback for my short stories, and I finally found some here, for which I'm extremely grateful. Now I know I'm on the right track, judging from the feedback I've recieved.

I still feel very overwhelmed by the sheer size of this web site, but I find it very useful as I navigate my way around. I find myself looking forward to spending time here, reading reviews I've recieved and being able to review other people's work.

I extend a big Thank You to the creators of this site for bringing us all together for inspiration and encouragement. I'm very grateful! *Smile*
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I was really happy to see someone ask a question about the different types of Fantasy nowadays! Not everyone likes the Tolkein-ish stuff, although it's still very popular.

My favorite usually involves modern day with fantasy elements. I think it's very refreshing to explore new types of fantasy!

Thanks for the fun poll! *Smile*
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Review by Blue-Inspired Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Interesting Poll! *Smile*

If I had the license not to work, would I be compensated so I wouldn't starve while I write? Like a Government Grant? Hmmmm.

Absolute Freedom is a pretty broad concept; freedom for what? Everything?

Interesting Poll! Thanks!
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