This is stupid. I thought it meant is it a good thing to be smart not are smart lucky in all of life.
Smart is a choice. You can be born smart or born stupid but anyone can be moderately intelligent. Here's a quick biology lesson to explain:
Genotype: A person's hereditary nature.
Phenotype: A person's physical appearance due to their genes and their environment.
So, if you have genes that make you smart, you still need an environment to make you smart ie you have to go to school and learn things.
Likewise a person born with 'dumb' genes can become smart by being in the correct environment.
So no, smart people are not lucky, they are sensible, they plan ahead and they reap the rewards of hard work.
This was an imoressive read. The start was a little overwhelming with scientific talk but overall I liked this. I heard about the 'titan' one of the weirdest things I've ever heard. You should also check out similarities between the assassination of Abe Lincoln and John F. Kennedy there's several very interesting coincidences there too. Here's some things I said I'd point out, mostly small grammar points:
"were striking-both were" Use a : instead of a -
"his study room" A study is a room you don't have to say study room
"were same" (the) same
"a gut feeling" Capital A
"sleepless nights or was it" End sentence at nights and start a new one
"Mary's calling" Drop the 's
"high-pitched cry that pierced the stillness of the night just like in the story" I liked the way you echoed the other line here but it would be better if you left out "just like in the story" and left the reader to notice it themselves it would be better.
"something or someone jumped" "Someone or something" would be more fitting
I suppose I first knew when I was in school. I remeber I got 20 out of 10 (yes I said it right) when I was about 5 or 6 for an essay I wrote (essay being about 10 lines) about a day on my uncle's farm.
I only got real serious about it lately when my english teacher insisted I could be a writer and even told my mother at my parent-teacher meeting that I should write a novel because I could easily get it published.
I've always been crazy about reading. Ever since the first book I read on my own (Hansel and Gretel the read-it-yourself version) I've hardly gone a day without reading.
I think Jesus was an ordinary man, albeit a religious one, whose achievements were exaggerated. I think the church used him as a figure-head to gain power by creating a new religion centred around him.
Here's a quote from Robert Ludlum to make you think:
"Homer creates fiction and centuries later men trace sea routes in search of caves inhabited by one-eyed giants"
In a nutshell, centuries after greek mythology was written, people thought it was all real and went searching for it. The truth could easily have been distorted in a similar manner with your Jesus of Nazareth
Its an interesting question. My answer was a firm "yes i would believe in the religion that they taught..." I was of course dumb-founded that my answer was the minority. This is obviously down to people being simply unrealistic and unwilling to accept this obvious fact that disrupts their faith. This is the problem I have with religion; instead of admitting what's before their eyes - that their religion is there simply because of the country they live in and not because its all true - they deny it point-blank and make it very difficult for atheists to take them seriously.
I would bet the world that if I was raised in a islamic country that I would be raised as a muslim. My sister teaches in a very diverse primary school and all the muslims, jews, buddhists and protestants are taught catholic prayers and beliefs. Even if the parents request that they don't its simply impractical to try and teach different religions and the children don't want to be left out so they say the prayers with everyone else.
How can I be expected to be a devout Catholic when I have no apparent choice? Religion was forced upon me from a young age and now that I've grown a little older and gained a little sense, it's not feasible for me to accept catholicism without question. I can't be expected to accept one solution when so many other possibilties exist.
It's also difficult to ignore the obvious history of corruption within the catholic church. Pluralism, absenteism, nepotism, simony and of course the sale of indulgences to top it all. Strangely enough, we were also taught all about these in school. Yet another road block in the way of my faith in the church.
I don't follow a religion. I do however, find it a fascinating subject. I only got so involved in this because of the ridiculous result of this poll.
This was an interesting theme supported by quality writing. I found the character of Alison intriguing as you captured the innocense of youth well.
I found myself wandering slightly during some parts though, particularly during this paragraph:
"Alison peered at the markings....." When I finished it I realised I hadn't really been paying attention and had to read back over it again.
Perhaps you could throw in some small incident in the middle just to keep the interest up.
Other than that this was an enjoyable read though I would have liked something a little longer. Incidentally what was the object of the contest it entered?
I really liked your opening paragraph. Right away you generated the tension with the very long first sentence.
" a forty four year old baby."
Nice shocker line. It's always good to make your readers assume something so that when you reveal something different it's a bigger surprise.
"Yes, I see the scene, but I see it as a single frame. It’s a man...."
I liked this paragraph. The fact that he doesnt know it'sa burglar/killer yet but still paints such a vivid picture in his mind really highlights his (irrational?) fear.
"a house as s***ty as mine"
I can see that his fear is causing him to be over-critical of his life but still I don't really like using profanities unless they're in dialogue; they just stick out when I'm reading. You could use something like pathetic instead and still maintain the meaning.
"must lust for some other sort of pleasure"
I thought 'lust' kind of didnt work here. I was gonna suggest 'crave some...' instead but you used crave later on.
Maybe you could just rephrase it like;
"Perhaps his lust required some other sort of pleasure... to be sated"
Anyway, this was quite good, lots of neat tricks to live up to it's thriller/suspense genre. I look forward to reading the finished product.
I found this engaging which is the best thing a story can be. I didn't find myself scanning ahead to see how much more I had to read.It was a quality storyline and you handled it well.
Overall I quite liked this story. Below are some suggestions I made. Don't be put off by the lack of positives; I didn't see the point in including what you got right.
Watch out for tense switching: "It was a test for Beth... the woman she has become";
"She has guts and he loved that"
"There was a network of others afraid of crowds, heights, snakes, caves, tunnels and public speaking." I thought this was kind of unrealistic, a whole bunch of people with loads of fears. I think they should just be low-confidence as opposed to being afraid.
"writing passionately like she loved books" I think "as much as she loved" might work better.
"No one else was around so he ... proposed" I thought this kind of bellitled the proposal. Try " no one else was around so it was the perfect time. He got down..."
"killed in a head on collision" A bit vague, try "in a horrific motor accident"
"He wanted to help yet protect her" I thought this was awkwardly phrased. Make it into two sentences maybe or just a longer one.
"This pregnancy had been determined to bypass oral contraception and a condom" I liked this line; like the baby was born of fate or something like that, nice.
"a poem she had written" This suggests Tony had nothing to do with the vows.
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